The Child of Two Worlds
by ProudDyspraxicWriter
Summary: A jealous Dr. McCoy separates Captain Kirk and Spock, who are two passionate lovers. Seven months later, Jim returns to the Enterprise and Spock is horrified to learn that he has a new girlfriend. But that doesn't stop them from expressing their love for one another in secret. Over time, Spock begins to notice changes in his body and he knows why. On-going project.
1. Prologue

**When I started writing this in April, I'd only literally seen seven episodes and two of the TOS movies, so I am sorry if I've gotten any details wrong – even the littlest ones. I just fell completely in love with Spirk; I just needed to write something about them! *cookies and love***

The Child of Two Worlds

In all the chaos that occurred aboard the USS Enterprise, whether it was a Romulan attack, a disease pandemic or a rescue mission gone awry, the captain always found solace in his first officer. A complete opposite of the quick-acting human, the Vulcan being not only offered his upmost logical thoughts and opinions, he gave his captain the gift of friendship, devotion; unending love. He did not allow himself to let these feelings show, of course, it was just something that always went unsaid. He just knew all too well that Jim Kirk felt the same way. He didn't fully understand how he knew; it was just there, alight in those mischievous hazel eyes and in the curl of the welcoming smile that Spock found so charming and comforting. Therefore no one felt the need to admit it out loud. It was love that sang to them, its ethereal song bringing the two souls together; something they didn't even know could exist for them, so they welcomed it and nourished it. And it wasn't exactly a secret, either. Everyone else on the ship knew it, too, and most were gobsmacked at this little phenomenon, and it was their love that helped them all realise that soulmates did really exist in this world, and not just in the fairytales of centuries past. So, even amongst all the pandemonium, the Enterprise's crew knew where to find the light on their ship as if a love between two people was something so rare; so extraordinary. But, as it was inevitable in a crew of all personalities and beliefs, not everyone was in favour of it.

Dr. McCoy would often notice glances; longing, lustful glances, almost in pain with desire. He didn't make anything of it. Flirtatious looks of this nature were harmless and meaningless – something that everyone was guilty of doing at some point – so the medic chose to ignore them, believing that the whole thing was just a phase and would hopefully pass. But the relationship only grew stronger between the two, and as it became clear to the old doctor, this love was becoming something that they would die for and that they were not going to give up on it. McCoy didn't say a word against them – they were good friends, after all – but he would go over it in his head, with sickening thoughts and feelings there waiting to be awakened. He never intended to, or even wanted, to hurt them, but he didn't know what else to do. He had walked in on them once, quite by accident, in Kirk's quarters, where they were engrossed in an epic battle of flesh against flesh. The couple were never aware of this incident as McCoy never spoke of it. But in the doctor's eyes, something had to be done about it. He could see the effects were starting to take place. Jim's judgment was beginning to wither away. The man feared for the future of his captain, and the welfare of the ship he commanded. If Jim's head was to be filled with the memories of the ecstasy that Spock gave him, in times of peril, lives would be at stake – hundreds of them; thousands, maybe even millions. The doctor empathised with the need to be held, to be loved, but, as he would gradually learn over time, the most well-meaning men make mistakes. And so, with McCoy's doing, the doctor lost all his dignity. He convinced Jim that he was suffering from a form of exhaustion, which was to be remedied by extended shore leave. Without Spock.

It mirrored the end of a romantic movie, with the surrounding crowd almost suffocating them in the shuttle bay as they uttered their farewells. His entire body quaking with sadness, Kirk fully realised that he would be without his t'hy'la for the next seven months, and he began to weep bitterly into Spock's comforting shoulder. And in return, Spock whispered loving things to him in his ear in order to bring faith to the man's heart. The Vulcan's strong arms tightened around Jim's quivering body, and let the captain's tears soak his uniform. And slowly but surely, Spock rested his head in the crook of Jim's shoulder. He released a deep, shuddering sigh, his lover's sobs contagious. They stood like this for what felt like aeons, the human and the Vulcan locked in this embrace, with all of the ship's crew watching them. The engineers, and the yeomen, and the security staff, and countless more had tears in their own eyes, but they were left to fall in silence. Dr. McCoy stood apart from the crowd, his arms stubbornly folded, as he stared miserably at the floor. It was only now that he was beginning to realise the consequences of his brash decision. The couple parted, and when Kirk gazed up into Spock's chocolate-brown eyes, he was shocked to find that the Vulcan was crying.

" Spock," he murmured, sniffing. " You're crying."

Spock swallowed hard in embarrassment, and he brushed his eye with the tips of his index and middle fingers. He looked at it, frowning curiously, the texture damp against his skin. Then he looked back at Jim. " It appears that I am," he muttered slowly. " You mean that much to me, James Kirk."

Jim heaved a sigh, the tears starting to form again. He lowered his head for a moment before looking back at his lover. " I wish I didn't have to go!" he cried tearfully. " I can't bear to leave you!"

" You're not leaving me, Captain. I will be here," he paused to place a hand on Jim's chest, " and you will be here," and Spock gestured to his abdomen, where his heart lay beating.

Jim scrunched up his face a little as he broke down sobbing, and he went to hug his friend once more.

" Just promise me one thing."

" Yes! Anything, Spock, anything!"

" Stay faithful. Knowing your history, it's slightly disconcerting."

The captain let out a breathless chuckle, indicating that what Spock had just said was absurd. " I'm not that guy anymore. You know that. I'd never fall for anyone else as long as I'm with you."

" Promise me that."

Kirk stared at him for a second in almost disbelief. " Of course! When I come back, we'll act as if this never happened!"

McCoy swallowed, his throat feeling tight under the weight of his remorse. He approached the distraught couple and rested a hand on the captain's back. " Well, then, we've wasted enough time already. Come, Captain. You've put yourself under a lot of stress as it is."

Jim nodded solemnly. " I'd, um, I'd better get going." He hugged Spock one last time, leaving him with nothing more than a sweet kiss on the lips.

Accompanied by Dr. McCoy, the captain stepped inside the shuttle pod that was to take him to Earth. McCoy couldn't bear to look at his captain in the eye, he knew that they were pleading; begging him to let him stay. Kirk's gaze never left Spock's as McCoy pushed the door down effortlessly to close the craft.

" Safe journey, Jim," he muttered. He turned and saw Spock standing there, his cheeks puffy and tear-stained. But that emotionless expression had remained. That was the most heartbreaking thing of all. " Sorry, Spock," he mumbled to the Vulcan.

Minutes later, the engine of the craft started up and it took off far away into space. All fell silent once more. Spock hung his head, the feeling of despair hitting him hard in the stomach, and he uttered some quiet words in his native tongue. No one could hear him, and if anyone did, they had no idea that he was reciting a prayer – not just for Jim, but for all the people in the universe who were separated from their loved ones. Finally, he turned to face the crew.

" Make course for Betazed," he announced as if nothing had happened.

" Aye, sir!" a number of people responded in unison, including Uhura, Scotty, Sulu and Chekov, and everyone returned to their posts. And as acting captain, Spock wandered back to the bridge, heartbroken at the thought that Jim would no longer be there. Just as his people had taught him, he didn't let it show, but he was effected by it; deeply so.

Life, from then on, became somewhat of a hardship for the Vulcan. For most of the time, he kept it hidden from those around him, and he sought out things to do, so his mind wouldn't be plagued with the memories of his t'hy'la and the precious time they had spent together. The assignments he received from Starfleet were completed in only half the time it usually took Jim, which he saw as a grand accomplishment. His closest friends offered as much support as they could, even though Spock frequently said that it was unnecessary as he was getting along fine, and that it was foolish to still dwell over such a thing. But what they didn't know was that Spock had these monthly outbursts of emotion; often late at night, when he laid awake in bed, buried in the sheets as he howled for hours on end. In these bouts of desolation, he wondered where his Jim was, and what he might be doing, or if he was thinking of Spock, too. Then came a new batch of tears, and the Vulcan would curse all the gods he knew, crying out to them in anger, asking them why Jim was so cruelly snatched away from him; the very place he belonged. This depressing cycle of heartache was degrading and it was embarrassing, but it was well beyond Spock's control. However, he was grateful that he had the strength to keep it a secret from the others. Spock knew his emotions, from happiness to sadness, were a sign of weakness, especially among his people, but also as a Starfleet captain. His work now meant nothing to him, his only concern was having his t'hy'la there with him in the middle of the night to console him when he cried. Spock wasn't the only one who was affected by Jim's leaving, and it was the man who had sent him away in the first place.

It was beginning to gnaw away at his mind like a tattoo he couldn't remove. A million voices spun around his head, the raucous, mocking laughter and the guilty cries of regret crashing together, the noise unbearable to the ears. McCoy swore he would never breathe a word for as long as he lived, even though he'd initially believed that it was the right thing to do, but Spock had cried. He had _bawled_ when he was forced to say goodbye. The doctor had always thought that his image of the Vulcan race was correct; that they all had the inability to feel emotions; that their hearts could never break; that they could never feel love like humans could. But from the scene he had witnessed, he quickly learnt that he had been totally wrong. Ashamed and undignified, McCoy revealed this sad truth to the acting captain, and a dangerous yet subdued rage was born. In a calm, restrained manner, Spock stripped McCoy of his position and had him clean the ship's bathroom facilities, while a new chief medical officer beamed up from the nearest Starbase took over to care for the Enterprise's sick and wounded. Although he was upset over the fact that he was no longer allowed to look after his patients, Dr. McCoy was thankful that Spock didn't fire him completely. He tried to let the acting captain see how much he regretted his mistake, but Spock wouldn't listen for fear that he was still telling lies. McCoy didn't blame him. At least he wouldn't be taking this terrible burden to his grave. But, as time so curiously does, the seven months eventually became nothing more than a distant nightmare, and the Enterprise was on her way to Earth to be reunited with her beloved captain.


	2. Apologies Mean Nothing

" Beam him up, Mr. Scott," whispered Spock intensely, his eyes glued to the transporter panel.

The Scotsman agreed and turned a dial, and tapped several buttons at once, the sounds of the bleeps and bloops billowing out into the air like music. Spock's stomach was churning with anticipation, and his lips were aching for the kiss he'd craved for an eternity. He didn't care to notice the fact that Mr. Sulu and Miss. Uhura were waiting just as eagerly, shuffling their feet anxiously. The vague, hazy image of Jim started to come through, and Spock listened to his soul sing once again. But seconds later, another person's frame started to come through after him. A shorter, plumper figure of a woman in a baggy yet feminine, oversized T-shirt and loose-fitting trousers began to take form. Jim's body fully materialised and he let out a great sigh of relief as he circled the room. He hugged Uhura and shook Sulu's hand, who both greeted their captain with warm welcomes. He didn't even seem to pay any attention the mysterious, twenty-something year old woman, who was still shyly standing on the platform. Spock's entire world crashed down around him as his eyebrows cocked in disapproval. For a split second, Jim stared right at him; straight into those eyes of swirling mud pools. He knew what the Vulcan was thinking, but he wasn't going to do a thing to draw attention to it.

" Oh, it is good to be back! I've missed my girl!" he went on excitedly as he bounded around the room a second time. He touched the metallic wall and felt its coldness beneath his fingers. When he did this, he knew in his heart that he was finally home again.

" Aye, sir. Spock's been takin' care o' 'er like a pro!" Scotty said, and glanced over to Spock, who returned it with a scowl full of anger.

A grateful expression formed on Jim's face, his glittering eyes narrowing as a grin started to spread across his mouth. Just then, the plump, dark-haired woman cleared her throat awkwardly, bringing her to Jim's attention at last.

" Uh, Jim? Aren't you going to introduce me?" she asked in a sickly sweet voice with just a hint of a Californian accent.

Jim's lips curled into a smirk. " Well, why don't you do it yourself?" he replied.

The woman smiled in return, though there was an air of shyness and reluctance. " Uhh, OK. Well, my name's Kathy, Kathy Weller, and Jim and I…We're, we are an item!" she explained, becoming more confident with each word.

The room went quiet as the crew exchanged shifty looks of utter bewilderment.

Jim beamed expectantly. " Well?" he asked.

Scotty smirked slyly to himself, knowing instantly that Spock was not happy. " She looks like a nice lass, Cap'n," he said. " How'd you do, missy?"

" Hi," Kathy replied, giving a little, shy wave.

" Couldn't resist our captain, then?" Sulu joked, which made Kathy blush.

" I know it must be a little weird; your captain coming back after seven months with a girlfriend," she began shyly, " but we've been dating for a while now and…" She shrugged.

" I offered her a job here, as a nurse in sickbay under McCoy's supervision."

" That means I'll be sticking around for a while!" she cried cheerfully.

" Don't worry; she's had all the necessary training and what not," Jim added with a wink.

" Oh, great!" Scotty cried enthusiastically. " It's bin a while since we've 'ad a fresh face around 'ere."

" Yes, it would be _lovely_ to have you here," Uhura added with a smile.

"If you say so, Miss. Uhura," Spock quipped coldly.

Kathy's face lit up, completely unaware of the context of Spock's comment. " Are you Spock?"

Spock responded with a soft, uncertain nod of the head.

" Oh! It is a pleasure to meet you. Jim never shuts up about you!"

This made Jim's cheeks flush with embarrassment. Spock raised his eyebrows again, folding his arms in a manner of a scolding parent, who had caught their child red-handed. Jim was powerless to ignore it this time. The captain observed the slender Vulcan closely, but as he prepared himself to reveal the reasons behind his actions, Spock frowned down at him in disapproval and Jim couldn't do it; not in front of Kathy at least. His handsome, round eyes watered as he started to tremble in fear. Although there had not been a word uttered between them, Spock's fury and disappointment didn't need to be admitted. It appeared as though he was ready to kill him, and Jim knew he had the potential to. The human shot his female companion a nervous glance, and he gave her arm a squeeze. Kathy realised that it was his way of ordering her to break this terrible silence.

" So, Spock," she piped up, somewhat breathlessly as she smiled politely at that alien humanoid. " I guess you missed Jim while he was away."

Spock nodded in agreement, his eyes not meeting hers as if he was in the middle of figuring out something. His pale face suddenly fell, riddled with sadness. " Yes," he muttered, his voice cracking slightly. " I missed him as if it had been my very life taken from me."

Kathy's sapphire-blue eyes widened and she cooed softly in sympathy. " Oh, my gosh, that's so sweet!" she cried. " Oh, Jim!" She wrapped him up in her sweet embrace and she planted a loving kiss on his lips.

He couldn't bear to watch any more of this romantic tripe, so Spock thundered out, and he did it without uttering another word. He didn't care where he ended up; he kept wandering the corridors of the Enterprise in a daze, with all kinds of thoughts racing through his mind, experiencing all kinds of emotions – from anger to suicidal. He passed his fellow crew-members, and he dared not answer them when they gave him a cheery hello or a friendly smile. He finally found himself in his bedroom after what seemed like hours of just walking around. He went on to grumble and rant furiously under his breath, flailing his arms theatrically as he tried to suppress his ferocious barks of fury. And then, almost by surprise, he caught his reflection in the mirror, which hung high on one of the four walls. What he saw was not the Vulcan he knew. This Vulcan was a complete insult to such an intelligent, dignified race, and although Spock had tried, the emotion always won and it was just about to win this particular battle. Spock pressed his face against the mirror as his nostrils flared. Jim had not only forgotten the promise he'd made, he had destroyed every iota of their friendship. He was not going to let him forget this. Spock's rage overwhelmed him and he had no choice but to obey. He snatched the mirror off its hook and threw it violently across the room, releasing an animal-like roar, the shattered pieces of the glass spiralling into every corner of the room. His entire body trembling, Spock backed away slowly on to the bed with a bump in the deepest shame. He turned both of his hands over and saw that his green, copper-based blood had escaped his palms, trickling sluggishly down his wrists.

Jim had spent the last several hours giving Kathy a tour, introducing her to important members of the crew as they went, and they were now having a well-earned drink together in the confinement of Jim's quarters. Kathy wandered around his room aimlessly, taking in her new surroundings, with a drink in hand. She seemed content with the prospect of living on a Federation starship with the man whom she was in a relationship with, but Kirk felt that there was something not quite right. He rested his body on the warm duvet of his large double-bed, and with a pat of the empty space beside him, he beckoned Kathy to come closer. She immediately set her drink down on the bedside table and joined him. As she settled, the captain wrapped his loving arms around her and he pressed his body against hers, nuzzling the ends of her ebony hair with his nose. She seemed to like it, but she still looked so distant and distracted.

" What's up, sweetie? What's wrong?"

" Nothing," she replied with a gentle shake of her head. Jim said nothing, thinking he must have misread what he had seen. But after a brief pause, she asked the immortal question, " Are you and Spock OK?"

Jim frowned. " Yeah. Why?" he asked nonchalantly.

The young woman opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. She then decided to reveal her true thoughts to her boyfriend, who was leaning against her chest with his gentle fingers tenderly stroking her chubby chin. She heaved a sigh. " You talk about him nonstop for months. You go on _endlessly_ about how much you admire him, and love him, and miss him. Then he treats you like that! He's supposed to be your best friend! It just doesn't seem right," she cried.

A sad smile crept along his mouth, his eyes glistening as he willed himself not to cry. " He's a Vulcan, babe. He's just like that," the man muttered. He moved across the bed away from her, so she would not spot the sadness in his handsome face.

" Are you sure?" she asked him uncertainly.

Jim turned and whispered in a barely audible voice, " Yeah."

That trademark cheeky, boyish grin returned, which caused Kathy to smile as a response, and he began to close in on her. She gave a giggly cry of surprise as Jim pressed his lips against hers and soon, the pair became entangled in a mess of passionate kisses and stifled giggles. But then they were interrupted by a voice outside the door.

" Jim! You there? Cleanin' service!" came a low, gruff Southern drawl.

Jim knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. " Cleaning service? What?" He sat up, Kathy doing the same, and he went to meet his guest. " Come in."

When the door slid open with that familiar welcoming sound, Jim was no way prepared to learn of the changes Spock had made during his absence. His jaw dropped at the sight of what the poor doctor was reduced to. McCoy no longer donned his usual blue doctor's attire, and instead wore an apron and rubber gloves as he struggled to carry his bucket full of cleaning equipment. His tired, careworn face lit up when he saw the captain.

" Oh, it's good to have you back, Captain! God, I am sorry I missed your homecomin'. It's just that I had things to do. Ya know?"

" Bones?!" Jim cried in utter surprise. " Is that you?"

McCoy quirked an eyebrow, seeing the pretty young lady almost immediately as she sat on the edge of the bed. " Who's that?" he asked, bewildered.

" That's Dr. McCoy?" she responded uncertainly.

Jim frowned. " Bones, what cleaning service?" he ordered. " Who's in sickbay?"

The doctor looked sad for a moment, his focus only on the girl who stared at him with a soft, shy smile, and then he went on to do his undignified job. " Want me to clean your bathroom for you?" he said as if Jim had not spoken.

" Bones!" snapped the captain. " What is going on?"

The former doctor heaved a deep sigh. " Better ask Spock about that," he replied grimly.

" What-what did he do?"

McCoy shrugged his shoulders, giving Kathy another sideward glance. Jim rolled his eyes. He marched to the communicator on the wall. " Locate Lieutenant Commander Spock," he ordered the machine.

" _Lieutenant Commander Spock is in sickbay_," came the monotonous, robotic voice of the computer.

" You can put that scrub brush away, Bones. I'm going to sort this mess out," he said determinedly. He turned to Kathy. " Why don't you go to the rec room? Introduce yourself to the people there, I'll come by later." He stormed out in search of the medical room and Spock.

" There you are, Captain. How's that?" asked the sweet, matronly middle-aged lady, who kindly caressed Spock's bandaged hands.

" I'm the Captain no longer, Doctor," he answered. He pulled his hands out of her grasp and put them down by his sides, slightly taken aback. " Jim Kirk is back from his shore leave. He arrived a few hours ago."

The woman chuckled. " Oh, of course. I would like to meet him," she mused out loud.

" Spock!" Kirk yelled as he entered, bringing in a fiery anger.

" Here's your chance, Doctor," he quipped.

" What the hell are you doing with my ship?!" Jim roared.

" What do you mean?" asked Spock, genuinely in the dark.

As he approached them, Jim eyed the doctor suspiciously.

The poor doctor suddenly fell conscious of the captain's scowl, and found herself tongue-tied. " Um, uh, h-h-hello, s-sir. My name is D-Dr. S-S-Simms." She held up her hand, hoping the man would be polite enough to shake it.

" How do you do?" he snapped furiously, his eyes glued to Spock's. " Why's McCoy cleaning toilets?!"

Dr. Simms took one last look at her Vulcan patient before she realised that the two men wished to be alone. Quietly, she turned to leave. Once she was out of the room and out of earshot, Jim continued to scream and yell in his best friend's face.

" What have you done?! What did he do to deserve this?!"

Spock kept his poker face very still for a few short seconds, and then he went on to bravely admit, " He is the reason you were sent away. He had to be reprimanded."

Jim scoffed testily. " Yeah! Of course he's the reason I was sent away! I was sick, I was unfit to be in command of the Enterprise; he told me that!"

" Think back, Captain. Remember how you felt. You were happy, correct?"

Jim paused. " Yeah, 'cause I was…I was…with you…" He trailed off sadly. He lowered his head slightly in shame.

" The doctor revealed to me that he didn't like that fact, so he came up with a plan to separate us. Evidently, he succeeded."

Jim let out a little gasp in shock. His gaze slipped to the Vulcan's injured hands. " Spock. What happened to you?" he riddled, his voice breathy from all the excitement.

Spock took a quick, sheepish look at them. " I had an unfortunate accident with a mirror," he answered, repeating the same lie he'd told Dr. Simms. " Excuse me, sir," he mumbled and he was about to make his leave, but Jim was too quick for him.

" You're mad. I can tell."

Spock slowly turned around, intrigued.

" And we both know why," Jim continued.

Spock stared at his captain for a long while until he finally let his guard down. " Kathy Weller," he muttered, almost spitting the girl's name out in disgust.

" I'm sorry."

He didn't make eye contact with his ex-lover, but Spock had no choice but to say it. " You broke your promise, Captain. That is something which is unforgivable."

The tall, lean Vulcan marched through the sliding door, leaving Jim alone in the empty sickbay. The captain was paralysed; only his muscles twitched. " I'm sorry, Spock," he whispered again, even though no one was in earshot to hear it.


	3. Broken Promises

Although Kirk had made all of these elaborate plans for Kathy to bide her time in sickbay with Dr. McCoy, he had neglected to actually tell McCoy about it. With Jim's sudden outburst of rage, he didn't even get a chance to catch up with the captain, let alone be introduced to his new employee. So, as he escorted her to the recreation room on Deck Five, McCoy didn't even have a clue as to who she was until she explained everything. And even though McCoy was no longer allowed to set foot in the sickbay, the old doctor and the captain's girlfriend quickly found the idea to be a rather exciting prospect for the both of them, for in that short space of time, they had found some common ground on which to build a strong acquaintance. As the pair walked to the rec area, where the members of the crew spent their off-duty hours, they talked endlessly about their perceptions of Jim. While McCoy told thrilling stories of his adventures on other worlds, Kathy told amusing and romantic tales of their time together on Earth.

" So, how did you two meet?" McCoy questioned.

Kathy simpered sweetly to herself, imagining that fateful day as clearly as though it had only happened the day before. " It was a Miami beach party," she answered.

" A Miami beach party?" McCoy echoed curiously.

" Yes," she replied and nodded. " I was there visiting some old college friends and they'd invited me. I was a little reluctant to go, but they convinced me that it was gonna be fun. So there I was, on a crowded beach with hundreds of people I didn't know. So I just stayed by the barbecue and just ate the hell outta everything!" She paused to laugh nervously and she blushed slightly, trying to cover up her torso with her hands. " Then I saw Jim come out of the water, in this tight little Speedo; oh, my God, he was beautiful!"

McCoy grimaced inwardly to himself in disgust – the mental image of Jim in a Speedo made his stomach turn – but masked it politely with a smile to show that he was listening. " And then what happened? He worked his magic charm on yer?" He gave a toothy grin.

Kathy giggled and nodded. " Yes! He said he'd noticed me looking rather sad, so he came to make sure I was OK. I told him that I didn't know anybody. And as it turned out…"

" He didn't know anybody as well," McCoy guessed.

" Yeah!" Kathy beamed, showing all of her teeth. " And, you know, it just went on from there. You know?"

" Yeah. I know," McCoy answered. " Admittedly, I am a little jealous."

" Why?" Kathy asked, slightly surprised.

The pair stopped in the middle of the corridor and McCoy puffed out his cheeks in thought. He turned back to her and said, " Well, he has the looks and the charm, and what I do have? An ex-wife who despises me and not a penny to my name."

The young woman cooed softly. " Aww, Dr. McCoy. I'm sure you have a lot to offer."

McCoy quirked his eyebrows. " Oh, yeah?"

Kathy nodded softly, her lips curling at the corners. She had to admit that there was indeed something very charming about the man. The pair started to walk again, and they arrived at the rec room several moments later. Inside, the man and woman were greeted by a relaxed atmosphere, where all conflicts and stresses ceased to exist, and everyone was busy doing something that suited their tastes. In the corner, the pair could see a group of ensigns sitting in a circle together as they played an intense game of dominoes. Others were engrossed in playing chess, reading, chatting and laughing, and a variety of other things to past the time. And they all fell silent to see who had walked in, only to lose interest a few seconds later. McCoy's face lit up when he spotted his friends, Chekov and Scotty, huddled together at a table. He pointed them out to the girl and gestured, so she would know that he wanted to sit with them. The doctor took her by the hand and led the way.

" Hey, fellas!" he hollered cheerfully.

The two officers looked up and they both smiled.

" Hi there," said Chekov, and the Scotsman gave a single nod of the head in greeting.

Two extra chairs were pulled up to the table, so that Kathy and Dr. McCoy could sit down.

" Have you met Kathy?" asked the doctor.

" Oh, yeah," answered Scotty nonchalantly. " How're yer? How'd ye like yer new home so far?" He smiled and leant back in his chair, folding his arms.

Chekov frowned to indicate that he hadn't been introduced, which McCoy was glad to do.

" This is Kathy Weller; she's Jim's new gal."

" Oh, hello!" the Russian young man cried. He held out his hand and the strangers greeted one another shyly. " You know the Captain's had his vay vith vomen. Better be careful!" he chuckled.

" What?" she gasped worriedly. She shot a nervous glance at McCoy, who wore what seemed to be a guilty expression.

" Aye. What, didn't 'e tell ye?" Scotty replied and smirked.

" No!" the poor girl gasped a second time, quickly becoming overwhelmed with confusion.

" Yeah!" the engineer went on. " Loves 'is women, does our Jim. Well, most of t'time anyway."

The three men stared at one another in an awkward silence, their fingers entwined as they nervously bit their bottom lips. Kathy could see the guilt on McCoy's face, but she didn't understand why it would be there in the first place. She drew a breath to ask the question, " What do you mean by that?" but she never got the opportunity to say it. Right at that moment, Jim slithered in, his eyes wide and watering. He gazed around to scan the faces of his colleagues, but he didn't really know what he wanted to find.

Chekov waved his arm way over his head and cheerfully called, " Captain. Captain! Over here!"

Jim's gaze clicked in his direction and he began to walk closer to the table, once he realised that he could see Kathy sitting there with the men. He attempted to remove the hurt from his face, but it still remained like a terrible, nightmarish bloodsucking creature. He hugged his girlfriend in a distracted fashion, his head drowning in an ocean filled with the regret he was going through. The girl didn't spot it; she was busy leaning back in her chair, her arms stubbornly folded as she glowered at Jim with suspicious eyes. McCoy, however, seemed to be jumping up and down in his seat with anticipation. He had been waiting for the day he would return to his original position as chief surgeon for a long time now, and it was getting to the point where he was going to snap if he didn't practice medicine anymore.

" Did ya talk to Spock?" he asked.

The captain's attention was unfocused, his eyes stuck to the floor, Spock's hurtful words spinning about in his head. " What?" he mumbled distantly, turning to his friend.

" Do I have my job back?"

" Oh, sure. Yeah."

The doctor puffed out his cheeks in relief. " Oh, thank you, God!" he muttered under his breath, casting his eyes upward.

" Jim? Jim, sweetheart," Kathy piped up. " Is it true, then?" she squeaked.

Jim stared, almost terrified. " Is what true?!" he ordered.

Kathy leapt out of her skin with fright and she jolted backwards as Jim's nose was almost touching hers. " They were just telling me about your previous relationships with women, Jim. That's all," she whimpered quietly.

" Hey, steady on there, Jim," Scotty interjected.

" Who cares about that anymore?! We are together now! What does it matter if I had girlfriends before you?!"

Kathy gasped, her ears receiving a shock with every shout, and her eyes began to fill up with tears.

McCoy gently touched her hand to comfort her, and he snapped at Jim, " Stop it, Jim! You're scarin' 'er!"

" No! _You_ stop it! You only care about your stupid job!"

McCoy shot up to make himself seem big in front of the Starfleet captain, the legs of the chair screeching loudly against the floor. " My stupid job's saved lives! Now, why don't you just _piss off _and leave us alone?! You obviously don't want to be here! God, I wish you'd never come back!"

" Good!" Jim roared. " I feel the same way!"

The captain stormed off, marching out of the room with his entire body trembling in anger. He only managed to get out the door before he let it all out in a deep, cleansing exhale. He leant against the wall, panting heavily, and he dabbed at his forehead, which was soaked with sweat, with a trembling hand. He then clamped his hazel eyes shut to block out his troubles that had him cornered and gradually, he felt his heartbeat get slower until he started to calm down. Tears of shame and regret began to fall bitterly down his cheeks, and with each tear, the captain came to realise the impact of his broken promise, but he couldn't fathom the things that his heart was telling him to do. He wandered back to his bedroom – too embarrassed to face Kathy or the boys again – and as the hours dragged on by, and as he buried his head in his pillow, every memory of Spock raced through his mind. Every touch, every kiss, every taste. But at the same time, he thought of the kind young lady with the pretty eyes and gentle nature, and he remembered how much she loved him. She had been so wonderful to him; she had almost been an angel to him, his saving grace, who came to him in his hour of need. Even if it was to bring happiness to his heart, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he ever hurt her. The captain lay on his bed for the next several hours, and he eventually fell asleep, for he was literally tired of feeling like this. He was found a short while later, after Chekov, Scotty and McCoy had cheered Kathy up, and she smiled to herself when she saw the sight of him resting, with his legs tucked in to his chest and his head on the crook of his elbow. When she listened closely, she could hear the familiar sound of his gentle snores, his chest rising and falling as he breathed. Despite the fact that he had frightened her earlier, the image of him sleeping was always enough to bring her back to his side. The girl smiled again as she brushed his sandy-brown hair back so she could see his face more clearly, and she planted a little kiss on his forehead. He murmured softly and wriggled. He rolled onto his back with a hand resting on his stomach.

" It's been stressful, I know," she whispered to him. " Just don't stay mad, OK?"

She went into the bathroom to freshen up and to change into her bedclothes. When she was finished, she went back to Jim's side and she lay down next to him and spooned him lovingly. Whatever he had been thinking when he had yelled at her, she hoped he would find peace in this troubling sea. And when that happened, she prayed that they could go back to complete happiness again. She couldn't let herself lose him; not now; not like this. For the first time in nearly a decade, a man had chosen her as his partner and her confidence had soared in the past few months, so she intended on keeping that feeling of bliss. She wrapped her arms around him and held on to him, the weight of her hands making him twitch slightly in his sleep. No, she would never let him go.

While the budding couple slept peacefully in the comfort of each other's arms, Spock was still very much awake. He had long since given up the attempt to drift off to sleep, so now he simply sat in the middle of the floor, with only the repetitive sound of the ticking clock to keep him company. He'd pulled his knees up to his chest and he had been resting his chin on them as he stared determinedly into space, thinking deeply. And with every thought, Spock would press down hard on his left palm, digging his nails in hard, which sent electric shocks of agony through him, causing it to bleed through the bandage. It was an illogical thing to do – he knew that all too well – but as much as he wanted to move on from Jim, Spock found himself haunted with all the memories of that beautiful man. It seemed to him that it illustrated how lonely the Vulcan truly was. Jim would be asleep by now, buried in his blankets, dreaming of Kathy Weller's kiss as she slumbered with him, wrapped up warm in his tender embrace. Spock was all alone in his confinement, with no one there to hold him or to kiss him or to love him. This began to build up a question in the Vulcan's mind. He sheepishly wondered if he was cursed to live his life without ever having another opportunity of sharing it with a mate, even when he had been living happily for years without one. But in the brief time he and Jim were a couple, he had been given a taste of that lifestyle, and now he was starting to long for it. The possibility of spending years with the same person, trudging through life's trials and tribulations as a unit, all those moments of oneness, giving and receiving; it was as though Spock was in need of it. So, even though it was not in his nature, the Vulcan felt a powerful, relentless hatred and jealousy for that shy little girl. But what Spock would never know was that Jim was indeed in the land of dreams, and that Spock was there, his gentle breath on the back of Jim's neck as he whispered romantic things to him in the endless night, just like all those other times back when they were free. And in that one night, it quickly became one of the most memorable, and _seemingly_ unobtainable, dreams that Jim would ever experience in his entire life.


	4. True Love Will Soon Prevail

The following morning came too soon for Captain Kirk. He wanted more time to snooze, to rest his weary bones a while longer, to dream his life away, so he would never have to leave that distant world where no hearts could ever be broken. But with Kathy's gentle prodding as she hovered over him like an angel, a forgiving smile on her lips, he reluctantly agreed to re-join the tedious routine of reality. Despite the fact that this was his first day back on duty as captain, he was not looking forward to it anymore. From the day they had met, Kathy knew how much it meant to him to be in command of a starship again, and she really had been excited for him. That morning, though, as they ate their breakfast together, this inexplicable change in Jim's behaviour was beginning to scare her. They both sat in silence, with only the cutlery making raucous clinking noises as they knocked up against each other. Jim didn't eat much – he would gather a portion of fried egg on to his fork and just dump it back on to the plate as if it was a plaything. Kathy tried to coax him to stop the childish habit. But even in the most ideal world, he simply could not muster the strength to tell her what was really going on in his life. His mind was just too preoccupied with the events of the upcoming day. He would have to spend the rest of the day confined to the bridge, with all the chaos that being the captain brought, surrounded by his colleagues. These men and women were excellent officers – there was no denying that – and they were his most trusted friends, but there was a slight piece of doubt niggling at the back of his mind. Before, he never let his personal life interfere with his duties, but when his personal life included his second-in-command, who would be there right by his side, Jim wasn't sure how he was going to cope. Spock had been nothing but loyal since the moment they met for the first time, and now Jim was throwing it all back. Beneath that unemotional exterior, Jim knew Spock was capable of channelling a great strength fuelled by his repressed anger. How Spock would use that strength on Jim, well, that was a mystery.

" Please stop doing that, sweetie!" Kathy pleaded. " It's getting really annoying now!"

Jim blinked, and gradually came to realise that he was staring at the plate of uneaten eggs and bacon. " What? Oh, sorry," he mumbled.

" Come on. You've been acting weird since we got here. What's going on?"

" Nothing!" he insisted, still playing childishly with his food. " I'm fine."

Kathy's bright blue eyes rolled as she gave herself a small smirk. " You really scared me yesterday," she said. As she uttered this, she popped a tiny piece of her cranberry muffin into her mouth.

Jim shot her a sheepish curl of the lips. " Yes, I'm sorry. It was stupid. Look, I'll make it up to you."

Kathy paused, and when she realised what that could mean, a sly, mischievous smirk formed on her face. " Tonight?"

" Yeah."

Kathy smiled again. " All right. Just tell me what's going on and I'll never bring it up again. Deal?"

" Deal," he answered.

" Now…what's happened?" she asked in somewhat of a motherly fashion.

" It's just that, um…being on the ship again, it's a very stressful experience for me right now," he lied expertly.

" Really? Then what's with that guy Spock?"

" Him? Oh, he's just upset that I didn't tell him that I had a girlfriend. He's _very _protective of me, you know." He hid his nervous gulp with a smile.

Kathy chuckled a little. " Ooh, better be careful. It sounds like he might have a little bit of a crush on you!"

Jim gave a small, breathless chuckle. His hazel eyes rolled nervously and guiltily.

Kathy smirked smugly as she watched him pick up his fork to eat his eggs.

Every limb ached as Spock stretched. He stretched his long, spindly legs out, making circular motions with his feet. He swallowed, but his mouth and throat were too dry from the night's cruel curse of his primal self-harm. And at last, he arose from the floor, where he had been sitting for all of those isolated hours. With that characteristic expression on his face, he observed the damage he had childishly caused. The shards of glass from the mirror were still plastered all over the place; every piece of that object waiting for its moment to jab someone's foot with its sharp edges. Spock grimaced, embarrassed by his actions, even though he had tried so desperately to honour his people. He knelt down again, balancing on his knees, and with his bare hands, he began to pick up the fragments as if they were never there. Hours passed until every trace was gone. With his quarters in somewhat order, he then finally decided that it was time to return to the bridge, despite the fact that he had been trying to delay it for as long as possible. He knew Kirk would be there, and for the first time in a very long time, he was not looking forward to seeing him. He stood wearily but dignified, his focused gaze leaping around his room to make sure that everything was in its place. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the green-coloured stain on the floor. It wasn't big, but it was visible. He let out a muted groan and his eyes rolled violently in annoyance. He must have been delirious at some point; he had no idea that he had done this. To check for evidence, he flattened out his left hand to take a quick look at it. The bandage that Dr. Simms had kindly made up for him had become engorged in the Vulcan's blood, and he could see the marks left by his fingernails. He kept calm and went to check the bandage on his other hand. It was intact. He inhaled deeply, tugging his shirt sharply down. He marched out of his quarters, his head proudly held high, as he left his great mess behind.

Spock stopped outside the door of the sickbay, and he tugged at his shirt. With his good hand, he signalled to be let inside. He only waited for a few moments before someone came. After hearing a woman's laughter, he suspected that Dr. Simms was being her old cheerful self, making terribly unfunny jokes to another patient. He braced himself a little. Even though, he was fond of her, he couldn't help but feel slightly irritated by her human behaviour. He knew he loathed her constant attempts to try and touch him at any rate. But when the door slid open, he was surprised to find Kathy standing there to greet him. She looked completely different in the standard Starfleet nurse's uniform. She looked as though she was a part of the crew, and he guessed that he should start getting used to that fact. Spock blinked a few times before he felt the element of surprise subside. Shyly, he hid his hands behind his back. When Kathy realised who she was greeting, her warm, welcoming smile faded. The two rivals stood in silence for a good ten seconds or more until Dr. McCoy came to intercept.

" Kathy? What's takin' so long?" he called as he went to join her. Once he saw Spock, a wide, smug grin spread across his scheming face. " Oh! Spock! And what brings you here to sickbay?"

Spock frowned in utter confusion. " Where, may I ask, is Dr. Simms?" he riddled. He was genuinely concerned about her whereabouts.

" Oh, I gave her the ole heave-ho," he answered dismissively. " Now that Jim's back in charge, my position's been reinstated. If ya don't like it, then tough," he explained smugly with folded arms.

Kathy watched the two men intently with wide eyes. She could literally feel the tension radiating off of the two of them.

" You didn't answer my question, Doctor," the Vulcan muttered in a menacing tone.

McCoy's expression and the way he held himself completely changed. A ferocious scowl forming, he stepped forward to press his face against Spock's as if to clash horns with him, making himself appear big and threatening. It was hard for Spock not to react to it with a swift punch to the nose. But Kathy was quick before a fight could break out. She grabbed McCoy's arm, urging him backwards and away from his colleague. McCoy breathed heavily to calm himself and suddenly felt ashamed of his actions. He wandered inside guiltily. Kathy looked after him for a second, but then she realised that the stoic Spock was still standing tall in front of her.

" Well, now. What seems to be the problem, Mr. Spock?" she asked him kindly.

Spock's gaze clicked in her direction, and glared at her for a second before he answered her question. " It seems that my injuries need to be redressed," he said, and sheepishly showed her his damaged hands.

She grimaced and winced at the sight. " Oooh, that looks nasty!" she said softly in what tried to be a professional manner. " Aww, poor thing," she cooed. Out of the corner of her eye, McCoy was shaking his head at her insistently.

" I appreciate your concern, but it is simply an inconvenience, Kathy Weller," replied the first officer.

Kathy smiled shyly. She didn't like the way he was scowling at her. Even though he showed no emotion, his eyes seemed to burn straight through her like he was some ominous, all-knowing life form. " Of course. Come on in, and Dr. McCoy will fix it for you. All right?"

The woman held on to the Vulcan's arm and led him inside through to the examination room. Spock went along with the charade, even though he wished a long, painful death upon her for all she had done to him. McCoy trailed behind them somewhat reluctantly. He kept his arms tightly folded and his eyes did a gambol to show his annoyance. There was no way in Hell that he was going to treat the man who ripped the very core of his livelihood away. But as Kathy quietly reminded him with a disapproving shake of the head, he had made a lifelong promise to Hippocrates. He had no choice. The doctor heaved a sigh as he beckoned Spock to sit on the bed, so he could take a closer look at his patient's injuries.

" This is all wrong. Where did that woman study?" he snapped exasperatedly. He bent Spock's fingers back to get a better view at the cuts.

" I believe Dr. Simms preferred to study the ancient practises of your Earth medicine," Spock replied.

McCoy scoffed and clucked his tongue. " Women!" he grumbled irately. " Nurse Weller, could you please get the equipment ready?" he requested his assistant.

" Of course, Doctor," she answered cheerfully.

As he examined the Vulcan's palms more closely, his brow furrowed in concentration as he observed the green-coloured lacerations, taking in their every detail. Spock watched him carefully, intrigued by the doctor's skill. After a few minutes of silence observation, McCoy let out a groan of disgust.

" Idiot!" he barked under his breath. " Look at this, it's completely infected. For the love of God, what the hell did she do?!"

" Here you are, Doctor," Kathy hollered, beaming cheerfully.

She brought in a trolley with all the equipment that the doctor might need, including an assortment of scalpels, gauzes and bandages and antibacterial cleansers. Dr. McCoy smiled in gratitude as she went to stand next to him. Spock stopped for a minute to raise an eyebrow at the two of them. He didn't realise how quickly two humans could become acquainted in such a short period of time.

It only took ten minutes for McCoy to perform the procedure on Spock, and during that time, the two men did not speak to one another, emanating a tense, stressed atmosphere into the air. Spock focused his attention on his wounds, trying to forget that it was McCoy treating him as opposed to Dr. Simms. Kathy was happy to assist, and she immensely enjoyed watching McCoy practise his profession, but she couldn't help but be incredibly intimidated by the men's austerity at the same time. While she was desperate to get a civil conversation going between them, she didn't feel confident enough, so she simply took a step back to spectate. After all, she had no clue about what had happened between them, which had caused this coldness towards one another. At last, after several minutes, McCoy was finished. He had replaced Dr. Simms's badly-done bandage with his stitches, which he was extremely proud of – he was always happy to correct the work of a bad doctor. Kathy administrated the hypospray to Spock give a dose of antibiotics to fight the infection. There wasn't much the men could say to one another. Only Spock responded with a grateful nod of the head, and nothing else.

" Now if you'll excuse me, I am late reporting to the bridge," he said stoically. He turned and left without as much as a 'thank you.'

The doctor and nurse stood in silence for a few seconds; Kathy stared at McCoy bewilderedly, her sapphire eyes shining.

" What was that?" she riddled in astonishment.

Dr. McCoy gave a soft smile, lowered his head, giving it a little shake. " That, young lady, was Spock."

" But why the coldness?"

McCoy couldn't face her. He walked over to the sink to wash his hands. As he rubbed his hands together under the tap, he casually muttered, " I think you'll find out eventually."

When Spock arrived at the bridge, and was thrown into his familiar world of rules and regulations, he didn't care to notice that Jim was already sitting at his station, ready and eager to go. The Vulcan raised a disapproving eyebrow. Even with his detour to sickbay, he was still adamant about not wanting to see Jim. The young, handsome captain perked his head up as he heard the door hiss open. He saw Spock standing there, and he looked away almost immediately.

" How're you doing, Spock? Glad you could grace us with your presence today," he muttered sarcastically. He flicked through an assortment of tedious paperwork, furrowing his brow in concentration.

Spock didn't breathe a word; he simply slunk over to his station without even catching a glimpse of his beloved captain.

At the helm, Sulu couldn't help but notice. He didn't feel brave enough to make some snide comment, but it didn't stop him from thinking it. He smirked secretly to himself, content to watch the show that was about to unfold.

" In a bit of a mood, are we?" Jim went on. His tone of voice had changed to a low, cold mutter.

Sulu rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue. _I wish they'd just kiss and make up_, he thought.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Sulu watched as Spock moved across the room without uttering a thing. Not a witty retort that Spock was so notorious for doing. The helmsman whirled around in his seat to make sure that Kirk wasn't looking. He dashed silently across the bridge to meet Spock. He drew a breath before he felt ready to speak with the first officer.

" Permission to speak of a personal matter, sir," he said.

Spock paused for a moment and eyed him suspiciously. " Permission granted," he replied.

" What's going on with you and the captain…" Sulu stopped to gulp in nervousness. " It's not you. Just talk to him already! Stop acting like a five year old!" he cried.

Spock mulled it over for a second. " That description of me is most inaccurate," he answered after a brief pause.

" Trust me. If this gets out, the Federation will toast both of your behinds. So talk to him. You know you want to."

Sulu winked at the Vulcan before he wandered back to his post. Spock's gaze trailed after him as he returned to his seat, and, inevitably, he caught a fleeting glimpse of the captain. He puffed out his chest to heave a sigh and he straightened his spine. Putting his right foot forward, Spock began his proud march to the captain's throne. He rested a hand on the man's shoulder, which made him jump in surprise at the unexpected touch. He looked up to find Spock hovering above him, almost like some menacing creature. After the surprise subsided, Jim's hazel eyes softened and began to harbour a gentle, apologetic gleam. It was an expression that made him look innocent and endearing; a look that Spock secretly adored. But now, it just seemed to torture him.

" I wish to discuss a personal matter with you, Captain," the Vulcan whispered.

Jim nodded in understanding. He didn't need telling to know what the 'personal matter' was. " If you would step out of the bridge for a minute? We'll talk in your quarters," he answered. He stood up from his chair. He gestured to Scotty to let him know that he would be in charge of things until he came back. Scotty obeyed without a word.

As the two men stepped into the corridor outside, Sulu gifted himself with a small, sneaking smile. It was incredibly satisfying to know that if the warring couple ever worked out their problems, it would have been his own doing. From where Uhura was sitting, it was very hard not to see the two men leave. She smiled to herself and made a loud cooing sound as if she was looking at a basket of squeaking tribbles. She couldn't help but notice the fact that Spock had Jim's arm tightly in his grasp. She had always been supportive of their relationship, even during all of the hardships they'd shared. She cooed again, and hoped that they would at least start acting civil towards one another. As the communications officer turned around in her seat, she glanced casually at Sulu. She was spellbound by his contagious grin and it caused her to giggle. She had no choice but to ask him about it.

" Why, you look like the cat that got the cream," she exclaimed cheerfully. " So, what's the smile for?" she asked.

Sulu chuckled heartily. " You mean you don't know? Spock just took orders from me for a change," he replied. He pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the door that the captain and the first officer just exited.

Uhura let out a giggle, assuming that Sulu had something to do with them. " Bet you they get back together by the end of the week," she cried excitedly.

Sulu responded with another chuckle. " Knowing them, they'd probably get back together by the end of the day! They can't keep their hands off of one another."

Uhura smiled as if in agreement. " They certainly are adorable together," she gushed.

Sulu nodded, and after a brief pause between the friends, an idea jumped to mind. " Hey, I have an idea. Let's make it interesting. Let's make this bet official. Whoever loses becomes the winner's slave for a month."

Uhura placed her hands on her hips, tapping a foot as she raised an eyebrow. She knew exactly what he was up to. " A week," she insisted.

Sulu smirked. " Two weeks."

Uhura sighed and gradually smiled, unable to resist any longer. " Done," she muttered.

A sly, sideward smile formed on the helmsman's face as he outstretched a hand. Uhura considered it for a moment, knowing that she would eventually give in. She rolled her eyes as the two colleagues shook hands.


	5. Red & Green

On the foot of his bed, Spock sat upright as Jim wandered around aimlessly and awkwardly. He did not know if he should sit on the bed with him or stand at the opposite end of the room with pride and dignity. The memory of the last time they were in Spock's quarters was still so clear in their minds. Spock could still remember the tender act of pressing his lips against the captain's glistening chest. He would then catch the salty beads of sweat on his tongue as it hungered for Jim's shapely form. The Vulcan jerked slightly; a hazy image of Jim flashed across his mind, the sensual taste of the human flesh still fresh on his lips. The salt in the fluid would cast an enchantment on the Vulcan, full of debauchery and sin, and Spock knew he missed that watery texture on his tongue and he suddenly felt the need to pleasure his t'hy'la once more, to hear him scream for one last time. But for the fear that Jim could read his thoughts, he tried to keep his reaction to it hidden, and succeeded. He bit his lip and nervously fiddled with the tips of his fingers. However, in the back of Jim's eyes, Spock was there; doing these sinful things to him in the dark; the whispers; the bites; the scratches. The captain felt the hair at the back of his head start to stand up, and he trembled all over, his breath short and sharp. He gulped the air in desperation, trying all he could to calm his nerves. This was not the time. Not now; not while he was with Kathy. He had to keep his mind from going back to these forbidden thoughts. He turned to face his friend, but Spock spoke instead.

" There's nothing to be said, Captain," he stated in a hoarse voice. " It is I who should be sorry. Admittedly, I had a sudden outburst of rage, but it was not meant to be aimed at you. I was…as you would call it, 'angry at myself'. I was angry because…" The Vulcan snapped his head in the opposite direction in shame. He kept his eyes firmly shut, so he could block out the man who had broken his heart.

Jim raised his eyebrows expectantly. " Because…Why, Spock?" He stepped closer towards the bed, but by only a fraction.

Spock puffed out his chest, uttering a deep sigh. " Because I let myself believe that you were going to keep your promise," he admitted hesitantly. He averted his eyes again. This time, he lowered his head. " I should've known better than to believe you could resist your temptations."

Jim knitted his eyebrows together in an astonished frown. " Are you saying that all of this is my fault?" he ordered.

" Well, you _did _bring a girl home without telling me, Captain," the first officer replied as a matter-of-factly. He raised his eyebrows in a smug manner.

Jim heaved a sigh of shame, his chest expanding. " I know it's no excuse," he muttered. " You must understand why I did it!"

" Then tell me, my t'hy'la. Make me understand."

The Starfleet commander hesitated for a moment. Those dark velvet brown eyes stared at him, transfixed as if he were hypnotised. And beneath that hardened shell, where the Vulcan shut out all traces of emotion, Jim could plainly see the pain he'd caused the poor creature. Spock deserved the truth; he knew that much. He stepped closer again, and he was now only an inch away from the bed, looking down on his best friend. " I didn't plan it. When I met Kath, I was in a strange place…"

Spock frowned in thought for a split second to indicate that he was listening. He wanted to make some snide, witty remark about Earth being that strange place, but came to realise that the human was talking about emotion. " And so what happened?" he asked.

Jim paused again, but it eventually spilt out. " I was homesick for you. I wanted you, but I couldn't have you! I needed to be loved, and so did Kathy. She was the only option." Jim heaved a deep, morose sigh, placing both of his hands behind his back. He nervously gazed around the room; everywhere but at Spock.

Spock watched intently. He could feel his heart racing in his abdomen. His throat felt dry and sore when he whispered, " Why was she the only option?"

In response to this, the captain shrugged his broad shoulders in a distracted fashion. " She's kind and she's sweet. She was the only one who could have helped me through this heartbreak because she knew how I felt. And because of that, I also took pity on her and I started to care for her!"

He hesitated again to prepare himself for saying the words that were guaranteed to hurt Spock. As he tried to think of the right phrases, he lowered his gaze to the floor. But something caught his eye. He had finally spotted the stain that Spock had neglected to clean up. The captain furrowed his brow, his mouth slightly open in shock. It didn't take a genius to learn that Spock had spilt his blood there. His gaze slipped to the Vulcan's skilled hands. He saw the stitches that Dr. McCoy had done for him. Spock gulped anxiously, the captain's advancing shadow looming over him. Jim suddenly felt the need to nurse him, forgetting all about the things that he was going to say. He lowered his body to the floor, kneeling effortlessly on his knees, his hands reaching out to him. His heart drumming harder and harder, Spock was deafened by the sound of his own heavy breathing. He wanted to pull his hands away, but there they stayed in mid-air, pleading to be touched. Jim's own hands started to tremble, and as they drew closer to Spock's, he managed to breathe out the words that Spock longed to hear.

" But I…I'm still not over you…just yet."

The captain stared straight ahead into those beautiful dark brown eyes, and with a single index finger, he traced the spine of Spock's hand. The ripple of ecstasy was instantaneous, the Vulcan captivated by just one touch. Gently, Jim continued to caress and stroke Spock's skin. Spock's right hand tightly in his grip, Jim began to run his index and middle fingers over the inner part of the wrist. He repeated a tender, slow circular motion with expertise. Spock couldn't stop his body from twitching, his mind thrown into a frenzy of wild emotion. All logic left him, and he loved every minute of it. He quivered in ecstasy. With every touch, the fire of Jim's devoted fingers licked his skin like the flames of Hell. Jim gave him a loving squeeze and held the hand close, his eyes darting from his dear friend back to that magnificent hand. He observed the neatly-placed stitches, breathing in all the immaculate detail of the doctor's handiwork. Slowly, he guided it to his cheek. As the captain rubbed his face against the wound, the Vulcan stifled a quiet moan, his toes beginning to curl in his boots. Jim's lips grew a curve at the corners. All of the old tricks were working. His gaze stayed transfixed to Spock's pale green face. He kissed the palm tenderly, his lapping tongue leaving a trail of saliva. Spock fought to hold back a groan, but failed. He couldn't hold any of it back any longer. He needed this. He needed Jim. The Vulcan grabbed his captain's shoulders. The two men stared at one another for a moment, the rhythm of their heartbeats becoming one. Finally, Spock brought Jim in for a rigorous, passionate kiss. He caged the human in his arms, never letting go for a second. He moved his hands up and down Jim's spine. They both moaned in pleasure, urging Jim to run his hands through Spock's sleek black hair. The couple parted, their mouths damp from the kiss. A sly, coy grin spreading, Jim bit and licked his lips in a suggestive manner. But Spock needed no urging. His body still quivering, he laid his head back on the pillow, pleading breathlessly to be pinned down. Jim did so, holding him down by the wrists. They wasted no time in locking lips again. Jim pushed his tongue through into the Vulcan's mouth, flexing it against the teeth. Spock let out a groan as if in protest, but Jim knew that he would soon succumb. His human blood would always allow it.

The hours flew by without them even realising; not that they cared. It was for the simple reason that the two men had now plunged deep in the sea of pure ecstasy. The entire universe was not even a thought to them as they rolled all over each other. But even with their clothes still clinging to their bodies, it was inevitable that they would eventually become nothing more than a crumpled heap on the floor. Like a vicious lion, Spock clawed at Jim's gold-coloured shirt as the captain nibbled at the Vulcan's neck. He clamped his eyes shut. He dug his nails in hard, and with a moan, Spock accidentally ripped a piece of the material off. He lost his bearings momentarily, but quickly found the man's naked pec, which he squeezed with careless aggression. Jim moaned as Spock's fingernails left scratch marks. As the rush of adrenaline surged through him, Spock started to sit up, his trembling hands searching for Jim's trousers. Blindly, he loosened the buckle and slid his hand slowly down. Jim stifled a howl of pleasure. Met by a curl of pubic hair, Spock gripped onto Jim's penis, the flesh hot and hard underneath his fingers. Jim shuddered.

" Wait, wait, wait! Stop," the captain breathed out. He winced in pain.

Spock obeyed at once. He yanked his hands away, almost in fright.

" Let's get you undressed first," he whispered.

Spock nodded silently and gasped for air in his excitement. He raised his arms above his head, intending to let Jim peel off his sky-blue uniform; the need to be worshipped burning through him. As the captain did this with a trembling touch, he drew an invisible line from Spock's sexy, curly-haired chest down to his pelvic area, the skin coarse and rough against his fingers. He then pulled off his lover's boots, tossing them both carelessly across the room. The captain smiled softly as he unbuckled the Vulcan's trousers, and tugged with vigour. Spock lifted his bottom, so it would be easier to slip off the garment and his underwear. And when Jim was finished unveiling his t'hy'la, he wriggled out of his own trousers and boots. He left the remains of his ripped shirt on.

Magnetised by their urges, the two lovers meshed their mouths together in a wild kiss, accompanied by their tongues. They parted, both panting and moaning and twitching. Jim cocked a suggestive eyebrow and gave a sensual, cat-like noise. Spock laid his head back down and he spread his legs, gluing his eyes shut. He waited, jerking helplessly. Every racing second was like torture to him. His penis was now nothing more than a meal for Jim to eat, his erection succulent, tender, hot and heavy. And Jim liked what he saw. A sly smirk crept along his mouth. He drew closer to it. Spock, unable to contain himself, tensed violently, pressing his fingers into the sides of the bed. Jim held it in his loving hands and, his eyes on Spock, bit hard into it. It only took one touch. Spock screamed.

" _HARDER!_" he howled.

Jim complied. He squeezed his teeth into Spock, giving little licks and kisses here and there. Spock pounded his fists down, gently brought his knees up, squirming with pleasure.

" Argh! No, no, no, no!" he moaned. He buried his face in his pillow. " Ah, don't! Don't-don't stop!"

Jim didn't dream of stopping – he wouldn't dare to – even as his jaw started to seize up. He kept doing this same motion for several minutes, his head bobbing in a steady rhythm. The Vulcan howled and screamed, desperate for more. More of this pain. Jim could tell that he was getting close. Just as Spock let out a pained groan, he finally allowed his body to release himself into Jim's mouth. The man spluttered in surprise, immediately moving his head away. He coughed and spat. Spock frowned at him for a second, not knowing if what he did was a good thing or a bad thing. He needn't have worried, of course, as the cocky human grinned and chuckled nervously in his embarrassment.

" Sorry," he muttered. " Just a little out of practice."

Spock breathed a sigh of relief, and he moaned as he flopped his head back. He puffed out his cheeks in attempt to recover from the pleasure. His legs were still quaking uncontrollably from it. Jim beamed in satisfaction. He rubbed at the torn material of his shirt, caressing his own nipple. The image of the Vulcan lying naked, stretched across the bed was a thing of undeniable beauty. Every last detail; a work of art. It turned him on like nothing else could. Spock relaxed his body, his eyes clasped shut. He made a small grunting noise and his chest rose and fell as his breathing slowly returned to normal. Another curl of the lips formed on Jim's face. He felt ready again. The couple pressed their lips together. On top of him, Jim cupped Spock's chin in his hands. Moaning and groaning, Spock gripped onto Jim's short, sandy-brown hair and tugged at it hard. He could taste the salt on his lips. The salt of his own essence. He shivered. He coiled his legs around his t'hy'la and gave a little thrust of the pelvis. A shudder was sent down Jim's spine.

" Oh, God. I want you," he whispered, and he violently kissed Spock on the lips, nearly biting him in the process.

Spock did a rare thing. A knowing smile crept across his mouth, his otherworldly eyes aflame with passion. He quirked his eyebrows expectantly. Jim smiled once more after a moment's pause, and he began to slide off Spock's body, moving beside him. A soft hand to the shoulder prompted Spock to roll on to his side, his back facing the captain's clothed chest. Jim ran a finger down the spine and kissed the shoulder blade, making it tense. Somewhat hesitantly, he grabbed his penis and slowly started to guide it into Spock's anus. He fumbled blindly and awkwardly, grunting with effort to fit it in. And once Spock gave a piercing shriek in pain, he let out a relieved chuckle. Jim clung on to the man's hips, digging in his nails, which caused him to moan again. Jim readied himself for a brief second before he started to move around inside.

The dance started off slow, the uncertainty in the air, but as Spock's muscles relaxed, Jim's movements became more fluid and consistent. He thrust in and out, grunting with effort, the passage tight around his penis. Urged on by the sounds of Spock's groans, he picked up the speed. The two bodies moved as one, Spock rocking in time with his captain, his breath and heartbeat racing in his ecstasy. The unpleasantness of the pain had eased off, and now it had become a dull ache that only felt sharp whenever Jim forced himself in and out. He scrunched his face up, grimacing and wincing. He flailed his arms, and made his hands into fists so he would not explode from the pleasure. The sweat oozing from his forehead, Jim closed his eyes. His grip tightened on the Vulcan's hips. The fingernails very nearly drew blood in hopes it would be a source of more pleasure for his beloved Vulcan lover. He moaned and let out a short gasp. Jim pushed faster and further, his grunts of his efforts grew louder in volume. Faster, faster, harder. It whisked Spock's breath away from him. It left him floating among the stars; left to wander in the feeling of this unholy bliss. And then it stopped. Jim moaned again. His semen had left him. The two men panted, and they parted one another at last to lie together. Spock rolled on to his back gasping for air as Jim wrapped his arms around him, the Vulcan's skin sizzling hot with the heat of the passion shared. He smiled softly and rested his head in the crook of Spock's shoulder before he clamped his eyes shut.

They lay like this for a few minutes until Spock asked in a breathless mutter, " Must you always do it with your shirt on?"

Scotty marched down the hallways, passing the crewmen and women in what appeared to be a disorientated daze. He called out the names of his captain and first officer, but they were nowhere to be found. They had been gone for several hours now and it was starting to worry the Scotsman. No one was answering the intercom. After much searching, the engineer formed an idea in his head. He turned on his heel, picking up the pace to rush off to the sickbay.

" Cap'n? Cap'n, yer here?" he hollered once he had arrived at his destination.

" Scotty?" came McCoy's muffled voice. Scotty could not see the chief medical officer, assuming that he was in the backroom. " Kathy, see what he wants, will ya?"

Scotty watched as the shorter, plump woman bounced into the room with a cheerful spring in her step. Her toothy grin lit up her entire face, emanating a golden shine of confidence. And it was infectious, too. The engineer smiled in greeting as a response.

" Hi there, Scotty! How are you doing?" she said excitedly and waved.

" Doin' jus' fine. Thanks, lassie," he replied, smiling politely.

" Well, what brings you here, then?"

" It's, uh, it's yer gen'leman caller," he answered. He placed his hands behind his back. " It seems that he's gone AWOL. He's not answerin' tae the intercom _or _his communicator. So I thought he might've paid yer a visit."

Kathy shook her head. She was genuinely surprised that Scotty had told her that. " No. He hasn't been here at all. I thought he was with you on the bridge."

The two acquaintances frowned in unison, completely gobsmacked.

Jim heaved a deep, deep sigh of contentment. The two lovers lay in the bed together, snuggled up under the warmth of the duvet, sheltered from the busy world outside the door as they indulged in their own. With a soft smile on his face, the captain rested his brown head on Spock's chest, his index finger doing a tender, circular motion around Spock's nipple. With the gentle rise and fall of the chest, Jim knew that he was in the confinement of a secret heaven. A small, contented half-smile was creeping along Spock's mouth as he kept his protective arm tight around the captain's warm, muscle-bound body. He planted a quick, shy kiss on the top of his head and began stroking his hair. But then, Jim started to move. He sat up slowly, blinking his handsome hazel eyes repeatedly as he let out a deep, long yawn. He stepped over Spock's legs, somewhat clumsily, and he began to look around for his boxer shorts. And although the sight of the captain bending over in nothing but his yellow shirt was a turn on, Spock didn't want this moment to end so soon.

" Where are you going?" he riddled.

" I have to get back to Kathy," Jim muttered. He picked up his trousers to put them on.

Spock paused, his dark chocolate eyes pleading. " Can't you stay a little while longer?"

Jim considered it, but his face suddenly fell. He simply pressed his lips against Spock's, cupping his face in his hands. Then he turned to leave. Once again in the world of chaos, the captain had to adjust to the sounds of the crewmembers chatting excitedly to one another as they rushed up and down the corridors. Trapped in a trance, he didn't even notice the attention he was gathering with his ripped shirt.

" Surely yer not goin' t'bridge like that?" the engineer's distinctive Scottish accent chimed.

Jim blinked in surprise and turned to see his red-shirted colleague. " Oh, um," he mumbled, quickly trying to cover up his naked torso.

Scotty approached him with a smile. " It's OK. Jus'…pop off tae yer quarters an' change clothes. OK?" he advised cheerfully.

Jim swallowed and blushed in shame, his cheeks turning a violent beetroot colour. " You won't, uh…You won't tell Kathy, will you?" he asked. He could almost sit on his knees and beg.

Scotty raised a hand to prevent him. " It's none o' me business, Cap'n."

The man snuck a wink at him before he continued to walk down the corridor that led to the bridge. Jim stared after him for a brief minute, stunned by the fact that his friend didn't seem to judge him, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for it.


	6. The Vulcan's Intuition

At first, it didn't seem too surprising. After he had indulged himself in fatty Earth cuisines for the past several weeks, it was only natural for Spock to assume that it was a mere weight fluctuation caused by all of his overeating. So, in order to preserve his dignity as a Starfleet officer and as a Vulcan, he started a strict diet and exercise regime. It was kept a secret, of course. Whenever he had the time, he would sneak off to the gym to do an assortment of exercises, ranging from kickboxing, crunches, jogging and weight-lifting. Spock didn't enjoy doing these things as it constantly made him nauseous and fatigued only after a short while, but he felt it was the most logical thing he could do to prevent further weight gain. Mealtimes, though, proved to be more of a challenge. Over those past couple of weeks, a voice had started to speak to him. It was a low, menacing hiss that would always pressure him into stuffing his face with the most unusual combinations. Pickles dipped in chocolate sauce, beetroot sorbet, mashed potatoes with hotdog buns. Spock would never have dreamt of eating such disgusting foods if he had been in control of his stomach, so it was incredibly difficult to force these cravings out of his head. Instead, he opted for smaller, healthier, more logical portions. But this voice would always come back with a vengeance. It would scream out at him in agony for hours on end. It would happen often late at night while he tried to slumber. His stomach would rumble like thunder and he would always usually comply. He hoped these midnight feasts would eventually pass, though. He prayed for them to be taken away. But they never were. They got worse; more frequent; more unusual. As he got larger and heavier, a small bulge forming in his belly, he began to wonder if this wasn't normal weight gain after all. He kept going over it in his mind. He had known for a long time that it was possible for him; to experience these symptoms; to carry such a huge secret. And he had an idea of how it came to be. But he just couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. So he trudged through it, turning up at the bridge every day to do Jim's bidding – even on the days when he felt most weak or nauseous. With everyone rushing about around him, he tried his best to forget this silly idea, mentally scolding himself for even bringing it up in the first place. But it had been well over a month, and it wasn't going away as he had hoped. A new symptom would present itself to join the plethora that was Spock's symptoms. So, when he awoke one morning, and saw that his pectoral muscles had swollen and had become sore to the touch, that was when he couldn't deny it any longer.

He lay tentatively on his back in bed, the covers tossed aside, as he stared in intrigue. His alien eyes not daring to blink, he watched his unclothed belly rise and fall as he breathed. Just below the navel, it protruded from his flesh, looking as though he had swallowed a large tennis ball. Hesitantly, he gave it a poke with one long curious finger. He gulped nervously and worriedly. There was no way he could ignore it any longer. Hoping it would not cause him to be overcome with nausea, he sat up slowly and sluggishly, placing his bare feet on the floor. Still a little bit groggy, he rubbed his face and gave his head a rigorous shake to wake himself up. He stood up, but suddenly, he was hit by an aggressive headache. The room span before him, the different colours that dominated the place blended with each other. The swirling shapes blinded him, the pain of his headache striking the right side of his skull. He groaned softly and sat back down with a bump. He stayed there, his head in between his knees, for several minutes before the pain and dizziness eased off. He swallowed heavily, a mixed feeling of hunger and nausea washing over him, and he sat up straight once again. He inhaled deeply to compose himself. He stood up and finally readied himself for the busy day. Instead of his usual brisk pace, he went through his morning routine in a daze. He just carried on as if nothing was wrong, knowing that he just had to be stoic about it. But, as Spock was going to learn, secrets had a way of revealing themselves.

Jim found himself transfixed, his dazzling round eyes bulging out of his sockets in the deepest awe. That handsome blue shirt had become snug around the Vulcan's growing abdomen, and Jim couldn't help but find it only a little bit amusing. He spotted the pecs, too, as they were squashed up against the inside of Spock's shirt, the enlarged nipples visible through it. Although he didn't have the same suspicions as his friend, a knowing smirk crept along his mouth. He sniggered silently to himself at the captain's chair. But, even when the thought of Spock becoming overweight tickled him, it was clear that it was troubling him. In only a short period of time, he had turned into this desolate creature full of exhaustion, sickness and misery. His coal-black head slumped over the scanner as he sat uncomfortably on a chair, he was cut off completely from the world outside his brain. No sound passed his lips, except for an occasional faint moan or grunt or yawn. He didn't respond to anyone who dared to speak to him, even when Uhura went to kindly wrap a blanket around him and gave him a comforting pat on his shoulder. And gradually, as the hours dragged on, he drifted off to a faraway place where his problems disappeared in a puff of smoke. His body didn't move an inch in all the hours he slumbered. The captain left him, not to be disturbed until he was ready to remerge. He knew all too well about the miseries of commanding a starship, so he decided that no one needed to know. Jim waited for an eternity, it seemed. And at last, something occurred. A toothy grin stretched across his mouth, lighting up his entire face like a sun-kissed rose. His cheeks split at the seams as he watched his prince start to stir. The Vulcan released a soft grumble of annoyance. In his dazed, disorientated state, he gave a vigorous rub of his tired eyes with the arm he had been using as a pillow. All the crew on the bridge oversaw his every tentative move. He lifted up his head. Chekov exchanged a quick look with Sulu, and he stifled a snigger, covering his mouth with his hands like an excitable child. In all the years Spock had been aboard a starship, he had never, _ever_ been this unprofessional. The first officer blinked the sleep away from his eyes and gazed around the room in utter confusion. He frowned. He had forgotten that he was on the bridge. Uhura, Sulu and Chekov all smiled, rolling their eyes, almost chuckling in disbelief. Like Jim, they had been amused by the Vulcan's strange, uncharacteristic behaviour.

Once he got his bearings, Spock turned to the captain and asked in a tone of voice which suggested that he was peeved, " Why did you let me sleep for so long? Why did you let me sleep at all?"

Jim shrugged. " You seemed tired, so I left you alone."

" You could've excused me to my quarters," he muttered coldly.

" Yeah, well, I didn't."

" You looked very sweet," Uhura chimed in cheerfully, " when you were sleeping."

Spock paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer. " That is…illogical of you to say. One cannot look sweet during the act of sleep."

" Well, _you_ did, Mr. Spock," she replied, a smirk forming on her face.

The three male spectators nodded and murmured in agreement.

" It's true, Spock. You're a very handsome sleeper," Jim said. " I've…I've missed that," he added under his breath, though no one heard him anyway.

" So, vhat kept you up?" asked Chekov. He shot a quick, knowing smile to his captain.

Spock quirked an eyebrow. " Nothing. I'm fine," he said.

" Vell, if you're sure," the Russian ensign answered. " I know of an old Russian remedy zat is sure to cure vhatewer's bozzering you," he kindly offered.

The Vulcan scoffed lightly. " I assure you I have an affliction that cannot be cured." He glanced down subtly at his belly. He placed a hesitant hand on it, feeling that definite lump. He swallowed hard in worry.

" You got that right," Jim piped up with blatant sarcasm seeping through in his voice.

There was a brief moment of intense silence as Spock slowly turned his head to face Jim. The watching crew could feel it emanating from him. His eyebrows shot immediately up as if he was offended by the captain's statement. " Excuse me, Captain? What was that?"

" Been at the donuts again I see," the captain cheekily quipped with a smirk.

Sulu, Chekov and Uhura cringed awkwardly in unison. The expression on Spock's pale face meant that he was set out to kill. And they all knew who. Too squeamish to watch any more, they returned to their posts. But that didn't mean they could stop listening in on the conversation. All they needed to do was to pretend to get on with their jobs. Spock, with his muddy brown eyes on fire, glared furiously at his best friend.

" _Excuse me_, Captain?" he repeated, an eyebrow raising upward in disapproval.

" Th-the tummy," he answered, stammering slightly. Subtly, he raised a hand to gesture at the bulge in the Vulcan's belly with one single curious finger. " You're getting a bit pudgy there, Spock. I couldn't help but notice." He smirked again.

Spock was hesitant in his reply. " I realise…I have neglected my well-being as of late, but I have put into place a special dietary requirement for myself. It will take some time, but I believe my condition will improve," he explained with an air of sheepishness and uncertainty about him. He hoped Jim wouldn't be able to spot that.

The captain mulled it over, another smile growing wide on his lips for a third time. " OK," he muttered quietly. " You know…We'll be passing Vulcan in a couple of days," he piped up.

" I am aware of that, yes."

" Well, I thought you'd might like to visit your parents. It looks like you need support right now."

Spock frowned and shook his head. " I do not need support. This is a mere hindrance that is sure to go away over time."

" Spock, if there's anything I can do, just let me know. OK?"

Spock nodded softly, a not-quite-a-smile creeping along his mouth as he considered Jim's offer. " As much as I appreciate your kindness, Captain, there is nothing you can do. This is my own private matter. Therefore, I should be able to cope with it on my own."

Jim, although he looked hurt, nodded in understanding. " Well, why don't you see Bones? He might be able to help. You can see him right now if you want. I don't mind."

Spock mentally rolled his eyes. He hadn't planned on seeing Dr. McCoy, especially after how terribly he had treated him, but he couldn't argue with himself any longer. Seeing the doctor was the most logical thing to do. " Thank you, sir," he muttered after a pause, not meaning it.

" Just get well. OK?" he ordered. His voice was low and gentle with the deepest concern for his t'hy'la.

" I will, Captain," Spock responded. He turned to leave. But, in the very back of his mind, that thought still lingered. He had no clue at all if he was ever going to recover from such a condition as this.

Face to face once again with the man who had ripped out his heart, Spock sat on the examination table as he explained his situation and suspicion to the Southern doctor. He would stop occasionally to squirm. His belt was starting to dig into his abdomen, which seemed to be growing larger with every second. Once he was done telling his story, McCoy stared at him in disbelief, his blue eyes bulging; his jaw smacking the floor.

" You think you're _what?!_" he gasped.

" Perhaps, Doctor, you didn't hear me the first time," the patient said. " I said, 'I suspect that I may be with child.'"

Relieved at the thought that he _wasn't _going mad, the doctor burst out laughing. He knocked his head back, letting out hysterical screams and howls.

Spock's eyebrows rose. " I fail to see how my previous assumption is considered humorous."

McCoy's laughter ceased a little, resulting in a few chuckles as he spoke. " OK, Spock, joke's over. What's the real problem?"

" I believe that the symptoms I've been experiencing is caused by the condition usually associated with the female species known as pregnancy," the pointy-eared man insisted coolly.

McCoy laughed again. " But you're a man, Spock! Surely even a Vulcan knows that men just don't give birth like it's the latest craze!" he couldn't help but exclaim with a smile, even though he still resented Spock for demoting him.

" It is a most unusual situation, I admit," he replied, " but I know I am expecting. There is something inside me telling me that I am."

" You mean you can feel it? In your heart? In your soul? In that logical mind of yours?"

Spock frowned for a second to think. His face softened up as his eyebrows raised, a twinkle of enlightenment in his eye. " In a manner of speaking…yes. I believe Lieutenant Uhura described it as 'women's intuition.'"

The doctor let out a single, sharp laugh, wondering if this was all a bad dream. " A Vulcan that feels! A male Vulcan that feels women's intuition no less!" he ranted under his breath. He flailed his arms about the room in his excitement and confusion. " What? How?"

" I have known about my ability to carry offspring for an estimate of nineteen years; eleven months; three weeks; four days. Having had relations with the Captain, it was bound to occur at some time or another."

" But you're not with Jim anymore!" McCoy cried. " Unless you…?"

Spock's facial expression said it all.

In his disbelief and disgust, the doctor released a loud, drawn out groan. He buried his head in his hands as he continued to moan. " Do you realise how stupid you are?!" he furiously spat.

" My intelligence has nothing to do-"

" I work with that girl, Spock! She's my friend! Do you know how heartbroken she's gonna be when she finds out about this?!" McCoy continued, his voice rising in volume.

" Yes."

Dr. McCoy stopped in his tracks, his muscles frozen. Then, as it subsided, he turned his head at Spock and their eyes met, igniting an intense resentment toward one another. There was a moment of awkward silence between them as Spock shot a menacing glare at the doctor. " Yeah. O' course. Anyway…Uhh…I'm gonna have to examine ya," he realised miserably. " Lift up yer shirt, please," he mumbled uneasily. " Luckily, Kath is in the rec room right now," he added with a sigh.

Spock acted quickly to hold back the wave of guilt that was just about to crash in to his shores. He felt no sympathy toward her; only hatred, the urge to watch her suffer sweeping through him like an icy wind. But he didn't delay any further. With a swift hand, he pulled up his shirt. He tucked in a few inches of the hem, leaving it neatly at the top of the abdominal curve. His stomach unclothed, and as a chill hit him, Spock waited for Dr. McCoy to start the examination. At first, the doctor didn't know where to begin. He shuddered at the sight of that little growth. If Spock really was right about his instincts, that baby inside him had picked the wrong place to thrive. He had to wonder, though. Acting as if it was a snapping shark, the Atlantan doctor approached it with a wavering hand. He braced himself for the worst. But once the doctor's hand and the Vulcan's pale green skin touched, nothing happened at all. He flashed an awkward smile and gave a nervous gasp. Spock continued to observe him closely and cocked an eyebrow in intrigue. McCoy felt every area of Spock's belly, applying pressure occasionally, which caused Spock slight discomfort. There was a definite lump in there somewhere. Whether or not it was an unborn infant, McCoy had no way of telling yet. Like any other good doctor, he needed to rule out every other reason that might have caused a lump like this. When he took samples of the Vulcan's blood and urine to be tested, he prayed for a _logical _explanation. A cancerous tumour, a trichobezoar or just some simple bloating. Hell, he wouldn't have minded if Spock was the first to contract an undiscovered illness. Just anything else other than pregnancy. But when the computer system calculated and collected the results, Dr. McCoy came to realise that his patient had been right all along. Spock was pregnant. He gave a mighty shuddering moan. As he stared open-mouthed at the computer screen, every other word melted away except for the impossible 'positive'.

Spock studied the doctor's expression and he expectantly raised his eyebrows. He couldn't stop himself from asking, " I am correct? I'm with child?"

McCoy puffed out his cheeks. He, for the first time in years, was at a loss for words. " I guess so…" he whispered in a distant voice. But then, he blinked, crashing down back to Earth. " Um, could you see me again in, say, three days' time? I wanna do a follow-up." His voice was low, slow, gravelly and distant. Now that he had proof of Kirk and Spock's tryst, he couldn't even meet the Vulcan in the eye. He was that disgusted.

Spock nodded. " Of course."

" I wanna do more tests, see if yer healthy an'…I wanna check if everythin's as it should be. Whatever that means…" He trailed off in thought. What exactly did that mean anyway?

" Why can't you do all of this now?" asked Spock.

" Why? My God, man! You have no idea, do you?! I can't handle this right now! I got a _MALE PATIENT _for God's sake comin' to me an' sayin' that he's pregnant. _THEN _I find out that he's banged the Captain. So that means he's cheatin' on my friend. You gotta understand, Spock. This is _not _normal." He paused to let out a light sigh in order to calm himself down. " Get outta my sight, Spock. I can't look at cha."

Spock let his gaze slip down to his belly. He caged it in his hands as if to cradle it to sleep. He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing lightly in his throat. " You know I didn't wish to see you today. I had no desire to see you at all," he whispered softly, his voice low and faltering as he hesitated. He swallowed again. " Do you want to know why I came here today?" he riddled.

" I don't care!" McCoy grumbled, turning his face away. He did this in secret shame, never daring to show it to anyone.

" Because I had no choice. You did, Doctor."

McCoy's pristine blue eyes widened and he gasped inaudibly, feeling the strength of the blow. Almost in horror, his eyebrows furrowed deeply as he watched his pregnant patient slide off the table with ease. The Vulcan stood tall and proud, his head held high. He then tugged down his shirt with that idiosyncratic dignity that his race always had, and the fabric stretched over his growing bump as far as it could go. The piece of clothing felt tight around that area, but still he didn't complain. He shot a cold glance to the doctor, pursing his lips, steeling his jaw, one last time before he took his proud march across the room to the sickbay's exit. Left alone in his sanctuary, Dr. McCoy looked after him for a short while, trapped in a trance with only his conflicting thoughts to rip his mind apart.

He meant what he said when he had called Kathy his friend. Because it was true. He wouldn't say that they were bosom buddies or kindred spirits or anything like that, but he couldn't deny the fact that they had become close in the past several weeks they had been working together. Beneath the shy exterior that caused her so much grief, McCoy had come to learn that she deeply cared for her patients, even if she found it hard to talk to them sometimes. And once she opened up a little, it was clear that there was a secret part of her that only a handful of people knew about. And McCoy was lucky enough to be one of those people. Not only did they make inside jokes to one another throughout the working day, they kept each other company in their off-hours. McCoy would usually invite her back to his quarters to have a drink and a chat – often when Jim opted to staying late on the bridge, leaving Kathy without a date for the evening. There, they would talk about everything. From their feelings towards Jim and other members of the crew to whether the red jellybeans tasted better than the blue ones, they discussed it all in what clearly appeared to be great detail. In some strange little way, Kathy was gradually becoming a tiny part of the doctor's life, which was pretty lonely at times, and she seemed to make it brighter with only the curl of her pretty smile. Like he had a reason to wake up in the morning. There were other nurses he worked with, of course, like Nurse Chapel and Nurse Talbot, but there was no one quite like the captain's girlfriend. He saw potential in her, and he wanted to help her through this uncertainty about her abilities as a medical professional. So when he learnt of her boyfriend's deceit that day, he had an urge to protect her and straight away, he was adamant that he wasn't going to tell her. But then he began to think of all the 'what ifs'. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to keep this secret from her, even if it was going to destroy everything she and Jim had together. But even if he did go ahead with that plan, Kathy would have to deal with the pain of heartbreak. McCoy would have to watch and comfort her and then he would feel guilty for causing her this pain. So in this case, the doctor had no choice but to stick with his original plan. He would keep his nose out of Kirk's business, care for Spock in his pregnancy without a bad word against him, and quietly carry the guilt around with him like shackles. But he would do it for her. It was the least he could do.


	7. Secrets Uncovered

Public functions had never been a favourite of Kathy's. Her memories of her debate classes at school were still so vivid, even in the deepest reaches of her subconscious. She still could clearly remember that horrible burning sensation she constantly suffered as all the gazes of her classmates were glued in her direction, leaving her trembling and tongue-tied behind the podium. She could still hear the cruel taunts that Andrew Lee threw at her, and the consequent echo of his friends' laughter. And even though these events occurred a decade ago, the mere thought of Andrew forced her to shudder in disgust and despair. She could never forgive him, despite having gone separate ways, for slapping her with this debilitating, negative opinion of herself. So it would not be hard to imagine her outrage when Jim informed her that the Vulcan Ambassador and his party were coming aboard. It would have been fine if she simply avoided the Enterprise's distinguished guests, but Jim was just so insistent that she should be there to welcome them. And to make matters worse, the Ambassador just happened to be Spock's father.

She had spent the entire afternoon locked up in the bedroom. She showered for what Jim thought was hours, and shampooed her hair more obsessively than usual. She tried on a variety of different outfits with different colour schemes and looks, tossing the inappropriate ones in a heap on the floor, often causing her to growl in her frustration. She then decided to attend the meeting in nothing more than her blue nurse's uniform, which appeared to be clean and appealing. The young woman thought it would show that she was serious about her career, which she hoped would impress the ambassador, and that she was not just the captain's girlfriend. She gave a disappointed squeak and she shrugged. It would have to do given the time she had left to get ready. She stared uncertainly at her reflection, not particularly pleased with the end result. She turned to the side to take a peek at her butt to make sure the skirt was not askew there. With the gentle touch of her freshly-painted fingernails, she smoothed out the creases, making it neat as it clung to the outer part of her thick, curvy thighs. She stopped again to steal a gander at herself. Then, with much skill, she started to comb through her dazzling tresses of midnight-black hair, and brushed it back away from her face. She slipped it in a tidy bun, leaving only a few short strands to hang loosely down her forehead. A nervous but satisfied smile formed on her lipsticked mouth. She was sure to please the ambassador, she just had to. But then, predictably, she began to feel uneasy. She swallowed nervously.

" You know I can just sit this one out. There are plenty of things I could be doing in sickbay," she called out to Jim. " You don't mind if I just go straight there, do you?"

Jim had been getting ready in the bathroom, leaving Kathy her privacy in the main bedroom area of their apartment, and now he was almost finished. With only one swift movement of his hand, he brushed his hair with an old tatty hairbrush that had belonged to Kathy. As he heard his girlfriend's timid holler, he gave a soft smile to himself, his boyish hazel eyes rolling.

" McCoy's got a lot of appointments today!" she continued, her voice muffled through the locked door.

" He'll be there, too, you know!" answered Jim. He could almost laugh at Kathy's shyness. After all, it was what drew him to her in the first place. " Don't worry. The ambassador and his wife are wonderful people. You'd be crazy not to meet them."

Kathy grimaced at the thought and the couple carried on in silence until it was decided that they should start making a move. A somewhat confused frown plastered on his face, Jim emerged from the bathroom. His squinted eyes suggested to Kathy that he was searching for something. A medal, she assumed. But Jim forgot all about it. As Kathy shyly stood in the middle of the room, she gave a breathless chuckle of nervousness and she was quick to cover her body with her hands. She rarely let Jim see her in her uniform; around the waist area, it seemed fairly obvious that it was a tad snug on her. But Jim had lost all sight to that a long time ago. She was a vision of loveliness, and she was to be the belle of the ball at that meeting. To let her know that, his jaw dropped to the floor and his eyes bulged in the shock of her pretty face. She cringed a little, the curl on her lips growing uneasily there.

" I know; I look horrible," she said.

Jim shook his head. " No," he whispered. " You look fine." He smiled at her softly, his undeserving love twinkling behind those hazel eyes.

Kathy rolled her eyes, knowing that it was a lie. She hesitated when she asked, " Are you _sure _you want me there? 'Cause I really don't want to go."

" Why? Why don't you want to go?"

She lowered her gaze, swallowing hard.

" It's not just about looking good, is it?" Jim guessed softly.

Kathy looked away for a brief moment, debating whether or not she should unload her feelings on to him. But she knew she couldn't keep them locked up any longer. She heaved a deep sigh in preparation. " They're Mr. Spock's parents, Jim!" she blurted out unexpectedly, which even almost surprised herself. " If they are anything like him, then…I'm not meeting any ambassadors."

Jim scoffed. He dismissively waved a hand as he folded it into the crook of his arm. " Don't worry! I already told you, they are fantastic; a right barrel of laughs. Seriously, Kath, I don't see why you're so concerned. They're just ordinary people."

" But they're Spock's parents!" she argued. " You know how he acts around me. He hates me! God knows what he's told them about me."

" Aah, come on! He's crazy about you. He just doesn't know what to say sometimes."

Kathy didn't answer. She was too busy digesting what her boyfriend had just told her. She guessed it could be possible that Spock liked her, but she didn't want to believe it.

After a brief pause, a cheeky grin spread across Jim's handsome, boyish face. " Anyway, enough about you. How do _I _look?"

Forgetting her troubles slightly, the young girl giggled. " Very sexy, honey! The ambassador will love _you!_"

Jim beamed mischievously. " When has he not?" he riddled.

Unfortunately, this jokey comment refreshed his memory of the last time they had met. The Ambassador had come on board to be escorted to a conference in Terran territory, which involved the signing of a peace treaty between the Andorians and Bajorans. At the time, Spock and Jim were blooming as a couple, and it was becoming exceedingly difficult to hide that fact. After days of consideration, weighing up the pros and cons, it was decided that they would come out to them. Spock explained to his parents about how the relationship began, what it meant to him, and that Jim was just as happy with the situation. For the parents, naturally, it came as a shock. They had been aware of the men's friendship for a while, but the fact that it would evolve in something more never entered their minds. Amanda was the one to accept her son's homosexuality first, and she came to be very supportive to him. Sarek, however, didn't warm up to the idea for several months, but – very much like his wife – he eventually came to learn that it hadn't changed Spock in any way. He would never admit it, but he decided that he would only offer his support in silence. Jim could almost blush at this memory. If Spock hadn't told them about the break-up, then they would both in hot water – and that would be an understatement. He blinked furiously to shake that memory from his mind and he realised that Kathy was still standing in front of him, looking confused by Jim's sudden daydream. He shot her an awkward smile that he had forced himself to plaster on.

" Never mind," he muttered quietly, giving his head another vigorous shake. " Are you ready?"

Kathy smiled back at him. " Sure. Let's get this thing over with."

She outstretched a hand, and the couple left their quarters and wandered down to the shuttle bay, where they would meet up with Dr. McCoy and Spock. But Spock inevitably had to deal with his own problems that morning, therefore raising suspicion in his parents. Spock, surrounded by his own insanity, had been curled up in a ball on the floor of his bathroom for the past several hours. He was too weak to move, caused by the sudden grip of morning sickness. Every inch of his greenish face was now an unusual colour of the purest white; as white as a blank page before a struggling writer. His entire body trembled uncontrollably against the cooling bathroom tiles, succumbed to a fever, the salty drops of sweat soaking his hair, clothes and boots. By now, he looked – and felt – as though he had just taken a long swim in the largest ocean in the entire universe. He twitched. He had felt another cramp, the twinge coming on suddenly and painfully. He groaned, pursed his lips and clamped his eyes shut. In a rhythmic mental chant, he ordered himself to force this terrible feeling out of his head. But even with his Vulcan ability to withstand discomfort, it became clear to him that he no longer had a say in the matter of his pregnancy symptoms. So he retched. His eyes bulging in the sockets, he forged his lips together to prevent any more and he gave himself a firm shake of the head, trying to convince himself that this was not real. He retched a second time, and he kept on retching until the great urge to vomit struck him. Racing towards the toilet bowl, he spluttered, heaved, hacked, coughed and retched into it for the tenth time that morning. He coughed and spluttered some more, retching still so violently, bringing up nothing but colourless bile. His breathing rapid and erratic, he tried to slow it down in order to stay calm. He stayed in the same position for a few moments, too cautious to move or swallow; just to make sure that the vomiting spell had fully passed. Nothing else happened after a while, which he supposed was a good thing, but that was when he realised that he could never suppress it. He sighed with relief and leant back, thankful for the temporary release. His stomach pains had eased off a little but left a dull ache there as the contents kept forcing itself up. He moaned quietly with effort as he reached forward to flush. His whole body felt weak from all the nausea, under the stress of being a vessel for an unborn child. However, from the observations he'd made over the years, he gathered that it was normal for a human female to experience this unpleasant symptom, so he decided to keep his concerns to himself. That is, if he could get away from the toilet. It wouldn't be long until his parents arrived, and he was determined to be there to greet them. Gently, he pulled up his knees to cradle himself in a sad attempt to comfort himself. He despised all of these aches, cramps, pain and bloating. He heaved the deepest sigh he could possibly muster before he made the effort to stand up. On a pair of weak, wobbly legs, the Vulcan let out one sharp breath and tugged down the hem of his vomit-stained shirt. Taking a good look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he realised that it would take a lot of work to make himself look presentable. He had seen worse and he enjoyed a challenge, so he would take quite a bit of fun out of it that day. As he was still feeling under the weather, he didn't speed through his routine like he usually did, so he ended up trudging through it as slow as a sloth.

With only the Enterprise's captain, chief medical officer and the nurse in the room, the shuttle bay seemed vast, empty and daunting to Kathy. As the high ceiling loomed over her, she began to quake in her two-inch shoes. She whimpered, the sound echoing off the walls. The two men walking in front of her turned as they went and they both smiled warmly at her. In unison, they offered the comforting soles of their hands. Kathy clenched on to them, without a second thought. Hand in hand, the three Starfleet crewmen made the last few steps to the shuttle that had brought Ambassador Sarek and Amanda. While waiting for Spock, they stood in a straight line. Jim and McCoy raised their chins, straightening their spines in the process. Although she was both anxious and nervous about meeting their guests, Kathy couldn't help slouching in her fear of the ambassador.

McCoy looked back and mused out loud, " I wonder where Spock is?"

" Yes, I hope he's all right," answered Jim in agreement.

" Well, I hope this doesn't mean he'll miss his appointment as well."

" Oh, he is seeing you, then?" Jim asked. " What's wrong with him? He wouldn't tell me."

McCoy grew suddenly pale and gulped noisily. " Can't say," he breathed.

Jim nodded his head once to indicate that he understood. He gathered that if it was anything serious, Spock would eventually tell him in his own time. He didn't have long to think about it, though, as the door to the shuttle was opening from the inside. Two red-shirted security guards who had been sent to escort them stepped out first. From behind Jim's broad shoulders, Kathy poked her head out in awe as the guards helped Mrs. Sarek down the shuttle steps. She looked so glamorous, Kathy thought, so much more than she was. The men smiled politely as hellos and welcomes were exchanged. The Ambassador himself stepped out next, refusing support from the guards, his presence big and omniscient. Kathy gulped noisily with fear.

" Hello, Ambassador. Welcome back to the Enterprise. I trust you had a pleasant journey?" Captain Kirk greeted.

" It was sufficient," Sarek replied. Much like his son, his delivery was full of smug arrogance.

" Right." Jim smiled. " You know Dr. Leonard McCoy," McCoy gave a subtle bow of the head. He had long since given up on trying to master the traditional Vulcan greeting. " This," the captain continued, " is the lovely Nurse Kathryn Weller."

Kathy winced a little in surprise as Jim wrapped an arm around her. The element of surprise struck Amanda, too, and she frowned slightly in confusion. She quickly replaced it with a courteous smile. The women shook hands, greeting one another kindly and politely, though Kathy's was inaudible as she was still too shy to speak. Out of the corner of her eye, Kathy noticed the suspicious rise of Sarek's eyebrow.

" Um, where is Spock?" Amanda asked them in a somewhat worried tone of voice.

Kathy shrugged her shoulders and subtly shook her ebony head, too tongue-tied to speak. However, Jim furrowed his brow in utter confusion and glanced back toward the entrance. McCoy did the same.

" Uh, I'm not sure where he is. He's bound to turn up at some point," said Jim.

Amanda made a quiet worried sound, almost in the manner of a mouse's squeak. She looked back at her husband, who appeared to be scowling with anger. " Oh, it's not like him."

" He's just running late…Probably," the doctor guessed.

" Insolent boy!" Sarek muttered under his breath.

Just then, as Sarek was beginning to mentally rant about the indecency and unprofessionalism of his son's behaviour, Spock arrived. He was in a terrible state. Heaving deep breaths as if he had run to get there, he leant his body up against the doorframe with his hair awry and his clothes dishevelled. Even McCoy gasped in surprise at his unkempt appearance. The Vulcan was ghostly pale and he had bags under his eyes, left over from his restless night. His bump was tightly hugged by his scruffy plain blue shirt, making his secret obvious to all who saw him in this unprofessional state. He walked slowly to approach the others, his head lowered and his exhausted feet dragged along the floor. Almost immediately, Amanda clicked into mother mode and she instinctively started to coo and fuss over her sick son. The others looked equally worried, except for Sarek and Kathy. Kathy kept herself hidden from the man she resented, clinging tightly on to Jim's arms. Sarek simply wore an expression of disapproval. Amanda then nearly rushed up to him to give him a great big bear hug. But she didn't. She remembered to restrain herself, being respectful of her son's culture.

In the end, she simply asked the question, " What's the matter, darling? You look so poorly, dear."

" I am fine," her son insisted.

McCoy took a quick look, his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought as he examined his patient. " No, she's right. You don't look good. Please, Spock, please do remember to come to your appointment. You don't have to suffer in silence, ya know."

Sarek gave Spock a disapproving scowl. " Picked up a few nasty human habits, have we, Spock?" he sneered.

" No, no. He just has a fever. Don't you, son?" Amanda cooed. She felt his forehead, realised that he really was burning up and she let out a gasp, clapping a hand to her mouth.

" It's a little more than that," he confessed. He shot a cold glance at Kathy, who silently cowered in response. His hostility was short-lived, though, as nausea washed over him once again. He swallowed. He grew pale again.

" Aww, poor baby," his mother went on, which resulted in Spock rolling his eyes with annoyance.

" Change of plan, Spock," McCoy piped up. " You're comin' to sickbay _right now_. You are welcome to accompany him, Mr. and Mrs. Sarek," he said to Amanda and Sarek.

" Oh, yes!" Amanda fussed. " Come along, Spock."

Spock nearly rolled his eyes again. " _I am fine_, Mother. I merely have a mild condition that does not require medical attention." He retched, quickly hiding it behind a hand.

McCoy scoffed, clucked his tongue and gave a harsh sarcastic chortle in response. " Oh, yeah, and I'm the friggin' tooth fairy. Come on, you'll only make yerself more sick."

Ironically, right at that moment, Spock couldn't hold his sickness back any longer. " Excuse me," he muttered.

To everyone's surprise, he turned on his heels and dashed out of the shuttle bay. The vomit building up in his throat, he looked around with wild eyes, desperate to find a place to expel it. A yeoman walked past, carrying a large potted plant. Spock presumed that she must have been on her way to the botany room. He didn't have time to think, he just vomited into it without offering an apology first. Hearing the horrific sounds of Spock's retching, the doctor rushed out to catch him. Inevitably in his weakened condition, Spock started to become lightheaded. He began to lose his footing and was well on his way to collapsing to the floor. McCoy was quick to help him stand up straight while the others observed the strange happenings by the mechanical door. As Spock coiled his arm around McCoy's neck, his mother spotted the definite, round curve in his belly. She frowned in utter confusion, but had a feeling as to what had caused it.


	8. A Man of Two Minds

" Get the dehydration formula ready."

" Yes, Doctor," said Nurse Chapel.

" A weaker potency," McCoy requested as an afterthought.

Nurse Chapel shot her employer a cheerful smile. " Of course, Doctor," she answered and she bounded off to fulfil his wish.

The gruff, opinionated Southern doctor then turned his attention on to his patient. Spock was curled up in bed, wrapped up warm in the duvet, his eyelids half-open as he dozed. At his request, Jim, Kathy and his parents had been removed from his sight, while he could think of a way to announce his pregnancy without it causing a riot. They were now all anxiously waiting outside, itching for news. Dr. McCoy outwardly let out an exasperated groan and his sapphire-blue eyes did a gambol in his sockets. Spock still looked pretty awful. If only that green-blooded hobgoblin knew when to ask for help. He walked toward the bed and picked up a syringe from the bedside table. Spock didn't move a muscle as the doctor obtained more of the Vulcan's blood. McCoy gave an unfaltering, incoherent grumble as he looked at it, narrowing his eyes to get a closer view. He walked across the room to original place again, intending to run a number of tests on the bodily fluid. Spock, having been conscious the whole time, blinked repeatedly before he felt fully awake. He swallowed hard, his throat dry and sore. He was also very aware of the bitter taste that his vomit had left lingering on his tongue. He swallowed again, this time with the urge to vomit. He looked around wildly until he realised that McCoy had placed a dish on the bedside table. He grabbed it and did what he had to do. Dr. McCoy didn't react – he was used to this kind of thing, after all – and he kept his mind on other things while his patient was being sick. Spock moaned silently when he was finished, disgusted by this action. Placing the dish back on the table, he leant against the headboard to recuperate. He licked his lips clear of the liquid that had clung to them. His head cleared up a little more, he looked in the direction of the doctor and observed the things he was doing for several minutes. He only felt ready to speak when McCoy started to grumble again while he worked.

" Must you insist on doing that irritating noise?" he asked. His voice was nothing more than a mere croak.

McCoy chuckled quietly to himself. " What, this?" he hollered in mock cheerfulness. " Why, that son of a…No good, green-blooded smartass!" he continued, mimicking his own mutterings on a louder volume.

" How very droll, Doctor," Spock weakly quipped.

" I thank you," he joked, smiling. He paused for a second before becoming serious once more. He went to join Spock and sat down in the chair by his bed. " If you were really this sick, why didn't you tell me? I know we've had our problems lately, but I'm still your doctor, ya know."

Spock didn't answer right away. He turned his head so he would not have to face the man who had torn Jim from his grip. " You would have been asleep. I didn't wish to wake you."

" Then you shoulda gone to one o' the other doctors! You coulda just told 'em you were space sick or that you ate some bad shrimp. You gotta stop keepin' up with this charade. You got a kid to think about now." The door slid open noisily. He stopped, buttoned his mouth shut as Nurse Chapel re-entered sickbay. His eyes grew wide, shifting awkwardly.

" Here's the formula, Doctor," she said cheerfully as she handed the tiny vial of liquid to him.

McCoy smiled shyly and gave an appreciative nod of the head. " Thanks. Uhh, our patient had a little accident. If you could take care of it?" he asked her. He turned his attention on to the sick-filled dish. " And I'm very sorry, Nurse, but we want a little privacy while I examine him. Trust me; you don't want to be around for that."

" Sure. If there's anything else you need, just let me know," she replied with a smile as she picked it up. Her face was full of disappointment as she turned to leave.

McCoy snapped right back into the conversation as if nothing had happened. " And what's gonna happen when it starts to get obvious? You can't hide fifty pounds' worth of baby!" he hissed.

Spock heaved a sigh, placing a hand on his growing belly. " You're right," he admitted bitterly. " I had planned to tell my parents. What I didn't plan was this nausea."

McCoy nodded. " Yeah," he muttered in a sympathetic tone. " You want me to call 'em in here?"

" Only my father," Spock requested after a moment's thought, almost hesitating. " I shall tell my mother later. She would not want to see me like this."

McCoy smiled in understanding. " Yeah." He noticed the formula in his hands. " But first, I wanna give you a hydration shot." He smirked somewhat evilly as he transferred the liquid into another syringe. " And then, I wanna do more tests. Lucky you!"

Icy glances were exchanged between the father and son as Sarek paced the room. There was no need for words, each pair of eyes held the history of their feud. It was only them in this moment of reunion, and they both unloaded their secret pain on to one another in silence. They would stop every now and again to blink, moistening the eyes with more untold emotion about the dispute. Spock was now feeling slightly stronger, after McCoy had injected a dosage of medication, so he had decided to sit up with his spine being supported by the pillow. He kept the curve in his abdomen covered with the duvet. He planned to unveil it at the right moment – whenever that may be. He glared at his father with narrowed eyes, which prompted Sarek to do the same thing. The grand Ambassador stopped to sit in a nearby chair. Sitting up straight, his feet firmly on the floor, his hands folded neatly in his lap, the science officer's father emanated every ideal that the Vulcans stood by. He furrowed his brow in what appeared to be genuine interest.

" Dr. McCoy tells me that you have important news," he began. Spock hesitated, suddenly overcome with nerves. He lowered his head in shame. For the first time in a long while, he felt unable to be honest. His father sensing this, he made an attempt to urge him on. " It is about your sickness," he guessed.

" Yes," replied Spock, his voice low, croaky and husky. " First, you must know that I made a mistake. Jim and I…We made a mistake," he admitted.

Sarek considered the thought for a few seconds, not sure if he liked it and his gaze slipped to the door momentarily. " Judging from his behaviour around Nurse Weller, one might assume that they are in a courtship."

" Yes," Spock said, nodding his head. " We have not been a couple for many months, Father. However…"

" However?" Sarek echoed. He almost sounded surprised.

" However, he does not love her. He proved it to me. And now…"

" What is it, my son?"

Spock gulped heavily and he searched the room in his blatant anxiety. He could not bring himself to face his father in the eyes. Sarek closely watched his son's behaviour; his nervous shaking, the bulging of the eyes, the fidgeting hands. Although the elder Vulcan understood the reasons why his son was nervous, he wished Spock would simply tell him. While Spock did all these tell-tale thing things, he tried to think of the right words to say. In the end, he decided to just tell it like it was.

" Father, I did something bad and now I am dealing with the consequences. I'll have to deal with it for the rest of my life."

Sarek frowned in utter confusion. He left his mouth hanging open for a second before he felt the urge to speak. " What is happening to you, Spock? Whatever it is, it can be dealt with," he said.

Subtly, the younger Vulcan shook his head. " I can assure you that it cannot. Because I have a child." The man rested a hand on the duvet, where the beating heart of his baby lay in his womb.

Sarek's fury was instantaneous. He leapt from his chair as if a fire had been lit under his seat. His anger quickly simmered, though, his breathing calmed, and he gradually found his seat again. " _You are pregnant?! _And with that man's child? While he is promised to someone else?" he ordered. " You are a disgrace to the Vulcan race!"

" You've known about my condition for twenty years, Father. You know it can be possible for me," he argued.

" I do not care about that! It is a violation of our agreement!"

" It was illogical of you to say whom I was not allowed to engage in sexual intercourse with. It is my life, Father. Besides, we fornicated on a regular basis before we parted ways. Your agreement was meaningless here," Spock bravely confessed. He could sense his father's anger start to broil up again. He could almost smirk at it.

Sarek let out a sharp breath, his demeanour still as calm as night. " This agreement was to prevent reproduction from ever occurring," he explained slowly in a tone which suggested that he was tired of repeating himself. " It seems that you have forgotten this."

" I have not."

" Did the Captain put you up to it?"

" No. It was I."

Ambassador Sarek heaved a deep sigh as if in great disappointment. He paused for a long moment before asking, " Was this child meant to be conceived?"

Spock hesitated before dreaming up an answer. In his heart, he desperately wanted to say 'yes', hoping that his father would not suggest the option of the alternative solution. But he knew it wasn't so, remembering that he and Jim had forgotten to use contraception. " No," he muttered.

" Then, while you are on this ship and under his command, I suggest you terminate the pregnancy. For you to end an unwanted life at this time in yours is the logical thing to do," said Sarek bluntly. He genuinely didn't know how his son would cope with the duties of a Starfleet officer and juggle the responsibilities of being a parent at the same time.

In response to this proposal, Spock gave a nod of respect for his father, even though deep down, he was unsure if it was the right thing. " I accept your suggestion, Father. I shall consider it thoroughly."

" I suggest you do," Sarek said sternly. The room fell into an awkward silence, the father and son having no things to say. Sarek gestured to the lump in the duvet. " Is that the child?"

Spock's gaze slid down to it. " Yes. Do you wish to see?" He pushed the duvet down a fraction, simultaneously lifting up the hem of his shirt. He slipped his legs out from underneath the bedcovers and he stood tall, his belly bare and proud.

Sarek made sure he got a good view of it. He frowned curiously at it. Having been a father to two sons, he realised that a bump should not be visible yet. Not at this stage, at least; especially in a Vulcan pregnancy. " It is rather large. How many weeks are you, exactly?"

" Dr. McCoy has not yet calculated an official estimation. I, however, believe I am around six to seven weeks. Why do you ask?"

His father quirked his eyebrow, deciding it was logical not to say anything. " Well, Spock. It seems that you have recovered. Would you prefer to leave sickbay and…return to work?"

" I would, Father, but Dr. McCoy has not yet finished completing the tests. I suspect that it will take several hours." As Sarek turned to leave his pregnant son in solitude, Spock brought up another subject. " You will not tell Mother yet, will you?" he asked. He was almost pleading – Sarek could hear it in his voice.

" If you do not wish me to, then I will not," Sarek agreed.

As Spock uttered an appreciative 'thank you' to his father, the door whooshed open to reveal Dr. McCoy. Behind him, Spock noticed the concerned face of the captain, who was looking anxiously in and hoping he would be let inside. The door quickly closed again as the doctor entered with a large, dusty device on wheels. As he walked past, the Vulcan Ambassador greeted him with a polite nod of the head, which prompted McCoy to do the same thing. He then left the two officers alone to wait outside with the others. They would all eventually grow bored and disperse to carry on with their work. In sickbay, Spock stared at the strange device, observing every detail with his hawk-eye vision. In his curiosity, his eyebrows lowered slightly into a frown as Dr. McCoy wheeled it closer to the bed when he instructed his patient to lie on it.

" What is this machine, Doctor? I have never seen it before," questioned Spock. He was surprised to find that McCoy had a machine like this at his disposal.

A mischievous glint in the doctor's sapphire-blue eyes shone brightly underneath the sickbay's lights. " That's because no one ever gets knocked up on this ship," he said cheekily. " This is like a kind of X-ray, but without the radiation. So it's safe to use on pregnant women."

The male cocked a disapproving eyebrow, knowing that he had made that joke on purpose.

" Sorry," he mumbled, not really meaning it. " It determines exactly what you're havin'. A boy; a girl; a litter of kittens. Whether the little guy is healthy or has any abnormalities like a third eye or…or pointed ears," he continued, deliberately making bad jokes. Knowing exactly what kind of response Spock would give, a broad smug expression formed on his rounded face. Spock detected an almost childlike excitement in the doctor. And it was true. If it wasn't for the crick in his back, he would have been bouncing off the walls with glee. At last, he had a reason to use this piece of equipment! " Too bad the image's a little faulty on this thing. I meant to send for another one in '66, but I never used the stupid thing, so I didn't see the point."

" As always, I have total confidence in you, Doctor," Spock retorted.

" Oh, shut up! The read-out is still pretty good, though, I think. It's just that I can't get a picture. Now if I can just set it up…"

This was when Spock decided it was time to tune out McCoy's prattle. The doctor's incessant rambling faded down to a slow, faint hum of a metallic drone. This way, the nervous Vulcan felt enough at ease to consider the option that his father had advised him. As McCoy noisily and clumsily connected all the necessary wires for the scanning device to work, the pros span around Spock's distracted mind like a wheel of fire in Mars' burning red sky. The pros he thought of were most convincing and most tempting, and Spock then began to understand why his father wished this on him. If he was to terminate, he would still be able to work on the Enterprise. He wouldn't have to be sent home just to take for a child he wasn't even sure he wanted; he could live out the remainder of his years the way he wanted to, and not be dominated by the offspring's endless needs. His privacy, too, would be protected. No one needed to know about the pregnancy, especially Jim, because it would kill everything he had with Kathy. Even though Spock had not taken a liking to McCoy's newest nurse, he knew it was illogical to simply harm a person's feelings without any good reason. But…The dreaded but. The cons sneaked stealthily into his brain, laying their eggs like some horrible alien parasite. But if the child, another person entirely with a beating heart, was to be aborted, Spock could lose his one and only chance of becoming a parent. After all, he had not erased that from his bucket list, if he would ever find the perfect partner. But then, with a mental scold, he told himself that it was not a question of wanting. He finally convinced himself that he was being selfish; being cruel to four lives at once. Or he at least tried to. He would be robbing an innocent baby of an entire life, sure to be filled with growing up, discovering oneself, experiencing love and loss. Perhaps Sarek was wrong. But those pros were indeed tempting to take. Torn between these two paths, Spock found himself locked inside the asylum of his body, trapped between his brain and his heart – two worlds entirely.

" Dammit!" came McCoy's annoyed bark. Spock blinked. " This thing's ain't workin'. I gotta get Scotty down here. Sorry, Spock, it looks like we're not seeing your kiddy today."

" I am uncertain if I wish to," replied Spock.

Dr. McCoy's eyebrows lowered. " What? O' course you do! Why, you havin' second thoughts?"

" I am considering my father's advice."

" Wait, lemme guess. He wants ya to get an abortion?"

" Yes," Spock croaked solemnly. " It seems that I am undecided."

McCoy heaved a deep sigh. " You'd be givin' up a lot if you do. Seriously, Spock, I can't help ya on this. It's gotta be your choice, not your father's or anybody else's."

" How do humans cope with such decisions?" he riddled in genuine curiosity.

At a loss for words, Dr. McCoy gave a mere shrug of the shoulders. " It's _the _hardest decision anyone can make. All I can suggest is…" he paused, not believing that Spock was asking for his advice, " make the right one."

Spock's pencil-straight eyebrows furrowed, utterly bemused. " Which is the right one?"

" That's what you gotta find out."

Over the course of that day, it became clear to everyone on the bridge that Spock was not in the mood to talk. While the Captain badgered him to take the day off to recover, Spock kept his lips stapled shut. And when fellow shipmates asked him if he was feeling better after that dreadful morning, he didn't even have the decency to reassure them. One might have simply assumed that the Vulcan officer was in a foul mood, his standoffish behaviour fuelled by misery and anger and angst. But Jim knew more than that. Spock was troubled, deeply so it appeared. Whatever it was, he wished with all of his heart that there was something he could do to help his friend even if he didn't know the cause. He wondered if the sickness had anything to do with it. But as much as Spock wished he could discuss it with another, he could not bring himself. He couldn't even raise a sound from his vocal cords. He was not sure what he was saving his voice for, but it was his mind that was working at top speed. Carefully examining all the possibilities, he leafed through all the pros and all the cons of terminating his pregnancy. What if the child was born with a disability, which would hinder its quality of life? But what if it was destined to do something great in this universe? It hurt him to make this choice. But as much as he tried, he became the embodiment of all the confusion he was suffering from. He came to a realisation eventually, however; something he was not proud of. He was to come to someone for their advice.

In almost a nervous demeanour, Spock paced the floor of his parents' quarters, his mother watching anxiously as she sat comfortably on the sofa.

" Whatever is the matter, Spock?" she questioned. " You've been acting strangely. Is everything all right? Are you ill? What's happened between you and the Captain?" she bombarded him with more questions he could not find the answer to.

Suddenly overcome with nausea once more, the Vulcan gave a mighty swallow, tempted to look his mother in the eye.

" Please, darling. I'm worried about you," she went on, the sincerity in her voice thick like honey.

Spock did a much unexpected thing for his mother. He stopped dead-cold in his tracks, turned and rushed to her side – all within a matter of seconds. With a soft, inaudible grunt of effort, he then lowered his body to the floor, his knees planted neatly on the carpet as if he was kneeling before a grand queen. And to Amanda's shock, she let out a gasp as he gripped on to her hands, squeezing them tightly so he would not be able to let them go. She could feel her son tremble with fear as the grip tightened around her wrists, but it did not hurt. And at last, as he ran his thumbs over the spines of her hands, rendering them motionless, he revealed his secret to her.

" I'm pregnant, Mother," he whispered. He laid his head in Amanda's lap, which freed her to stroke her son's ebony-black hair.

In her joy, tears began to form in her soft, human eyes and she chuckled heartily. " Is that all, my darling?" she riddled as she planted a sweet kiss on Spock's head. " Honestly, dear, I worked that out already."

He raised his head at her, his eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. This was not the response he was expecting.

" You think a mother doesn't know about these things?" she riddled again, giving a small, sly smile. " While you were being sick this afternoon…I worked it out."

" I made no implication. How did you know this?"

" Because I was never sick before I was pregnant with you, Spock."

Spock lowered his head and swallowed sheepishly, not uttering a word.

Amanda chuckled warmly and she placed a loving hand on his shoulder. " There is much to learn about a parent's love, my child. Regardless of the situation, your mother will always love you, and support you, and never ever judge you." Only his eyes moving, Spock kept his head down in shame. A soft, welcoming smile spread across Amanda's face. " Spock, you know as well as I that your father's 'agreement' was just another way of controlling you. You found your love and this is your way of showing it."

" There are other ways?" asked Spock.

Amanda nodded. " Hm. Yes, there are other ways. Some show it by saying 'I love you,' but you, my wonderful boy, you have shown it by conceiving a baby! And if you are ashamed of that, then…perhaps you don't deserve it." Spock swallowed again, which caused Amanda to smile again. She cupped his face her hands, tenderly running a finger along his jawline. " You can never disappoint me or your father."

" He told me that I have disgraced the Vulcan race," Spock whispered in a croak. " He advised me to terminate it."

Her blue eyes shining, Amanda clucked her tongue, tutting at her husband's behaviour. It was her turn to take her son's hands in hers. " Oh, no, no, no, no," she muttered.

" You do not think I should go through with it?"

" No," she admitted slowly, thinking very carefully to choose her words.

Spock was confused again. " I have thought about everything. Very last detail. Very logical choice there is. But it seems that a decision like this cannot be solved by logic. Whatever should I do, Mother?" he pleaded in utter despair.

" First," she said kindly but firmly, giving Spock a motherly pat of the hand, " I want you to stop fretting. And secondly, I want you to stop thinking about logic for a moment. Now, you must do what feels right in your heart. Not your head. Do you understand?"

For just one brief moment, as Spock leant back to return to his original standing position, an expression graced his face, his dark brown eyes shining as if he had just been enlightened by some ethereal creature. He cast his eyes upward, Amanda watching closely in awe, and to her, it seemed as though he had made his decision right then and there. What he had decided to do, no one would ever know because, just as Spock opened his mouth to announce it, Dr. McCoy's excited voice came through over the intercom. Both the Vulcan and his human mother jumped in surprise.

" _Spock! Spock!"_

Spock dashed to the device on the wall and pressed a button. " What is it, Doctor?" he asked into it.

" _I've got the results of the scan back! As it turns out, it wasn't broken at all! It just took longer than I anticipated! You gotta get here, quick! You won't believe what I've found!"_

" I'll be there as soon as I can. Spock out."

McCoy's wide toothy grin was the first thing that caught Spock's attention as he entered sickbay a few minutes later. Like several hours earlier, the doctor was close to bouncing around the room in delight. Spock cocked an eyebrow at him and he folded his arms. Noticing, McCoy stopped immediately, but he didn't even attempt to compose himself. In the manner of a small child on Christmas morning, he skipped closer to the first officer. Nothing could have prepared Spock for what the doctor was about to tell him.

" Spock! Spock, it's-it's twins!"


	9. 20 Years Ago on Vulcan

There was no doubt in whether Jim cared deeply for Kathy. He wasn't sure if it was love, but he definitely adored being in her company. She was incredibly charming to him, and endearing, too. Admittedly, though, he did not find her to be that physically appealing to his taste, but it was her laugh that made up for it, and her smile. When she smiled, it was as if thousands of gold pieces were showering down from the Heavens and they would turn out to be made of chocolate because Kathy was the brightness and the sweetness in Jim's life. But sometimes, Jim would feel guilty. Despite his devotion to her, there was something he would always regret. When Jim first moved in with Kathy, while she was still living in her one-roomed apartment in California, he had no idea at all what he was in for. But it didn't take long for him to realise. He had become a victim of her strange sleeping habits. Strange, perhaps, was not the nicest way to put it, but Jim couldn't describe it any other way. The Starfleet nurse clearly had no idea of what she was capable of during her unconscious state because she would always deny it in the morning. She had a snore that was so loud that it sounded much like a Klingon with a bad case of the flu. Not only did it mean frequent sleepless nights for Jim, but also for the people three decks down. But that wasn't the worst of it. Kathy was also an avid dreamer, and she would always move about in bed at the most active moments. Come morning, Jim would always find a new batch of foot-shaped bruises all over his back, arms and legs. He was never sure what these dreams were truly about, but it would often include hotdogs made out of ghosts, purple penguins, killer androids and waltzing paperclips. Since he could never sleep while Kathy was around, Jim would pass the time by listening in on her sleep-talking. So it was not surprising to find him wide awake, still in nothing but his boxer shorts, wandering the entirety of their quarters.

Humming discreetly, he ran a finger across the chest of drawers, not finding a speck of dust. He heaved a deep sigh of boredom. He glanced over at Kathy, who had just spread her arms out to Jim's empty side. She was muttering something that couldn't be heard in between her snores. But suddenly, he heard the welcoming chime of the door. Jim frowned, curious to know who it was. He guessed it must be Lieutenant Ramirez, wanting the captain's advice on something dull and tedious. But it was Spock with an aged cream-coloured shawl draped over him, and a half-eaten sandwich in his hand.

" Spock," Jim said in a hushed whisper, " what a surprise. What brings you here at this time of night?"

Spock took one large bite out of his snack, munching on it hungrily. " I have something to tell you. It's important," he announced, swallowing noisily.

Jim glanced over his shoulder for a second to make sure that Kathy was still fast asleep, feeling uneasy at the prospect that she might be listening in. A brief, small smile formed on his face for a moment as he turned his attention back on to Spock. " Sure. What is it?"

Spock's gaze slid down to the sandwich in his hand, his index finger grazing the unusual filling, and he gave an awkward gulp of nervousness. He was intending to tell Jim about the pregnancy that night. Kathy, as innocent as she was in this particular situation, didn't deserve to hear about it, especially when she was in her sleep. " May we discuss this someplace else?" he muttered quietly, popping a piece of bread into his mouth.

A grin spread across the human's face, the tiredness and boredom melting away. " OK. We'll go to your quarters?" he suggested. Even though he had already proven his unfaithfulness, Jim secretly hoped this meeting, too, would lead to another moment of danger and passion.

His disappointment was instantaneous, however, when Spock declined. " No, it's best if we do not," he answered. He took another nervous bite from the sandwich. Jim snorted a little in his amusement. He had realised what kind of sandwich it was. He chuckled again in disbelief, which prompted the unimpressed frown to form on Spock's face. " Was it something I said?" he riddled.

Before Jim answered, he went back inside for a second to grab his dressing gown. As he wrapped it around himself, the two officers started to make their way down the corridor in search of a paradise. This was when Jim piped up, " What's with the midnight snack?"

" I was hungry," Spock replied decidedly. He wasn't quite ready to say that this was a consequence of being pregnant, and that it was Dr. McCoy who told him to put on weight. " I wanted food, so I got it," he continued. He munched again, the taste hypnotic to him.

" No, I mean the filling. It looks like it's potato chips," Jim sniggered.

" Exactly," replied Spock as a matter-of-factly.

Jim scoffed. " I would've thought chips in a sandwich was illogical."

In response to this joke, Spock's eyebrow immediately raised. " It is a British delicacy, Captain. I have developed quite a taste for it recently," he explained nonchalantly.

The corners of Jim's mouth curled into a broad, mischievous grin as they walked. It wasn't unusual for Spock to become fascinated by the cuisines of other worlds, tasting a new meal everywhere he went, but Jim had never seen him get so enthusiastic about something as simple as a potato chip sandwich. As the pair rounded a corner, heading towards the entrance of the turbolift, the human captain was mesmerised by how quickly the food disappeared into Spock's digestive system. He guessed it would undoubtedly join the mass in the Vulcan's ever-growing stomach. Spock noticed these little gazes, and was suddenly struck down by a feeling of self-consciousness. The shawl, which had been wrapped around so elaborately, only covered his belly a little bit. He wondered if Jim somehow knew all along, and that he was putting on some sort of charade suggesting otherwise. While the turbolift travelled smoothly across the ship, the two officers stood side by side in complete silent with only the whir of the machine to dance around them. The lift arrived at its destination on Deck Five, Jim and Spock still as mute as two awkward strangers. A tingle in Spock's stomach started to make itself known to him, and he realised that he might be reunited with his midnight snack. His face grew pale, but didn't say a thing as he and Jim marched down the corridor to the rec room. At this time of night, most of the ship's officers were asleep or at their posts, whiling their time away until it was their turn to sleep. So, in this particular case, the room was relatively empty. In the corner, a group of sleepy engineers sat, huddled around a small table, snoozing lightly with half-drunken coffee cups in their hands. The companions found it an acceptable place to talk. From the food replicator, Spock retrieved a glass of lemon juice to settle his aching stomach. He drank it slowly – just as Dr. McCoy instructed – and in a hushed, hesitant tone, he revealed to Jim all his secrets. The reason for his sickness, the babies' age, what his father had told him, what his mother had told him, and the rest of the obstacles he had overcome. As Spock told him all of this, Jim could almost pinch himself. He wondered if he had fallen asleep and had dreamt this, but it was real and he was conscious. But he didn't want to believe it. Jim was with Kathy now, and had moved on from that forbidden moment he'd shared with Spock. He didn't understand exactly how he could become pregnant anyway. Spock was male, the finest male he had ever met, so he was sure that this was pretty much impossible. Jim leant back in his seat, sighing heavily as he tried to make sense of everything. He paused for a minute or two, his brain pumping to listen to Spock's words one more time.

" You…are pregnant with twins?" he questioned, puzzled.

" Yes, Captain," Spock replied in a soft, comforting tone.

" I am the…uh, fath—I provided the sperm?" Jim went on, uncertain on his choice of words.

" You are the last man I slept with, so yes."

" I know the facts of life and all that, but how exactly are you capable of getting pregnant, Spock? Is it a Vulcan feature?"

As the last syllable escaped the captain's mouth, a near-mournful expression started to take over Spock's face. He lowered his gaze to his glass, staring into its depths.

Jim observed slowly and in a hesitant waver, he guessed, " It isn't, is it?"

Spock said nothing.

" If it isn't Vulcan, then what is it?" he pleaded.

Spock sighed heavily in what appeared to be woe, but still kept that dignified demeanour. " I will tell you, Captain. However, it is very distressing for a human."

The captain considered the warning, his eyebrows lowering into a frown as he thought. He noticed the sadness that Spock seemed to inhabit. It pained him to see him with those kinds of eyes. " How is it for a Vulcan?"

" Much worse. Much, much worse."

Jim clucked his tongue in sympathy. Without thinking, he grabbed on to one of Spock's hands and gave it a loving squeeze of support. And Spock didn't pull away. Not at first. He smiled weakly at his former lover and he began to tell his tale. " It occurred two decades ago on Vulcan when the planet's most revered scientists were brought together. They made an attempt to develop a drug that was said to have the ability to control the effects of Pon Farr. I was a willing participant in the experimental stage. I was among a group of six altogether – three males; three females. It was our job to test this drug. But there was a side-effect."

Jim swallowed nervously. " What side-effect?" he riddled.

" It caused me to experience a second puberty."

" A second…puberty?"

" It is difficult to put into words…but yes. It was the strangest thing," Spock whispered, thinking hard to come up with the perfect phrases.

Wide-eyed in astonishment, Jim could only gulp. He desperately wanted to believe that this second puberty was of a male's, but he was too smart for that. It only made sense that Spock had gone through a female puberty, giving him this miraculous ability. The captain lost all will to speak momentarily, so he let Spock explain.

" The female hormones, oestrogen and progesterone, were released into my body. I started to experience these…" Spock paused, ashamed, " feelings. These wild, unpredictable emotions. It was only a matter of time I would develop a womb, uterus, ovaries and mammary glands. There was a substance in the drug that aided this unusual development. But that's not all. These sexual organs are functional. Without a doubt, Captain." He lowered his gaze momentarily to catch a glimpse of his belly. He placed a protective hand there.

Jim heaved a deep sigh. " I don't know what to say, Spock. This is truly extraordinary. Were you the only one who suffered from this…side-effect?"

" Unfortunately, no. An associate of mine whom I had known since childhood developed it also. He took part in the experiment only because I did not want to do it alone," he added solemnly and silently in respect of his deceased friend. " When I had my first cycle, I immediately withdrew my application and went into hiding before the scientists could make this discovery. But Sadek was too slow. They performed tests on him. To see how well these organs were capable of sustaining offspring. Sadek was impregnated with his own sperm and carried a foetus to full-term. However, there were some complications and he died in childbirth."

" Oh, how terrible. I'm very sorry," Jim whispered. " Did the baby survive?" he asked in a worried tone of voice.

" No. It died inside him."

" So, even after all that, you chose to live your life with these organs, knowing about your ability. Knowing about the risk. Tell me, why? Why, Spock?"

Spock quirked his eyebrows in thought, realising that he had brought up an interesting point. As the Vulcan thought about his t'hy'la's question, he came to learn that he didn't have a logical answer. He remembered his father taking him to the doctor to request a removal of these fleshy organs. But the teenager had refused. Spock gave a shrug. " The same reason why the twins were not terminated," he presumed. " Why end a life that's just begun? Why remove that right? Why remove my right?"

" And in your case, you have two lives with you," Jim couldn't help but point out with a smile.

" Yes," Spock responded, quite tickled at the thought. He had always wondered what it was like to be a parent. And in that brief moment, he was excited to meet those two little babies. But he quickly repressed it.

Jim's smile began to fade as he remembered he had a girl, sleeping, waiting for him in his quarters. " But…" he whispered. " What about Kathy?"

" End your relationship with her," Spock advised. " Or don't. It is your choice," he added as he suddenly started to squirm. The babies seemed to be protesting against the lemon juice because his stomach was rumbling quite violently now. His head jerked as he released a little, inaudible belch.

As the alien offered his suggestion, Jim's mind began to drift away into the dark night, wandering the empty hallways in search of the captain's quarters. In the back of his mind, he knew Kathy would still be asleep, blissfully unaware that he was not there with her. Little did he know, she had woken up and she was now calling out his name. Jim sighed deeply. He leant forward to place his elbows on the table. He moaned in despair, his hands completely covering his face.

" Don't ask me to do that! I like her; it'll break her heart." This was where he paused, in order to compose himself. He then shot a fleeting glance across the table. To notice his friend's colourless cheeks was inevitable. He frowned in the deepest concern for him. " Spock, are you all right?" he asked worriedly.

" Yes, it is a mere case of nausea. It is sure to pass," he replied slowly. The urge to vomit was creeping up on him again. He gulped and clapped a shaking hand to his mouth. But that didn't stop him.

Jim grimaced as he watched Spock empty the contents of his stomach all over the floor. " Well, if you're sure," he muttered.

He reached over and patted his friend on the shoulder, who thought that he should rest in sickbay until the nausea passed. And after the brisk walk back to his quarters, Jim began to feel himself slip into a state of exhaustion. But he didn't feel quite ready to enter that room yet. Standing alone in the corridor, he stretched out his arms and released a mighty yawn.

After, the man's lips formed a smile as he muttered to himself, " I'm gonna be a dad. Unbelievable!" He then let out a sharp exhale and tightened the rope of his dressing gown. When he entered the room, he'd expected to be met by the raucous sound of Kathy's snores. But the entire accommodation was as silent as a tomb.

Having heard the whoosh of the door, Kathy rushed out from the bathroom. The relief washed over her like a wave of an ocean. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him, giving him a little fright.

" What's up, Kath?" he asked, running his fingers through her coal-black hair.

" I woke up to use the bathroom and you weren't here. I was worried," she whispered. Her grip on him tightened.

Jim chuckled lightly and a little guiltily. " I had a little trouble getting to sleep, so I went for a walk. That's all," he half-lied. Kathy placed her hands on her hip and raised an eyebrow in suspicion. This only made Jim laugh more. " Honest! I wasn't tired, so I went for a walk."

" So you weren't snooping around the bridge? Seriously, do you ever get a break from that place?" she teased and she gave him a peck on the lips.

Jim smiled and decided to let her believe the story she'd fabricated herself. " No," he mused out loud. " No, I guess not."

Relieved, the young woman rolled her eyes. " Well, let's get you off to bed. The Enterprise doesn't need a sleepy captain now, does she?" She chuckled lightly as she patted Jim on the shoulder. With a soft, mischievous curl of the lips, the starship captain watched closely as Kathy slunk over to the bed again. She turned her head slightly and she sensed his burning eyes. She scoffed. " Are you coming or what? I can't sleep without someone warm and big to cuddle." Then she did the one thing that finally coaxed Jim to sit with her.

As she lowered herself down to the bed, she beckoned him with a single finger. In the end, Jim performed a little run-up and leapt on to the bed with ease, resulting in much laughter between the two.

" Hey, I've got something to tell you," he piped up, the excitement about to burst through him.

" What? What is it?" Kathy answered and smiled, anxious to know. She gave a tender caress of Jim's chin.

But then, Jim realised that Spock had told him to keep the news of his pregnancy a secret until he was ready to announce it officially. He swallowed deeply and stuttered for a few seconds before he could come up with a little white lie. " Uh, well, I…I love you."

This was the very first time he admitted it. And Kathy believed it.


	10. To Err is Human

**Ted Ryan was named after Ryan Tedder! OMG squee!**

Over a month had passed, and word had since got around the ship that the first officer was expecting twins. There were times when no one could talk about anything else. It wasn't what Spock had planned, but in the end, he decided to just let these illogical humans be illogical. In addition to this, when Spock first made the announcement, he never identified the father of these twins. It was to protect Jim's privacy and to shelter Kathy from the bitter truth. Besides, Spock didn't need to anyway. Most of the crew had already assumed that it was Jim, and because Spock didn't wish to make it known, they respected the request and never mentioned it. In public, that is. But as far as Nurse Chapel was concerned, Spock's wish appeared to be nothing but a load of ludicrous hogwash. She would talk about the pregnancy to everyone and everything, even the person that the secret was being kept from. One afternoon, while the three women were on their lunch break, Nurse Chapel, Lieutenant Uhura and Kathy were sitting in the corner of the rec room. They chatted and gossiped about the menial things in life like a group of housewives with nothing else better to do. The conversation eventually fell upon the subject of Spock's pregnancy and the father's identity.

" Really?!" Uhura and Kathy exclaimed in unison. Keeping the secret had apparently worked. Even when she worked in sickbay, Kathy had not been aware of the Vulcan's appointments.

" Uh-huh!" Nurse Chapel grunted, nodding her blonde head enthusiastically in excitement. " And he's requested that no other nurse can treat him but me. Sorry, Kathy," she added with a chuckle and a grin.

Even though Kathy was disappointed, she didn't show it. She guessed it had something to do with the fact that Spock hated her. She wouldn't have wanted to treat Spock anyway; he was not the easiest person to talk to.

Uhura's dark, chocolate eyes widened and watered as she let out a huge belly-laugh in disbelief. " Spock?! Pregnant?!" she guffawed. " That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

Nurse Chapel embodied her patient for a moment by imitating his infamous eyebrow raise. " Laugh all you want, Miss. Uhura. Mr. Spock is in sickbay right now throwing his guts up. Ridiculous or not, he _is_ pregnant and he is a very sick man."

" How did it happen? How is it that Mr. Spock, of all people, is able to get pregnant?" she asked, still not convinced. Kathy frowned for a second, realising that she had a point.

Chapel shrugged. " I don't know," she admitted. " He refused to tell me. Dr. McCoy said it was something to do with an experiment." She gave a small smile, which Uhura misread as a sign of bluffing.

" Ha! You _are_ lying!"

" I'm not lying!" the nurse chuckled.

" So is it true or not?" asked Kathy hesitantly.

Nurse Chapel blinked in surprise. " I thought you already knew, Kathy. When Mr. Spock comes in for his appointments, the Captain is always there with him. I thought he would've told you."

Confused, the black-haired young woman shook her head slowly. " He hasn't said a thing. But I guess it's OK if Spock wants him there."

Uhura gave herself a mental, knowing but sad smile. She knew that her friend would be heartbroken if she ever found out the truth, but she didn't have the heart to say anything. " I guess the twins' father didn't want to know and the Captain stepped in to support him," she wondered out loud to keep up appearances.

" I wonder who it is?" said Nurse Chapel, who honestly didn't have a clue about Spock and Jim's relationship.

Kathy thought for a second. " You know, I bet it's Ensign Ryan down in Engineering."

" Ted?!" Uhura piped up. " Why do you think it's him?"

Kathy shrugged sheepishly. " I don't know. He just seems to change boyfriends all the time. I thought maybe Mr. Spock was one of them."

" Frank, David, Christopher, Isaac, Robert…" Chapel counted just a small number of boyfriends that Ensign Ryan had had in the past. " Yes, yes. I suppose Spock could've gone out with him. Unless it was one of those other guys."

And so, in that brief moment, Kathy formulated a plan. After the girls had finished their lunches, they said their goodbyes and they all bounded off to their assigned department. Uhura went back to the bridge, while Nurse Chapel returned to the sickbay to care for Spock and get bossed around by Dr. McCoy. Kathy, however, had different ideas. Instead of returning to the medical lab, where she would've spent the day dealing with tedious paperwork, she snuck off to the engineering room. There, the crewmen wore red and they were all fiddling with a machine or control panel of some kind to keep the ship moving through space. Kathy spotted Ensign Ted Ryan by a computer screen, where he was busy pressing buttons and taking notes on a clipboard. He was a handsome, well-built young man in his early twenties. Kathy had met him only once before, and had found him to be every girl's dream. She remembered being envious of Ensign Daniel Roach, who was Ted's boyfriend at the time. She quivered slightly at the sight of him. She knew she shouldn't really, but she enjoyed stealing glances of him whenever they past each other in corridors. Suddenly, Scotty appeared in front of her, and she leapt out of her skin with pure terror.

" Oh! Scotty, you scared me!" she cried out, giggling breathlessly. She placed a hand over her racing heart.

" Sorry, lass," he replied and smiled.

" Uh, I was wondering if I could have a word with Ensign Ryan."

" Sure, 'e's over there." The man pointed a finger. He then raised his voice and let out a mighty, brash holler. " Oi, Teddy lad!"

Ted whirled around, looking up in curiosity. " What?" came his faint reply.

" Nurse Weller's 'ere for ye!"

There was a pause as Ted considered it. " Well, what does she want?" he bellowed testily.

Kathy inwardly rolled her eyes at the boy's attitude. She yelled, " It's, um, I dunno. It's about your check-up last week." She grumbled furiously at herself. She could never make up a good excuse under pressure. But thankfully, Ted really did have a check-up the week before.

Ted shrugged and muttered, " Sure."

Kathy gave a shy smile and she ran down the stairs, closer to the ensign. Scotty smiled as he left the room for a few minutes.

" What about my check-up?"

" Um, uh, well…Honestly, uh, well, you know…You know you've had all those boyfriends?"

" Yeah?"

" Well, Dr. McCoy wanted to know if you were using protection?" the nurse asked nervously.

Ted scoffed. " Yeah, of course. What, you think I'm an idiot?"

Kathy gulped. " No," she squeaked. " No, no. It's just that…um…"

" What?! You think I've got an STD?" he snapped.

Kathy could feel his shadow looming over her as he advanced on her. She began to quake with fear. But suddenly, the adrenaline overtook her body. " I know about you and Mr. Spock!" she screeched, her voice carrying throughout the room. Everyone silenced and stared in her direction. " I know about you and Mr. Spock," she said again in a breathless whisper. " How dare you leave those two little babies? I don't care about your reputation; Spock is pregnant and he needs your support. OK? Just be a man for once."

With those piercing brown eyes, Ted stared at the little girl in disbelief. Once he was sure she was done yelling at him, he burst out laughing, prompting everyone else to do the same. " You think _I'm _the father of Spock's twins?! Me?!"

Tears welling up in her eyes, Kathy gulped and nodded. " You have a new boyfriend every week," she squeaked. " You get through men like candy." The people's laughter was burning through her, killing her spirit inside.

Ted laughed again. " Listen, Nurse. I like my guys tall, dark and broody, but Mr. Spock…? Vulcans just don't do it for me, to be honest." He noticed the tears in her eyes, so he tried to be comforting to her, even though he wasn't the best in these kinds of situations. " Look, why don't you talk to Captain Kirk about it. You guys are still going out with each other, right?"

" Just tell me. Are you or not?" she mumbled quietly.

" Nah. I know who is, though. But as I said, you'll have to speak to Kirk about that." He went back to his work after shooting her a playful wink.

Kathy stood there for a moment or two before she was overwhelmed with the urge to cry, embarrassed by all the laughter. Her hands covering her beetroot-red face, she fled the engineering room. The cruel laughter of the engineers echoed in her head, their sniggers and their screams tortured her like a dog in a cage. She swore she could even hear snarky comments about her weight. Whether it was something that her mind made up or not, she never knew. All she was concerned about was getting away from this horrible nightmare. She kept running through the corridors with no real destination. The tears streaming down her round, crimson face felt like blood against her skin. The blood of her passion and her hate and her fear. The world around her now had transformed into nothing but noise and chaos, her thoughts could only focus on the negative. Her past had resurfaced. She could still remember those mean-spirited chants word for word, and she cursed the day she'd started school. Her hair, now wild, became loose from its bun, and strands of it became soaked in tears as she ran. Bumping into people along the way, she could barely muster apologies, but she started to get a clear idea as to where to go. She ached to be held by him, and comforted with that deep voice of his.

" Kathy!" he called in utter surprise as the door hissed open. He grunted a little as she dashed into his arms, but he quickly caught on. He held her lovingly and shushed her. " What happened, darlin'?"

" Dr. McCoy, I…I did something stupid!" she sobbed. She stared at her boss directly in the eye.

" What? What is it?" asked McCoy in a worried tone. He moved the sobbing nurse away from the screen.

Behind the screen was a bed; the very bed that Spock had been resting in. He was still there, now wide awake from being disturbed by the girl's crying, with the Captain sitting in a chair beside him. The two men were frozen in fear. Their breathing silenced, and they listened intently in on the conversation.

" I made a fool of myself. They laughed at me," Kathy muttered coldly and sniffled.

Jim's head perked up at this.

McCoy smiled softly. He gently brushed a thumb across her face in order to wipe the tears away. " Aww, I'm sure ya didn't, little missy."

" I did! I'm gonna be the laughing stock of the ship!"

Dr. McCoy wrapped an arm around her and chuckled. " You won't. I promise ya. Now, won'tcha tell me what happened?" he said softly.

Kathy lowered her head, swallowed and took a few shaky breaths. And at last, she recalled the scene. " I accused Ensign Ted Ryan of not supporting Spock…because I thought he'd fathered the twins."

Behind the screen as they eavesdropped, Spock and Jim stared at one another in disbelief. And Spock was furious. He deduced that it must have been either McCoy or Chapel who had spilt the beans. He made a mental note for himself to scold the both of them later. Jim, on the other hand, had an almost opposite reaction. Her prince in shining armour, he felt the sudden urge to protect Kathy, and fight those who had humiliated her. He could feel his heart racing in his chest with both rage and guilt. He bit his lip to suppress the urge to run up and embrace her, eager to listen in some more. When Dr. McCoy heard the story, his first instinct was to burst out laughing. Which, sadly for his nurse, he did. He howled, hooted and screamed hysterically, grabbing his belly as he knocked his head back. Kathy gulped and lowered her gaze to the floor, ashamed and sheepish. She couldn't bear the sight of tears forming in the doctor's sapphire-blue eyes. McCoy continued to laugh for several minutes until he calmed down, having realised that the young girl's feelings were hurt.

" Jeez, I am so sorry about that," he apologised, smirking subconsciously. " But ya need to know that Ensign Ryan ain't really Spock's type. In fact, I actually think he hates the guy.

" Then who's the father of his babies?"

The doctor swallowed nervously, unsure of how to lead her off the trail. But soon, an idea came to him and he raised a sly eyebrow. " Well, if Spock wanted ya to know, he woulda told ya. It's none o' yer business, hon. It's our job to care for 'im, not nose into his private life. Got it?" he told her good-heartedly so she would not get the impression that she was in trouble.

She nodded subtly. " Got it, Doctor."

" Go and get a glass o' water – you're outta breath – and then, I want you to get straight back to work," he instructed her in a firm, strong voice. Kathy was reminded of all her former schoolteachers, but then, he smiled at her mischievously. " Don't make me fire yer ass!" he joked.

At that, Jim let out a huge, audible gasp. In his concern, he grabbed on to Spock's hands and gave them a tight squeeze. Spock observed him closely, his chocolate eyes squinted in the deepest intrigue of this display of human emotion. Jim glared at him, his eyes wild and panicked. Kathy was very self-conscious of her posterior and any comment about it, good-hearted or not, often caused her to go into a state of hysterics. Jim was prepared for more screaming and sobbing. But as he started to listen again, he was horrified to hear laughter; genuine, happy laughter.

" All right, Doctor," she said as she turned to leave.

" Yeah, see ya later."

Surprised at Kathy's change of heart, Jim pushed his way out of the screen as if the ship was on fire. He stumbled clumsily into view, shocking both Dr. McCoy and Kathy. Spock groaned in what might have been exasperation.

" Jim?!" Kathy riddled. " What, were you visiting Mr. Spock?"

" Uhh, yeah. Yes, I was. Um, Spock got a little sick and…"

" Right," she answered, nodding.

" I'm sorry, I should've told you."

" No, it's OK. I'm not your mother," she reassured him and grinned.

" Uhh, well, I think we've all gotten a little too excited," McCoy piped up, glancing over his shoulder at his patient. " Why don'tcha both come by later when Spock's feeling better?"

" Actually, Doctor," Spock bravely chimed from behind the screen, " I believe I am starting to feel well again."

McCoy pulled it back to reveal the Vulcan sitting upright in bed and the colour had returned to his cheeks. Only a few hours earlier his face was whiter than the snow on Rura Penthe.

" Oh, that is good," said Kathy in an overly enthusiastic voice. " Was it morning sickness?" she asked.

There was a brief pause before he answered bluntly, " Yes. I am not past that stage in pregnancy yet."

He wiggled uncomfortably as he began to remove his body from his bed. As he stood up, he reached over to retrieve his trousers and shirt from a clothes rack. He had been wearing a white undershirt and shorts the whole time and he had hated it, so he was more than eager to return his uniform to his body. As he dressed, Kathy couldn't help but stare. She furrowed her eyebrows in astonishment – as though she had been hypnotised. This was the first time she had seen Spock with the true knowledge of his bump. Over the course of the past month, the belly had gotten considerably larger and much rounder as the twins flourished inside. Whoever the father was, Kathy thought, he certainly was a lucky man. She felt a twinge of jealousy for him. She knew she wasn't ready yet, but she hoped she would become a mother someday. Conscious of the girl's stares, Spock took a step backwards, which brought her out of her trance.

" Well, I'd-I'd better go," she mumbled as she gestured to the door. She then turned her attention onto her boyfriend. " Still coming to dinner?"

" Yeah." He nodded. " See you then."

As Kathy finally exited the room, the trio exchanged relieved glances.

" Phew! For a second there, I thought I was gonna blow yer secret," muttered McCoy, shaking his head.

" You did OK," replied Jim.

Then the doctor heaved a melancholy and exhausted sigh. " I'm sick of all this. You guys are goin' to have to tell her at some point. What happened just now might be a one-off. Next time maybe you won't be as lucky," he warned them.

" No, we're not telling her!" the captain protested.

" It does appear to be the most logical choice," Spock mused out loud. He walked forward until he stood by Jim, who was now looking very distressed and worried. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

Frowning, McCoy looked at him. " I don't understand why you don't want to tell her," he said.

" I agree with Dr. McCoy. For once."

Jim steeled his jaw, determined to not let his secret slip. But he quickly lost that battle. " I'm building a new life with Kathy right now. It can't be jeopardised."

Spock was hurt by those words; genuinely wounded. It now felt like he was bleeding and slowly dying in agony. For the first time in a long while, he wanted to lash out at the world that had casted him out. " Oh, I am terribly sorry if your unborn children are preventing you from doing so. I'd hate to think they're the reason you're being so selfish!" he snapped.

" Me, selfish? What about you?! You were going to destroy them!"

" Only because I thought it was the right thing!"

Almost immediately, another voice broke in, and it sounded more enraged than Jim's and Spock's put together. " If you're gonna fight like that in _my _sickbay, take it outside! This is supposed to be a peaceful place, for God's sake!" Dr. McCoy bellowed as loud as he could, stunning the entire room to complete silence.

After the element of surprise had worn off, Spock muttered coldly, " No, I think I'm finished. If you need me, I will be on the bridge." He stormed out.

An icy cold pause followed as Jim glared furiously at the Southern chief medical officer. " Thanks for that, Bones," was his last word on the subject. He stormed out after Spock, believing that this was the last time he would ever speak to him.

Left confused and alone in his sickbay, McCoy frowned and rightly questioned, " What?!"

The next several hours rolled nicely along, and Kathy had completed a large amount of paperwork in the medical laboratory during that time. Dr. Simms, who had been supervising her, was immensely proud, despite being slightly dissatisfied with her punctuality earlier that afternoon. Kathy was pleased with herself as well, especially when paperwork wasn't her strong suit. She preferred to be with Dr. McCoy in sickbay, where the action was. But she knew she would be working there the next day, so being stuck in the lab was merely a way of distracting herself until she could finally do the things she liked best. She needed a good distraction anyway. She kept inadvertently focussing on what Ted Ryan had said, and she kept hearing the people's laughter echoing in her head. It didn't matter what McCoy had told her; no one was ever going to forget what she did. For the next two years, while the remainder of the five-year mission would come to an end, she was going to get teased, mocked and bullied about this. She was sure of it. While she was upset, she tried to not let it show, keeping an air of professionalism about herself. However, when Dr. Simms gave her permission to clock off for the evening, those comments came back to haunt her. As the young woman wandered the corridors back to her quarters, pondering over what to make for dinner for Jim, passers-by insisted on giving her strange looks. They sniggered and mocked her, too, as they walked past.

" Hey, Nurse!" called Lieutenant Bailey.

Kathy whirled around.

" Is it true you punched Ensign Ryan?"

She quickened her pace, only for Bailey to imitate the sound of a cow.

" Nurse Weller, are you _sure _Ted's the father of Spock's kids?" asked Ensign Townsend in a cruel, mocking, patronising tone.

Kathy simply ignored him, speeding right past him.

" Spock and Ryan? You do know that everybody knows they hate each other, right?"

" Nice work, Sherlock!"

" I thought nurses weren't supposed to judge their patients?"

These remarks that were thrown her way, the very song of her existence, made her heart grow weak with despair. Her hope for acceptance into Jim's world was nothing more than a crimson flower, slowly dying in the white winter snow. But this was before another horrible allegation was slung at her. Kathy hadn't seen this man around the ship before, but his sharp, cold grey eyes seemed so familiar that he could have been lifted from one of her dreams. A cruel smirk on his moistened lips, he began to speak in a low, gravelly tone that also seemed eerily familiar. It made Kathy freeze in her tracks; she was too terrified to even squeak. He stood tall and proud with his head held high. His slim, lean body casted a shadow over the poor little girl.

" You know who's really the father?" he riddled smugly. Kathy was trapped. He was blocking her way, moving in time with her so she could not break free from this chain. As the man started to speak again, Kathy's eyes widened with fear. " Your boyfriend Jim."

" No!" she gasped. The man finally released her, and she darted into the turbolift that was to bring her to her precious Jim.

As she ran away from his sight, that man smirked to himself. He was very pleased with his work. Very pleased _indeed_.

When Kathy arrived at the apartment, and she was thrown back into her world of comfort, she saw that Jim was already there. He was sitting on the sofa with his feet up. He had his eyes closed and he was humming a tuneless melody. Kathy felt sick when she saw him. She had no idea who that man was, and she didn't know if he was telling the truth. Even if he wasn't, he certainly made it sound convincing. Jim felt her presence in the room, and he opened his eyes to her standing over him with a saddened expression on her chubby face. He grinned and beckoned her to come closer. He outstretched his arms and, as she held on to them tightly, they shared a brief tender moment before Kathy mustered a false smile.

" There you go," Jim said with a little chuckle. He then began to natter on about his afternoon on the bridge. " I made sure that I got off early. Spock's currently taking care of things on the bridge. So, what's going on?" he added as if it was a mere afterthought.

Kathy heaved a deep, miserable sigh, trying to decide whether or not she should tell him. But in the end, she told him anyway. " It's nothing, really. You know, there are some real idiots on this starship. This one guy accused you of being the father of Spock's babies. But I know that's not true!" She forced a laugh in order to appear as though the comment didn't bother her.

For a split second, Jim gulped. " Yeah, that's ridiculous," he mumbled nervously. " Anyway, um," he began, changing the subject completely, hoping to dodge that bullet. " I'm starving! Do you wanna eat yet? I've got some things to tell you."

The second 'eat' passed Jim's lips, it was only convenient that Kathy started to feel her stomach rumble. Even in her distressed state, she had become very hungry. So hungry in fact that she couldn't think about anything else. The young nurse gave a subtle nod of the head and a small, awkward smile, not really bothered at all about the things that Jim wanted to discuss. Because he knew that Kathy had had a tough day, Jim made sure that she was looked after. He had the food replicator create the most delicious dish that no man or woman could resist. And as they ate it together off the same plate, Jim did not breathe a word about Spock or his unborn children. Jim only spoke of Kathy's fabled beauty and the flowers that couldn't compare to it. There was no need to speak of that Vulcan now. Jim had far more important things to keep his mind occupied. This was the night he was to propose marriage. He often wondered if it was such a good idea to abandon his own offspring while they were still growing in another's womb. But he was sure that he needed to move on, and so did Spock. It was only a matter of time Sarek would bring his son home to raise his twins single-handedly. It would be good for all four of them, as Jim eventually believed – or five, including Kathy.

" Why did that man say such things?" she wondered out loud.

Jim shrugged awkwardly, keeping his focus on his vegetables. He popped a sliced tomato into his mouth and chewed it vigorously. He felt the heaviness in his pocket, which contained the boxed ring he would soon give to her.

" Why would he want to hurt me?" the nurse continued with much sorrow in her timid whisper.

" He'll be punished. I'll see to it," he reassured her. " Anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's talk about us," he muttered softly. He leant forward with a smile.

" Sure," replied the girl, taking a sip of water from her glass.

" Well, where to start?"

" What is it, Jim?"

Jim gulped nervously, his throat swollen and dry. His hazel eyes darted from right to left and left to right. " I don't really know how to say it," he mumbled. He found himself breathless and panting. He was sure that he was about to pass out – the room was dancing!

Sensing the awkwardness in the room, Kathy was suddenly worried that Jim was about to break up with her. And if it was that, then she didn't know what she was going to do. " It's OK. Just tell me what it is."

Jim took the ring from his pocket and offered it to her. " Will you marry me, Kathy?" he asked.

Kathy's eyes lit up and she beamed, showing all her teeth as she snatched it off him. She opened the box and gasped at the beauty of the diamond. " Oh, of course, Jim! Of course I'll marry you!"

And here began a spiral…A spiral into tragedy…


	11. The Blood of an Unborn Life

He was supposed to have felt them move by now. As Spock lay in the dark, alone in his holy place, uninspired to move, he pressed his fingers hard against his skin. From the base of his chest down to his pelvis, he traced an invisible line. He had heard that the unborn child is more likely to move when the bump is touched – as 'their own little way of sayin' hello' as McCoy had put it. But still nothing. No kicks; no wriggles; no hiccups. Exhausted from his long dreary day, he yawned and he stretched out his spidery arms. He was too tired to worry about anything else. He gathered that his babies were simply not ready yet to make their movements known to their father. With difficulty, Spock settled down to sleep. He rested his black head on the pillow and wrapped himself up in the warmth and comfort of his duvet. He lay flat on his back as opposed to his usual side position. He was just weeks away from entering the halfway point of the pregnancy, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to rest in a position that he found most comfortable. Plus, he didn't like the thought of crushing his little ones. Spock didn't mind, though. He was aware that it was all part of becoming a parent. He quite enjoyed it at times, parading his belly around the ship and people stopping to say how healthy he looked.

" Goodnight, young Vulcans," he whispered softly to them. " One day closer to meeting you," he added with only a hint of sincerity in his voice.

Although his mouth didn't comply, he wore the proudest grin on the inside. He then let his eyelids droop and he was asleep in no time at all. He quickly found himself trapped in this state until morning without any knowledge of the things that were destined to happen to his two little babies.

Spock awoke earlier than usual, prematurely broken from his dreams by a painful cramp in his abdomen. He felt a spasm in his uterus, which forced him to pull his knees up. He would do anything for this pain to end. He squirmed and grunted and moaned in agony. But then, it inexplicably passed. Carefully and slowly, he sat up. He froze, not in fear but in intrigue. After several minutes of bated breath, the pain hadn't returned. He simply shrugged it off as something trivial and harmless. He plodded off to the bathroom to begin his morning routine as he did every morning. When he expelled his waste, he discovered that he was starting to feel a little better. He had suffered a bad case of constipation, he thought naturally, which had caused the cramp. He made a mental note to visit Dr. McCoy later for some medicine to prevent this affliction. But that would have to wait. A distress signal had been detected. It originated from a deserted planet in the vicinity of the planet of Andoria, which was on its way to extinction. The Enterprise and her infamous crew were going to investigate it. It concerned two people who had been left behind by the planet's residents when they were evacuated a few days earlier. There was not much information on these lost people, but it involved a sick elderly person who needed urgent medical attention. Spock didn't see it as much. In fact, everyone on the ship didn't make anything of it. It was just another assignment for them. So Spock thought it would be fine to join the away team; because it was such a simple task, not knowing of the things that were about to come. In only three hours or so, he would discover how much danger he and his children were truly in.

" All right there, Spock?" asked McCoy.

" Yes, thank you," he replied. He curiously gazed around the dead wasteland, holding up his tricorder.

" We've got approximately five hours, seventeen minutes and three seconds until this asteroid hits," Jim reminded them. " O'Donnell, Gallagher, spread out," he instructed the two red-shirted ensigns who were standing by their captain. They both nodded silently and immediately ran off together as partners. " Spock, McCoy, follow me!" Jim cried.

" How long have these guys been missing?" McCoy asked, holding up his own tricorder.

" Four days; give or take," the captain answered. " Any sign of life yet?"

" Negative," said Spock. He adjusted a dial on his tricorder.

The trio walked together, keeping their eyes peeled for any sign of life. Jim and Dr. McCoy had a quicker pace, while Spock waddled along behind. The cramp he had experienced earlier that morning was coming back to linger in his abdomen. He stopped for a minute to get his breath back. He patted his round bump and nearly doubled over in discomfort. But then, he felt the urge to use the toilet. He puffed out his cheeks, relieved that it was merely so.

McCoy looked back and asked, " Spock…You OK?" He furrowed his brow worriedly.

Spock responded with a silent nod of the head.

Jim turned as he walked. He gave a cheeky smile once he saw the way Spock had positioned his legs. He shot his friend a knowing wink. " Oh, no, he's all right. He's just in need of a lavatory," he said mischievously. Spock heaved a deep sigh in embarrassment. " Want a pit stop, Spock?"

The Vulcan was near to the point of blushing like a beetroot, but he didn't utter a thing. While McCoy and Jim waited, they still kept searching around for those poor people who had been left behind. Spock found the perfect place in the bushes and he took a few minutes to evacuate his urine. His mind wandered as he thought about his choice of names for the second of the twins. He had no idea that he was about to receive the fright of his life. A young woman in her late twenties with long neon blue hair and shiny silvery skin leapt out behind him. While the tears streamed down her cheeks, she was screaming hysterically at the top of her lungs. Spock gave in to his instincts and shoved her out of the way. He crouched down the best he could while he struggled to pull up his trousers. Hearing the commotion, the others rushed in to help. Jim held the woman tightly and pinned her arms down, so she could not hit back. McCoy indulged in his caring side and helped Spock to steady himself on his feet.

" Ssh! It's all right now. It's OK," the captain said to the girl in a soothing tone with a smile.

It took some time, but the alien girl soon calmed down, though not completely.

" Now, won't you tell me what happened?" Jim continued.

" My grandmother is lost! I cannot find her anywhere! Please, she's sick," she cried through her sobs. Her words were unclear in her distressed state, but her saviours understood them.

" OK. It's OK; we'll find her."

The woman looked sceptical for a moment through her tears, but as she gazed at the captain's strange smile, she started to believe him. He seemed to be the sort of man who was confident enough to save her grandmother. In those boyish human eyes of his, she could tell that he had done many great things in the past. It was his destiny to do countless more in the future, she had decided, even though she couldn't be sure. Her features softened and then, she gave him a smile of appreciation through her tear-stained face.

" You promise you will?" she riddled.

Jim grinned. " Of course. It's what we're trained to do. Returning lost grandmothers to their concerned granddaughters." The woman opened her mouth to speak, but the Starfleet captain stopped her. " But let's find out about you first. What's your name?" he asked her kindly.

" Xyna-Myea," she replied. " But you can just call me Xyna; everyone does."

In response to this timid little voice, Jim's flirtatious nature clicked into action. A curl on those lips, a shine in those eyes, he immediately slapped her in the face with a compliment. " What an…exotic name," he whispered. " I'm Jim. This is Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock," he said, introducing himself and the other men to her in a relaxed, casual tone of voice.

In the background, Dr. McCoy rolled his eyes. Even with an upcoming wedding _and _two children on the way, James Kirk couldn't resist a pretty face – not that Xyna-Myea was _extremely_ beautiful. He and Spock continued to spectate in the bushes, keeping a close eye on them. Jim gave the woman a supportive squeeze of the shoulder. As he touched her skin, however, he was shocked to discover that it had peeled off in his hand. Her skin was made of scales – like a lizard's scales! He frowned in the surprise, but Xyna-Myea simply returned it with a confused expression. This skin was the only skin she knew, and she couldn't understand exactly why a human would react this way. But before Jim could comment on it, he got a call from one of the red-shirts via his communicator. He plucked it from his belt and flipped it open with expertise.

" Kirk here."

" _Captain!" _came Gallagher's excited shout. _" We've found someone!"_

" Female? Elderly?" Jim guessed.

Xyna listened intently, picking at her fingernails in worry.

" _Yes! She's in a bad way, sir. She's unconscious right now. I will attempt to wake her."_

When the native woman heard that, her jaw dropped and her reptilian eyes widened in fear. " No!" she whispered, shaking her head. " No, he mustn't!"

Jim looked at her for a second as if she was crazy, but complied. " Do not touch her, Ensign. I repeat, do not touch her."

" _Why?"_ Gallagher asked uncertainly.

" Do as I say, Ensign! We'll be right there! Kirk out."

Intrigued glances were exchanged between the doctor and the science officer as they went to join Kirk and Xyna. Together as a team, the four lonely figures began their heroic trek through the sand. Knowing these lands well, Xyna led the way for her saviours while she gave the entire history of her people and her planet. The only one who seemed remotely interested was Captain Kirk. And if he was genuinely intrigued, that was no mystery either. From behind, Spock and Dr. McCoy both could see that he was frowning and nodding his head. And McCoy expressed his disgust by the only way he knew. He stuck his tongue out and pretended to jab a finger down his throat. Even though this action was supposed to be taken lightly, he really was offended by Jim's behaviour. He even had an agreement with Kathy about it. McCoy would make mental notes on the women her fiancé flirted with and he would report back to her. Then, when she got her hands on Jim, she would make him pay. Spock, on the other hand, was completely unaware of the couple's intentions to marry. So, in his own unique way, he still secretly believed that there was a chance for him and Jim. Even when he was with Kathy, and flirting harmlessly with that alien girl, he wanted Jim to himself and his children. He just had to wait until the right moment came. The quartet, excluding the two extras on-board Spock's womb, continued to meander through the desert with Xyna chattering in the lead; quickly followed by Jim, then McCoy and lastly, Spock. Xyna was now telling them of her grandmother's condition, which greatly intrigued the doctor who had never heard of this sickness before now. Perhaps this was the time to find the proper treatment for it, and maybe even a cure. The elderly woman suffered from a rare mental illness that only affected women of her age. Violent thoughts plagued her mind, and she would become this murderous, bloodthirsty creature, never stopping to seek out men to kill. And because of the planet's custom, most of the men in her life had already been sacrificed. Her husband; her sons; her son-in-law; her grandson. All of them; dead as doornails. If Gallagher or O'Donnell awoke her while she was in this state, then their families would lose their loved one for good.

" She needs to be caged at all times and must be given sedatives on a regular basis," her granddaughter explained. " It's why we were left behind. She got out and as her sole caregiver; I went to find her to bring her back so we could leave with the others. But I never _did_ find her."

Kirk nodded silently in understanding. This time, it was McCoy who struck up the conversation.

" You know it's wrong to drug someone against their will?" he asked her. He hoped his tone of voice would not give away the fact that he was secretly judging her.

Xyna stopped in her tracks and turned to him. With a very decided expression on her face, she spoke in a soft, low tone. " It was either that or kill her. On our planet, we kill those who are considered weak and useless. That's why there are fewer males than females here. Because once they leave their seed; they are no longer needed, so we kill and eat them."

Spock blinked in disbelief and placed a hand on his belly. He felt a twinge there, knowing that his babies had been made to feel nervous, too, like their fathers.

" I'm guessing sending male officers to find her wasn't a good idea," said the captain with a smile of uncertainty.

" She'll be all right as long as we don't wake her."

A piercing, blood-curdling scream replied to her. All of them jolted. Their eyes all clicked to the same direction. And that was when they knew the ensigns did not comply with their captain's orders. Xyna gasped and ran on ahead, thrown into a frenzied panic.

" Noya-Tal! Noya!"

Another scream was heard. Xyna's pace quickened.

" _Grandmother!_"

Jim, Spock and McCoy followed. Their hands shadowed the phasers in their belts, their fingers flexing as they prepared themselves for a battle.

" Noya-Tal!" Xyna called out her grandmother's name once again.

The girl's clawed feet left unique-looking footprints in the sand, the determination to get to her grandmother surging through her like an unstoppable forest fire. As her pace quickened even more, it became harder for the others to follow, especially for Spock. Although he had adopted a gentle trot rather than an actual run, the exercise still made him feel slightly light-headed and nauseous as the babies silently expressed their discomfort. Xyna was alone now. She never bothered to look back as she continued to run in the direction of the panicked screams. She herself kept a calm demeanour, knowing exactly what had happened to her grandmother and the two red-shirts. And then, in the middle of a circle of trees, the young woman caught a glimpse of the gruesome murder scene. Their throats ripped to shreds in their one-sided fight, the two dead bodies lay in the sand beneath the blazing hot sun. If it were not for the blood which surrounded them, it would appear as though they were merely sunbathing, indulging themselves in their selfish needs. Like they had taken a holiday. Xyna slowed to a complete stop when she saw this. With her hawk-eye vision, she took in every detail of the two lost souls. She grimaced sadly. She didn't know these boys, but she prayed for their loved ones. Suddenly aware of her solitude, the alien woman then took a lingering nervous peek over her shoulder and saw that her companions hadn't caught up yet. Spock had doubled over and was now being cared for by Dr. McCoy. He had encouraged Jim to keep going, insisting that he was all right. So the captain wasn't that far off when brave Xyna-Myea went to retrieve the bloodthirsty elder. The young woman pulled up the hood of her cloak and, with her entire body trembling in fear, she began to search the area on her own.

" Noya-Tal? Where are you, Grandmother?" she called out in a soft, welcoming tone. She uttered these words in her native tongue, so comfort would come to the old lady.

The dying world itself seemed to answer to her call. The warm breeze blew in the trees, making their branches ripple slightly as if they were people waltzing in a vast, grand hall. As the girl searched around, she found no sign of Noya-Tal, but kept her ears and eyes focused on the task ahead. She was worried, there was no denying that, even though this illness would cease in her presence. She was a mere female, after all. She just didn't know how she would handle the situation once the men arrived.

" Please, Noya. No more games now. You've had your kill. So let me find you," she said in her own language. She raised her voice in order to be heard in the dead wastelands, and then, someone finally answered. And it wasn't who she was expecting.

" Xyna-Myea!" cried Jim.

" Blood and skulls! Blood and skulls!" the elderly murderer sang with delight.

The two voices harmonised together in the sticky, humid air. The attractive, silky tone of the man and the old grandmother's shrill, sing-songy screech complemented each other like apple pie and cream. Xyna-Myea let out a shriek of terror. The battle commenced. With elaborate footwork, the captain moved swiftly across the arena, desperate to get away from the man killer. The opponent was as ancient as the stars, but she was quick and intelligent as a snake. Like a starved lioness advancing on her prey, she crept gingerly closer to him. Only a soft growl or two escaped her mouth. Jim watched worriedly as Xyna quietly climbed a nearby tree. For a split second, Jim's gaze slid upwards and he got an idea. Noya-Tal purred in satisfaction, thinking that she would get her next meal, her shoulders bobbing up and down as she clawed the dirt underneath her paws. She then roared, lunging forward, her claws aimed for Jim's throat. But he was too quick. Just at the right moment, he leapt up, catching the nearest branch of the tree that he was standing by. Noya roared again and snarled in frustration.

" Foolish dinner!" Her jaws snapped with rage.

In the manner of a four-legged creature, she tried her best to jump up and catch him, but she couldn't quite reach. Holding on with all his might, Jim looked down to his dangling legs and saw that monster on the ground. As though he could hardly believe his eyes, he let out a breathless chuckle of relief. He glanced over at the little bird that was spectating in the highest branch of her tree. She, too, appeared to be laughing along with him, not at all bothered that she was rooting for the male to win. Noya-Tal quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed with the younger people's behaviour. To Xyna, she was a merely a shadow of former self in this brief moment of humanity. But that quickly changed as she let another ferocious roar of anger. She stretched her body and reached her arms out into the air. She then pushed herself off the ground with the strength of her hind legs. She reached higher and higher until she latched on to one of his boots. Briskly, she grabbed the other foot and dug her claws in hard, almost tearing through the leather. Xyna-Myea gasped, terrified of another killing. She observed Jim's muscle-bound body and immediately knew that he was struggling to hold on. His arms were stiffening as he clung on for dear life. The sweat oozing from his forehead, he started to swing, his focus on her. With the creature at the bottom, the movement rippled through his body down to his legs. He grunted and moaned as Noya's sharp claws dug in to the leather of his boots. She was getting close to ripping into his skin. She continued to roar and growl in her attempt to kill him. But then in the end, Jim's strength failed him. His grip loosened. As he fell, all time seemed to freeze, but his mind was left racing. He pined for all the people he'd loved throughout his life, and for just a moment, he believed that life would soon be over. Until he landed with a painful thud. He wasted no time in recovering. He leapt to his feet and ran away from his opponent. Noya-Tal had suffered more greatly in the fall and was now laying in the sand unconscious. Jim had just seconds to get away and formulate a battle plan. From her perch, Xyna-Myea let out another horrified gasp.

" Jim!" she called. " She's waking up!"

In order to help, Xyna tossed a stick at the monster that held her grandmother captive. It struck her in the back of the head. Noya-Tal whirled around, her teeth bared. Her teeth were that of the Devil's. Dripping with blood and rotted to the core, the bone was razor-sharp, snapping hungrily in its hunt for the person who had dared to do this. She looked up, directly into her eyes. In her evil, murderous eyes, she saw no granddaughter whom she loved and once cared for. Instead, she saw a meddlesome, worthless piece of meat which was too foul to even lick. She snarled dismissively and turned back to her original target. Xyna gulped in fear. Noya-Tal was catching up to Jim. The man's heart pounded fast in his chest. He searched around wildly and found no means of escape. As the predator leapt forward for his throat, his only protection was his own arms. He gripped hard on to the old lady's wrists, pushing her backwards as he did so. But she was so strong. Grunting in effort, she used his strength against him and gave him a mighty shove. Jim was immediately thrown back into the sand, bruising his spine in the process. Xyna shrieked his name out in terror. Jim grabbed a handful of sand and chucked it into Noya's eyes, disabling her for a few moments. As she moaned in agony, Jim used this opportunity to finally win. He pounced on her, and the two bodies landed in the sand, where they made their final struggle.

" I need your blood and flesh!" Noya-Tal snarled through clenched teeth.

" Well, you're not getting any!" Jim responded determinedly, grunting slightly in his effort to keep her away from his throat.

With a single hand, he pressed down on the base of woman's neck. Near to the point of choking, Noya-Tal could feel her strength ebbing away. She was now solely living on her need to kill. And with another shove, she freed herself of the man who had choked her. But as she prepared to prey on him once more, the old lady received what might have been the shock of her life. McCoy rushed on to the scene, and Spock was not far behind. Noya-Tal gasped in utter disbelief. More male flesh! Had she died and gone to Heaven? The creature bared her rotted teeth at them, letting out a predatory hiss. Just seconds after she made her pounce at them, McCoy used his phaser on her. It shocked her, and sent her flying across the arena and at the base of Xyna's tree. It didn't kill her nor did it stun her. It merely hindered her, which gave Xyna enough time to drug her.

" Is anyone hurt?" asked the doctor.

" No," Jim panted. " No, I'm fine," he insisted as he dusted off his clothes. He winced slightly at the pain of his bruised spine.

Dr. McCoy turned his attention on to the alien women, while Spock went to give Jim a soothing massage to prevent further discomfort.

" Is she OK?" the doctor went on as he knelt down by the now-harmless creature.

Xyna-Myea nodded her head. " She should be all right now, Doctor. Thank you."

Just then, Noya-Tal opened her eyes. Her eyes were much different from before. She no longer possessed that crazed, murderous glint, and instead, seemed to emanate a disorientated kindness from behind those two emeralds. She gave a weak sniff as if she had caught a strange scent. Her eyebrows furrowed in utter confusion. Noticing the behaviour, Xyna-Myea held on to her grandmother's hand and squeezed it.

" Grandmother, what is it?" she whispered in a soft tone so not to frighten her in her drugged state of mind.

" There's a strange presence here," she weakly realised. " There are no other females on the planet, and yet I can smell the blood of an unborn life," she croaked and wheezed, not fully understanding why she felt so strange.

Xyna's eyes widened, bewildered that her grandmother could smell such a thing at this hour. She had not yet taken a life, so it was impossible that Noya would have smelt it on _her._ Her gaze slid up to the Vulcan, who approached her slowly, his growing belly visible underneath his uniform. With difficulty, he knelt down on his knees beside McCoy, who was examining the poor old lady. Their eyes met, and they remained silent for a brief moment until Noya-Tal finally began to digest the truth.

" You have a heartbeat inside you…that is not yours," she whispered.

" That is correct."

" A life. A different person entirely. A child…" She frowned again. " I don't understand. I must know your secret!"

Her strength had returned, and she went for him, giving everyone a fright. She roared and scratched at the Vulcan's clothing furiously, which just barely caught the skin. He briskly moved away to stand back by the twins' father, knowing that he would be his protection. They exchanged concerned looks. They were both unsure on whether the sedatives were truly effective or not. McCoy held her back and attempted to calm her down while Xyna-Myea readied another sedative to give her grandmother.

" OK! That's enough excitement for one day!" muttered McCoy. He turned to the others, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. " Let's get back to the ship. Maybe I can find a cure for this woman's madness."


	12. One Life

**Sorry, guys! The Child of Two Worlds is on hiatus from now on until after the winter holidays. I'm having a bit of a dry spell, and I have a lot of work to do for uni. Don't worry, though! Chapter 13 will probably be posted in late January or mid February.**

No one seemed to care that Spock had vanished that afternoon. It occurred shortly after the three remaining officers returned to the Enterprise with the alien women. This was when Spock began to realise that the cramps he had experienced earlier had returned also. Every time he felt a stab of pain, it seemed as though it had come to torment Spock, bringing an hour of darkness with it. He was now very frightened for his babies, even when he didn't let it show. So, before further damaged could be done, he decided it was time to finally talk to Dr. McCoy about it. But, as the aliens were rushed to sickbay to be checked over, it was clear that Spock was not going to receive the attention he desired from the Southern doctor and his staff. Instead, he merely excused himself from duty to spend the rest of the day in his quarters. He planned to sleep, which he did do for an hour or two; it was just those parental worries that kept arousing him from the black world of the Vulcan's farthest dreams. It soon came to the point where it could be ignored no longer. It was beginning to feel like this nagging pain, a voice in his head, repeating a sorrowful song in its concern for the unborn Vulcans. So Spock had no choice but to interrupt the doctor's work. As he wandered to sickbay, where McCoy was figuring out a way to put an end to Noya-Tal's illness, his mind was racing with all the terrible possibilities of what could be happening to his children. Of course he had hopes for them – what parent didn't? – but with each pang, the expectant father prepared himself for the worst thing he could ever experience. He reached his destination, at long last. Just as he was about to enter the room, he was struck down by yet another cramp. This one was the worst one yet. A thousand knives were prodding him from the inside, making him bleed; the fluid leaking out of him like the juice from an orange. He moaned inwardly, drawn to the floor as he doubled over. His hands trembled as he caressed his belly, saying his last goodbye. But, as if by fate, Kathy emerged with Xyna-Myea by her side. They were gossiping and giggling together as they walked down the opposite corridor to where Spock was laying. And neither of them spotted him.

" You have strange customs here," Xyna pointed out, light-heartedly. " But I am very happy for you."

Spock heard Kathy chuckle lightly. " Thanks," she murmured. " I'm so nervous! I can't believe that I'm gonna be Mrs. Kirk someday!"

Mrs. Kirk. _Mrs. Kathryn Kirk._

The words were fire to Spock's ears, and that fire began to grow as his anger did the same. Jim was _his _t'hy'la. He would _always _be his t'hy'la. The fact that Jim was abandoning his own children, too, was a thought which was unbearable. His strength eventually returned to him, but he was too angry to think straight. His intentions to see Dr. McCoy were long gone. In his rage, he marched down the corridor, heading towards the captain's quarters. He knew Jim would be there, and he knew that he was out to murder him, regardless of how much he loved him. How marvellous it would be to wring that human's neck. Thrash him up until he was nothing more than a bloody heap of flesh on the floor. All of that red liquid spilling from his veins. It was going to be the perfect revenge for the womb-dwellers.

His teeth and fists clenched, Spock burst in to Jim's sanctuary with an aim to bring the storm that would destroy everything in its path. Jim was sitting behind his desk, busy tapping the keys on his computer console. When he heard the sound of the door sliding open, he looked up almost immediately. He furrowed his brow in curiosity after he had seen that it was Spock. The last time he saw Spock was when he left to retire for the day. He hadn't expected to see him again until the next day or dinnertime, at least. The human captain guessed that Spock had become bored and was in search of something to do. Jim stood up to greet his friend, thinking how typical this behaviour was, and he hoped for a second that things were beginning to get back to normal. A friendly, cocky grin spread across his face. Spock didn't move a muscle. He was waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Those cold, mud-coloured eyes followed the captain's every move. He didn't speak as he did so; he merely listened.

" Well, Spock. What brings you here? You know-"

Spock could take no more. He had to say it. " You are engaged to be married."

That confident smile faded instantly from Jim's mouth. It was quickly replaced with a furious scowl. " No one's supposed to know that yet," he snapped. " Who told you? Bones? Kathy?"

" It does not matter how I found out. You would rather give up your own flesh and blood than become the parent they need. They may be with me at this current time, but they will grow up away from me and they will wonder what terrible thing they must have done to make you abandon them. It's a thing of shame. I should have terminated them when I had the chance."

The human heaved a deep, weary sigh. Although he was disappointed that someone had given his secret away, Jim understood Spock's pain. He had caused it after all. He lowered his gaze would be level with the bulge in the Vulcan's abdomen. He could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat quicken in his chest. It was incredibly surreal to know that there were two brand new people in that thing, constantly growing and learning. But it was more surreal knowing that he was partly responsible for them being there. As their father, he felt guilty for leaving them behind. Of course he did. What he was doing was wrong, but in his heart, he knew that they'd be better off living alone with Spock on Vulcan. At least then they would be close to Amanda and Sarek. Jim gulped heavily and then, he spoke directly to them.

" I'm sorry." He then looked up to Spock's pale green face. He didn't seem to notice that he was greener than usual. " They don't deserve to know me," he confessed quietly with not a trace of regret or embarrassment in his voice. He meant every word and he wasn't afraid to show it.

Spock did nothing but give a silent nod in understanding. He didn't really feel like saying anything. He was just too weak. Suddenly overcome with the pain of his cramps, his head was lost in another galaxy, millions of miles away from this sacred place. Control over his body was snatched away from him as he stood there in the place of his livelihood. He had lost ability to see, hear, speak and smell. He was completely numb from the stomach down. He forgot all about his babies and the danger that was racing toward them. Jim observed him closely, suddenly aware of his blank expression. He could see that Spock had broken out in a cold sweat; the liquid was raining down his cheeks, and down his nose and forehead, as he twitched and shook violently.

" Spock? Spock, what's wrong?"

Again, Spock didn't respond. Instead, Jim witnessed his t'hy'la's greatest fear become a bitter reality. Those alien eyes, once filled with so much beauty, rolled back into Spock's head. And he no longer had the strength or will to stand. The next couple of seconds flew by as Jim rushed to catch him in mid-fall. The extra weight was too much. The two bodies were drawn to the floor. The adrenaline plunged Jim into a sea of panic, and he knew without a single doubt that he was drowning in it. Spock was still jerking and shivering as the pain took its toll; his head was filled with it. He could not stop. With each aggressive convulsion, Jim fell more and more nauseous. There was a chance that Spock and his babies might perish this day, and Jim did not know how to help. For the first time in a long while, he felt he had lost control. The desperate captain held Spock's body tightly, wrapping his arms around his quaking shoulders to shelter him from this unstoppable, crippling pain. In the strongest voice he could muster, Jim began his panicked attempt to scream for help.

" Spock! Spock, stay with me! Help! Please! Help! _Somebody help me!_"

Four red-shirted security officers carried Spock's unconscious body into sickbay to be operated on as if he were a holy vessel. Like he was blessed with two precious birdsongs that only he could comprehend. As if the nightingale was his brother. But now, in this dark, cold moment of dread, Spock was trapped, never to soar again. There was nothing Jim could do for him now. He ran with a different pack, it seemed, unable to understand this kind of hurt. So the captain was left outside in the cold to wander in this stupor. With all kinds of thoughts racing through his mind, Jim cast those heartbroken eyes downward. It was only until then he spotted the kiss Spock had given him. That emerald kiss. To the naked eye, it was nothing more than blood, expelled from the body in its struggle to fight. But Jim saw more than that. It was thin and watery and dead. The man heaved a sigh. There was no hope for him now. There was not a prayer he could mutter for his infant children. Not even a secret wish. This was a no-win scenario this time.

His beating heart was his only friend as he waited outside sickbay. After a while, the rhythmic throbs mimicked the ticking of a clock, making every second seem as ancient as a thousand years. But at the same time, Jim felt it wasn't that long ago he and Spock first met. A cocky first-time captain, Jim had been assigned to the Enterprise. Spock was the sought-after science officer, reluctant to work under an inexperienced child. But he'd been wrong. Because in the child, he found the man. The beautiful man he was sure to spend the rest of his life with. Since then, these two uncertain men had become each other's friend; brother; lover; t'hy'la. They had fought side by side in order to restore the peace in the universe. They had laughed, and cried, and danced the fine line of morality. They were about to become parents until this tragedy occurred. So much had happened in so little time. Jim couldn't fully understand why. Was it merely time moving on and on? Was it them; creating every pain and happiness themselves? Was there something else at work? God, perhaps? Was a creature like Him constantly testing them? A godless man, James Tiberius Kirk wondered if it really was possible. It would have explained so many things. The reason Kathy was in his life, the reason Spock could get pregnant. The babies' deaths. But, just as he was broken from these thoughts, the answers soon came.

Dr. McCoy stood there in his filthy, sweaty uniform, his blue eyes sullen and melancholy. Jim swallowed hard, too reluctant and frightened to ask. His concern soon cast a spell on him and he had no choice.

" Spock and the babies?"

McCoy heaved a sigh of misery, disappointed in destiny's outcome _and_ himself. He, too, was reluctant to answer at first. " Sorry, Jim," he muttered finally. " We lost one. I did everythin' in my power, but…he was dead before I could help the little guy. I've removed the foetus, Spock's held him, but I don't think you should see him. It's not a pretty sight."

" He was a boy?" asked the captain, his eyes lighting up for a second.

McCoy gave a sad smile. " Yeah. Two non-identical boys. Didn't Spock tell you?"

" No." Jim slowly shook his head in a distracted fashion, his hazel eyes wide and his jaw dropping slightly in the shock. He had hoped, but never in a million years had he thought that these children were sons. He felt saddened by the fact that he had just lost one, but was grateful that he still had the remaining two. Wherever his eldest may be. Snapped back from his daydream, Jim looked up again and asked the doctor, " Can I see Spock?"

McCoy seemed to dislike the idea for a while, but he eventually caved in. " Sure, but just to warn you; Spock is just comin' 'round and…" He trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe Spock's sadness. " He's just not right. He's depressed. He's sick." He knew he was wrong in saying that because Spock was much worse than that.

Jim nodded. The friends hugged, as warmly and as tightly as their heartbeats, and when they parted, Jim had tears in his eyes. McCoy had been forgiven at last. The doctor then walked away. Jim didn't know where he was going nor did he care. Spock was the one who needed him now. The starship captain was hesitant at first, but it was only until a voice came to him to urge him inside. Jim was to be the strong one now.

As he stepped inside, taking every step slowly, the entire room was empty. Nurse Chapel and Dr. Simms, who had both helped in the operation, weren't even there. There was nothing here, except a cry. It was a lonesome, mournful, bodiless cry full of heartbreak and regret. Jim ventured further into this dark, deserted place and he quickly discovered that it was Spock who had been making this miserable sound. He lay on the right side of his body in a bed facing away from the door, where he would rest for the night. It was clear to Jim that his left side was still sore from the surgery. The duvet had been removed, but the pillow remained, becoming soaked in the Vulcan's tears. Jim had never seen such an awful sight. His own tears started to fall, only because a man of logic had been reduced to this. It made him shudder, too. He began to step closer to Spock, to make himself known to him. But he didn't respond. Whether Spock knew or not was a mystery. So there was one thing that Jim could do. As he approached the bed, he pulled Spock's body, turning him over onto his back. And Jim received a shock. His eyes, cheeks, chin and nose were wet from those unholy tears. Jim let out a gasp and began to stroke Spock's ebony hair, brushing it back away from his face, to bring him some comfort.

" Oh, Spock," he whispered softly. " I'm so sorry. I am sorry."

In response to Jim's needless apologies, Spock shook his head in protest. He then sighed heavily, his breath shuddering in his misery. " You know…Jim. I've acted shamefully."

" How so?" Jim frowned at him to listen, his hand clasped tightly around Spock's.

Even when he was given true love's kiss, Spock wasn't sure if he really wanted to confess his sins to the human hovering above the bed. But with those large, round sorrowful hazel eyes, which had long since been tamed, staring down at him, it was hard to resist. Spock would always be honest with Jim, no matter what the situation was. The Vulcan prepared himself to speak. " I've put my emotions before logic," he whispered weakly. His voice was low and crackly from both the anaesthetic and his emotional outburst. " I've behaved like a…"

A lump forming in his throat, Jim gave a small, understanding smile as tears welled up in those eyes. " A human. Oh, my Spock, you mustn't be ashamed of that," he whispered back. " It's a natural thing for humans, and your human half just got the better of you," he guessed. " You'll be all right," was his promise.

Spock shook his head slowly. " You say these things to comfort and yet I do not deserve to be consoled. My sons…I took my own sons for granted. I thought they would be with me always; both of them content and healthy throughout their lives. I had hoped that they would grow together as all brothers should, and with the knowledge of all things important. Education; respect; love…Family…"

At this, Jim swallowed heavily with guilt, but said nothing. He knew he had been more than a neglectful father, and the Vulcan didn't need reminding. Spock continued to unload his heartbreak.

" I assumed that they would be always be out of danger. Always. But…Thomas…My baby! My Thomas!" Spock sharply turned his head away in shame. Tears were bursting to leak out of his Vulcan eyes.

Jim's eyes widened and lit up, his interest piqued by the mention of the name. " Thomas? He's the one who died? I didn't…I didn't know that they both had names."

" I am yet to name his brother," the bereaved parent admitted with not a trace of shame in his voice. " I believe it is fair that you name him. Thomas means 'twin' in the Aramaic language. I had always been rather fond of that name, and I thought it was appropriate in this case."

Jim repeated the name in his head and gave a single nod in agreement. He smiled in spite of the recent loss. " It is, Spock. It's a beautiful name."

" He is a beautiful child," Spock sadly confessed. The memory of their meeting flashed across his mind. He would never forget how dead yet angelic Thomas appeared to be in the safety of the palm of his hand. " So small; so frail. I held him, you know."

Jim gave a subtle nod of the head, and he wore a wistful smile on his lips. His eyes seemed to harbour a yearning sparkle for a moment as he opened his mouth to speak. He made sure that his voice was low and soft before making a sound. " Yeah. I know. Bones said something about that," he hissed soothingly. He paused to watch Spock for a second, and then he muttered, " Tell me about him, Spock. Talk to me about Thomas."

He truly was eager to hear stories of his son. Spock was lucky to have known him for at least a few months of his short life. By Spock's hesitant eyes, it was obvious that the Vulcan was reluctant to comply at first. But then he felt something. One son was dead, but the other lived. He realised that he would one day have to confess everything to that little survivor. And Jim deserved to be told, too. So he left his doubts behind, whether he was ready or not.

" He's…He's strange but he's beautiful. He is not quite a human; not quite a Vulcan. Trapped between two worlds. He's not much of anything, but…He's my son. He's _our son_. And I love him for it."

" What does he look like?"

" I…cannot find the words. Thomas is…Thomas is everything I wished for in a child. Your chin and my ears. Ohh, _those ears…_"

" He had those pointed tips?"

" Just barely. They haven't quite developed yet. They're just lumps of transparent skin. I have never seen ears so small. He is nothing more than a doll; a child's plaything. But he is so much more exquisite than that because he belongs to me. He is mine, Jim. Now I cannot have him. He shall never take a breath, and it is my fault. My womb was meant to protect him and his brother; to shelter them while they grew…But it poisoned and killed him! If my womb kills those who inhabit it, then I am not fit to be a carrier."

A new batch of tears formed in his eyes. His shoulders shook as he broke down. The vigorous, sudden movements sent sharp, unpleasant pains down to his abdomen, where the incision was still fresh after the surgery, and was beginning to heal and scab over. The captain swallowed hard. His throat was sore and dry in his heartbreak for his sons' home.

" No, Spock. No," mumbled the human. It killed him inside to hear Spock talk of such things. " You can't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, t'hy'la. Yes, you're right. Our son couldn't keep on living, but he did the logical thing just so his brother could stay with you. Now, isn't that what you wanted for your children? To follow the Vulcans' rules?"

Spock raised his eyebrows as he considered the possibility. In his unusual state of depression, he hadn't thought much about it and he was surprised that Jim was the one who brought it to his attention. But he didn't want to believe it. An unborn child choosing death over life? " Logic? My son did a logical thing?"

" Yeah," whispered Jim. He smiled warmly and wistfully. He caressed Spock's cheek tenderly, wiping those tears away with a gentle brush of the thumb in the process.

The Vulcan was now so close to insanity that he was completely blind to Jim's sweet actions. He didn't even flinch when he was touched. In amidst the chaos of his mind, he asked Jim a devastating riddle. Their eyes unwavering, the men stared at one another, their spiritual connection unbroken, as Spock raised his uncertain voice. " What good is logic if it takes my son away from me?"

Jim gasped inaudibly, his jaw nearly hitting the floor in his shock. Had Spock just denounced his faith in logic right before his very eyes? Jim gulped, growing pale. " You honestly don't mean that!" he cried. " We still have the other twin. We didn't lose him. Please, focus on that. He's still here. He's still safe."

Careful not to touch the sensitive part of the pregnancy bump, Jim placed his hand on it, anxious to know the little boy beneath his fingers.

Although Jim's affections were genuine, Spock felt stone-cold nothing towards him. He built up that wall again, bringing their relationship back to the start. He numbed himself to the touch, knowing no love except for what he felt for his offspring. He removed his eyes from Jim's, the whites glassy and blank. And in an emotionless voice, he finally ordered, " Leave me."

" Spock, you know it's just your grief talking. You'll move past this. I promise."

" Leave me alone, Jim!" Spock insisted with those velvet brown eyes on fire. " You are dead to me."

It took a few moments, but Jim agreed at last and began to make his exit. He felt his heart break piece by piece as he walked. Spock continued to weep as he did earlier, and it pained Jim so much that he himself started to cry. As he reached the door, he stopped for only a split second before going through it. Spock heard everything that went on, having shut out his vision, and wondered if the hesitation was genuine. But then, remembering that he no longer wanted to love Jim, he snapped back to his hostility. Spock placed a hand on his belly, silently making his unborn son a promise. Outside, the corridor was as empty and as dead as that little infant named Thomas. And to his surprise, Jim burst into tears. The salty liquid burning his face, he leant against the wall to compose himself. But his despair had him under its spell and he couldn't fight it anymore. He began to slide down, his hands covering his face as his shoulders shook violently. He now realised he had a choice. Two lives; both almost opposites of each other; one full of guilt and secrecy; the other with the pride of fatherhood. He only had to choose one, but it couldn't be done. His heart was torn. All he ever wanted was love. Love with Kathy; love with Spock. But he couldn't have it all. He had just one life; one choice.

_Oh, my God._


	13. The Confession

**I am SO sorry; I know I promised to get TCOTW back into motion in February. But I was just so swamped with coursework that ALL my hobbies had to take a backseat for a while. Trust me; I had never pushed myself so hard before. I will no longer post the chapters on a weekly basis, though they will get posted as soon as possible! **

Kathy's squealing laughter bounced off the metallic walls of the Enterprise as she ran straight through its many winding corridors. The hysterical giggles mimicked those of a child; a child she still was in some respects. Her shimmering, shoulder-length hair flowed freely behind her like an ocean's waves, and the young girl dared not look back. The bogyman would surely catch her if she stopped to take a breath. So, with no real destination at all, she kept on running as if her life depended on it. In her quest to escape, she was careful not to bump into innocent bystanders. He was not far behind now. Kathy could sense it, and she could hear him as he brought an earthquake with each footfall. He, like his best friend, had been reverted back to his boyhood days, his laugh like music in this brief moment of fun. And when it was coming from Dr. McCoy, it seemed more special somehow. After all, the Atlantan doctor rarely had anything to laugh about nowadays. His mind solely locked on the task of catching up to his nurse, he shut out his surroundings, keeping up a steady pace. Soon Kathy would get tired; he was certain of that. Just when the woman thought she had outrun him, she released a breathless chuckle of relief as her heart pounded hard in her chest. Taking in large gulps of air, she glanced over her shoulder, having heard McCoy's lumbering footsteps getting closer to her. Here, she knew she had the upper hand. It was either tickle or get tickled, and there was no way in Hell that she was going to let McCoy ruin yet another pair of her knickers. No time to formulate a plan, Kathy merely ducked behind a pillar. Only a few short seconds later, the devilish doctor appeared in the hallway. His sapphire eyes scanned the area for any sign of that little girl. He didn't know exactly how he knew, but he just did. Kathy was here, pleading to be tickled into submission. He could almost smell her scent in the air. Suddenly, he heard some shuffling and Dr. McCoy came to realise where Kathy had made her hiding place. With a smug expression on his face, he knew he had the upper hand. He stifled a childlike giggle before tiptoeing closer as quietly as he could. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face! Kathy crouched behind the pillar, the determination dancing around her head as she prepared herself for her attack. She bit her lip in order to silence the sound of her own heavy breathing. She was truly convinced that her plan was working, and then, she could feel him lurking around. Raising her body slightly off the ground, she poised herself for the moment she would pounce on him. McCoy grinned. He was now inches away from Kathy's hiding place. There was no time to fuss. He just did it. He leapt out at her.

" Rrragghhh!"

" AARGH! Bones!"

Dr. McCoy, screaming with laughter, then proceeded to tickle her as he did earlier that morning. He held Kathy tightly in his grip, drumming his fingers all over her body while she screamed and squealed in protest. She tried with all her might to push him off, but she was just so overwhelmed with delight that she couldn't really focus on anything else.

" Bones, no! Aah! Don't! No!" she continued to squeal through her hysterical laughter. Tears were leaping from her eyes. " Stop it, you're gonna make me pee my pants again! Bones, that is _enough!_"

At this, Kathy summoned up the strength to shove him back away. After that, she surprised herself once again. With playful force, she knocked McCoy down to the floor, bruising his backside in the process, and she pinned him there to tickle him. The pair still in hysterics, the man and woman lost themselves in each other in their battle for victory, not caring about anything in their world. Because it was just them in this moment. As two budding soulmates. Even though they didn't know it yet. They both gradually calmed down, however. After a few minutes of this splendour, they were both left breathless and light-headed. Kathy smiled sweetly at Dr. McCoy for a brief moment after realising that she could feel his heartbeat underneath her fingers. Her cheeks flushed, and Dr. McCoy returned her smile back to her as an uncertain response. But as she began to stand up, she caught a fleeting glance at her left ring finger. She gasped in horror.

" Oh, my God! My ring!" she cried. She searched for floor for it in panic.

" What? What's the matter?" answered McCoy as he stood up, straightening his clothes.

" It's gone! It must've slipped off when we were messing around," she muttered miserably. " Jim is gonna kill me!"

Perhaps 'kill' was an exaggeration. After all, it was not in his Jim's nature to act on his anger or use violence to get what he wanted. But it certainly wouldn't help things. Since he parted ways with Spock, he had become troubled and distant. Whenever Kathy tried to talk to him about it, he would only snap at her, insisting that he wished to be alone, so she simply left him this way. She hoped that whatever was going on with him, it would sort itself out like things tend to do. But at the same time, Kathy couldn't help but feel that Jim was shutting her out of his life. Some days it seemed as though she didn't even exist. Some days she even thought that the relationship was coming to an end. She never wanted to believe it, though.

McCoy smiled sadly in his sympathy for her. He remembered the day his ex-wife lost her engagement ring and had spent two agonising days mourning over it until it turned up in the cat's litter tray. " Don't worry; I'll help you find it," he assured her softly.

Kathy smiled sweetly with gratitude, but was too shy to utter a thank you. The friends wasted no time in scouring the surrounding floor, dropping to their knees and fumbling around with their hands as if they were blind. They didn't have to look for long, however, because Uhura appeared by the doorway. Sulu was following on behind like a little lost puppy. A toothy grin spread across her face as she spotted her friends there, scurrying around on the floor. They were both so engrossed in their task that they didn't even see them, which showed Uhura just how important this thing was – whatever it was. She soon caught on, however, because just by chance, the black young woman noticed the small glimmer of a diamond on the ground. As she got a closer peek at it, she immediately recognised it as Kathy's engagement ring. She knelt down and scooped it up with a gentle hand.

She let Sulu have a look, and she muttered to him in an inaudible voice, " It's Kathy's engagement ring. The Captain has nice taste, don't you think?"

Sulu responded with a silent nod of the head, an impressed smirk on his lips.

Uhura cleared her throat to grab the attentions of the medical staff. " Is this what you're looking for?" she asked, holding up the item for them to see.

Kathy's face lit up when she saw her beloved ring in the safety of her friend's possession. Almost half-crazed, she went for it like a rabid dog. The nurse heaved a deep sigh of relief once she slipped it back onto her finger. She no longer felt naked. " Thanks," she breathed in relief and gratitude.

McCoy stood up, grunting a little in the effort to steady himself. " Whatchu guys doin'?" he asked Sulu and Uhura in a friendly tone.

" Chekov's challenged Scotty to a drinking contest and bunch of us are going to watch. Want to come with us?" Uhura piped up. She could almost laugh and roll her eyes at Chekov's poor attempt to one-up the Scotsman. This was not the first time he had made such an attempt.

" Great!" cried Kathy. " You can count us in!"

She glanced over to see that Dr. McCoy was nodding eagerly in agreement, which made her smile in response. He noticed, and as a result, he nudged her playfully on the arm and shot her a knowing wink.

" I'll be honoured, Miss. Uhura," he chimed in, grinning from ear to ear.

Uhura beamed excitedly and almost squealed. The plan was set. The quartet of officers walked together in a perfect line, their arms linked, as they made their way down to the ship's bar. They were all babbling with excitement, eager to know who the winner might turn out to be. As they entered the turbolift, Uhura explained to the doctor and nurse that she had been a witness to Chekov and Scotty's disagreement, and that she was the one who offered to be the judge of the competition. She then went on to express her desire for Chekov to be the victor. But, as Uhura was going to learn, no one else really shared the same opinion. The second he heard Chekov's name escape her lips, Sulu erupted into hysterical laughter.

Clasping his belly in his fight to breathe, his words were barely intelligible. " That sissy?! Oh, my God, Uhura!"

The four friends stopped in their tracks as Uhura shot Sulu an incredibly dirty look, her hands on her hips. Only spectators, Kathy and McCoy exchanged eager looks, their breaths silenced as they waited to see and hear more. The small but fearless communications officer approached the helmsman and glared furiously at him. To the two onlookers, she appeared to be nothing more than a hungry pussycat staring at a fish in a pond, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. She even poised her claws in the manner of such a fearsome creature. As Sulu's bout of laughter subsided, he began to know the rules to the game she was playing with him. And like the Russian, there was no way in Hell that he was going to let her win. As a response to the death stare, Sulu did nothing but sneer. Uhura, with eyes bright like the stars, never tore them from his face as she studied every iota of it. There had to be at least a quiver of weakness somewhere. But no. Hikaru Sulu was bursting with confidence.

" Give it up, Uhura," he instructed her smugly. " Pavel's a loser."

Uhura rolled her eyes playfully, never letting her friend know that she had a trick up her sleeve. " I guess you don't know about the training I've been giving him," she purred coyly.

A nervous gulp was shared between Dr. McCoy and Kathy as they caught glimpses of one another. If Sulu found out that she was bluffing, there really would be a catfight. For now, he believed it. The smug expression melted into a concerned frown. The young nurse could almost laugh. In fact, she did. In order to stifle her giggles, she buried her chubby face in McCoy's shoulder. McCoy didn't notice it that much, however. He was too engrossed in the scene that was unfolding before his sapphire eyes.

" Are you serious? You've been training him? _You?!_"

Uhura nodded, beaming from ear to ear. " Hmm-mmh! Your precious Scotsman had better hold on to his crown. He's dead meat."

Sulu gave a heavy, nervous gulp, which caused Dr. McCoy to grin like a child at a circus show. Thankfully, the Japanese young man didn't spot the connection. " I don't like the sound of that," he admitted truthfully, his silky voice low with doubt.

When the four officers arrived at the bar a few minutes later, it was already bustling with hundreds of people. Officers from all around the ship had come to witness Chekov's highly anticipated victory. The enthusiasm in the room was truly a dream. Happy, smiling faces were scattered throughout the crowd as an eruption of excited voices filled the bar. The sounds billowed out like some sweet aroma from a hot kitchen into the other areas of the Enterprise, spreading the infectious gaiety. Feeling somewhat lost in the sea of red, blue and yellow, Kathy flashed Dr. McCoy an uneasy but eager grin, which he keenly returned and made her feel better. Sulu, on the other hand, was in his element. In his childlike enthusiasm, infectious laughter burst out of him as if he wanted to sing from the rooftops. His three companions couldn't believe it, and they, too, began to laugh in their disbelief. The shouts grew louder and more urgent, and Uhura swore that she could hear chants of Scotty's and Chekov's names. That could only mean one thing. The drunken cheers told them that the two competitors had entered the arena. Kathy had no time to think as she was dragged into the thickening crowd with McCoy and Uhura clinging on for dear life. As the young woman suffocated and panicked in the fire of all those officers, she didn't realise at the first that it was Sulu who was leading the way. His dark brown eyes were so focused on the task ahead that he was literally fighting his way through the crowd, almost laughing in his manic state. Surprised at the helmsman's youthful behaviour, Dr. McCoy and Uhura began snorting with laughter, resulting in a very nervous gulp from Kathy. The four companions reached the other end of the bar, and saw that a large table had been set up. Forty shot glasses had been put there, twenty of them filled to the brim with Russian vodka; the other twenty were filled with the finest Scotch whiskey. Scotty and Chekov were sitting by their preferred beverages, eyeing one another up determinedly; preparing themselves – and their stomachs – for the contest. Uhura and Sulu exchanged knowing smirks. The doctor and his loyal nurse watched as Uhura went to sit with Chekov and Sulu sat with Scotty. They had a chuckle together while words of encouragement were being uttered into the competitors' ears. Soon, Uhura stepped in front of the crowd to speak confidently to them.

" What a turn-out!" she cried, which resulted in a hearty cheer. " Well, I guess there's no need for an introduction. You all _must _know the drill by now. Ensign Pavel Chekov and Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott…" she paused in mid-sentence, her dark brown eyes shining as she flashed her Scottish friend a flirtatious smile, " Scotty…will attempt to drink twenty shots each in three minutes. Whoever drinks the most is the winner."

There was another cheer from the crowd, and a mixture of Chekov's and Scotty's names.

" You'd better not let me down, Scotty!" cried Sulu, beaming from ear to ear. He then turned and his grin immediately transformed into a terrified frown.

At this, a cruel chuckle burst from McCoy, who eagerly watched.

Chekov and Scotty continued to glare at one another in almost a cat-like manner, and Scotty smirked smugly. Victory had the strong stench of Scotch to him. " Give it up, lad. Ye ain't got a chance against me," he sneered playfully.

In return, the Russian boy scoffed. " You seem to forget the fact that I am Russian. Ve're wery resilient, you know. I can beat you in my sleep," he uttered, perhaps a bit too confidently.

Scotty gave a small, smug smile to himself, picking up his first glass, although it wasn't time for him to drink yet. He had just thought up the perfect comeback to throw at him. " Yeah, well, I'm Scottish. Ve're wery resilient, too," he drawled, cheekily mocking his friend's accent.

Offended, Chekov shot up from his chair. He banged his fists down on the table and was just about to start a fight until Uhura stepped in to stop him. The attractive young lady glared at him disapprovingly until the moment the feeling of sheepishness washed over him, and he lowered back down into his seat slowly. He swallowed; disappointed in the fact that he had upset her. Uhura shot him a smile before turning to the crowd once again.

" Get ready, everybody! The contest is about to begin!" she bellowed over the noise of all the people talking. She went back to the competitors. " Good luck, boys," she said. " On three. OK? You ready?"

" Yes, I'm ready," replied Chekov.

Scotty nodded silently in agreement. He eyed his glasses thirstily, holding on tight to the one he had in his hand.

Uhura grinned as she began to count. " One…two…three."

Chekov panicked.

" Come on, Pavel! You can do it!"

" Yeah, Chekov! WHOO!"

Deafened by the whooping, cheering crowd, Chekov didn't know what was up or what was down. He just sat there hopeless and helpless, frantically fumbling around to grab a hold of one of the glasses. As he trembled all over with excitement, he caught a fleeting glance across the table. His opponent was already steadily knocking back his shots as fast as he possibly could. His dark brown eyes were completely focused on the task ahead. So much in fact that he was blind to everything but the table in front of him. That image alone kick-started something in Chekov that made him speed through his beverages.

" Come on, Chekov!" screamed Kathy. She clapped her hands together, her heart pounding hard in her excitement of the contest.

Dr. McCoy, who stood close by her, merely grinned and laughed as he wrapped one arm around her in a friendly manner. He knew he would look and feel foolish if he dared to join in with the cheering, but he soon forgot his pride. " Come on, Chekov!" he hollered and he whistled heartily, urging the little Russian man on.

Chekov fumbled to grab a proper hold of his glasses as he struggled to keep up with his opponent. The effect of alcohol was starting to cast its ungodly spell on him, for he could not think straight. His vision, too, became a little blurred, but even with this poison running through his veins, Chekov realised he could still win this. He downed his few remaining drinks, the three minutes almost over. There was only one shot left now. He glanced across the table again, where Scotty was on his penultimate glass.

_Steal dis chance, Pavel! You can do dis! _his mind sang to him.

Uhura observed him closely, her heart sinking in her disappointment for him. He so wanted to beat Scotty at something. But she had to do it. Just as Chekov's fingertips grazed that last shot of vodka, Uhura gave an almighty cry, making him leap with fright for a second. " The three minutes are up! Let's see how our guys did," she cried to the audience.

Chekov moaned weakly, slumping back in his chair, and the world around him eventually faded into a black blur. Kathy shot McCoy an anxious grimace.

Uhura furrowed her brow in her concentration. She began to count. "…Sixteen…Seventeen…Eighteen…Nineteen…OK," she mumbled under her breath. " Nineteen shots for Chekov!" Her voice carried genuine excitement.

Scotty, with a look of satisfaction plastered on his face, gave a smug quirk of his eyebrows. He leant forward, unaware that Chekov was on his way to passing out. " Nice gooin', Pavel," he sneered playfully.

"…Sixteen! Seventeen! Eighteen! Nineteen!" Uhura gasped. " Twenty! Scotty wins by one shot!"

There was an eruption of mass hysteria from the crowd. Everyone wanted to get close to Scotty. Being at the front, Kathy and Dr. McCoy got the worst of it. Kathy squealed as she felt a hand brush against her backside.

" Hey, hey, hey! Careful where you're putting your hands!" the doctor raged in her defence, even if it was by accident.

He pulled her out of the way, yanking her violently into the crowd itself. Uhura followed, with the unconscious Chekov in her arms, while Sulu helped to carry him. They pushed through all the officers, literally hitting and punching them to make a path for themselves. Chekov was nothing more than an oversized sack of potatoes, drooling all over the back of Uhura's red dress. But it wasn't long until they finally shoved their way out of the door. The corridor was virtually empty, compared to the bar. At least here, they all could have the chance to breathe and think.

" Come on," said Sulu. " Let's sneak Chekov off to his quarters before the Captain finds out."

The three others murmured in agreement. Kathy released a deep sigh of relief, her face soaked with sweat. She wouldn't do this again. At least for a very long time.

" Why, may I ask, must Mr. Chekov sneak off to his quarters?"

Four heads snapped in the same direction, and their owners all jolted in fear. Even Uhura let out a horrified squeal, releasing Chekov slightly from her grasp. The Captain, though normally kind-natured, had become the victim of a crippling depression following Spock's temporary departure from the ship. While he would usually take the lead in a childish game or offer a good, hearty joke, he now was very isolated and withdrawn from his crew. It had created some hostility among even his most loyal officers, and some had even become very frightened of him. But no one had it as bad as Kathy. In the middle of the night, it would happen mostly. She would be awakened by the unsettling sounds of him pacing the floor for hours on end. His eyes, large and hopeless, would appear to be glass as he stared into the black void of the nothingness in his world. His voice would barely be audible as he murmured the same incoherent things over and over. But if Kathy ever dared to bring her fiancé out of this ice-cold trance, she would receive a face full of spit as he bellowed at her, causing an argument almost every time. But Kathy could not bear to leave him. Spock was the root of all Jim's sadness, and she knew that it would die at some point. She just had to endure it a little while longer until the end of the dispute between him and that remarkable Vulcan. If it ever would end; if Spock ever came back home. So, of course, the four officers were petrified to see Jim standing there with a pure scowl of disapproval on his face. His arms firmly folded, he tapped his foot impatiently. Kathy chuckled nervously as his eyes met hers. She could tell that he was most disappointed in her; the future wife of a Starfleet captain.

" Nothing, sir," muttered Sulu quickly and he winked discreetly at his friends. " It's just that he was playing a very intense game of chess earlier, and, um…Well, you know how chess can be, sir. He just a little excited. That's all." The perfect lie.

Jim paused, his brow furrowed as he peered closely at Chekov. He might as well be dead in this moment, the way he was drooling everywhere. Whatever chess had caused, it was very clear that it was not chess. " If he's so excited, then why is he unconscious?"

" Uh…" Or not.

This time, Dr. McCoy was the one who came up with the lie. " I sedated him," he answered, grinning falsely. He reached into his pocket and dug out a syringe, which he, luckily, always carried on his person in case of an emergency. It was empty, too, fortunately.

But still, Jim was left unconvinced. Standing tall to demand respect, he advanced on them slowly. A vast, angry king, Jim cast a vast, angry shadow upon his crew, which was as dark, and as black, as a Klingon's murderous heart. He peered suspiciously at all four of his officers' faces. In thought, he knitted his eyebrows together with just a hint of silent fury, which caused them to shuffle in their boots with fear. All of them, of course, except for poor Chekov. Their broad, toothy grins stretched uneasily and falsely across their mouths, and no one dared to add a laugh or a snigger to that. The Captain shot an icy glare at Sulu, assuming that he was most responsible, and he moved his hands to his hips in order to appear more threatening than he already was.

" Mr. Sulu, this man is drunk!" he snapped.

Only Uhura felt brave enough to stand up to fight for her craven comrades. " We're only trying to have some fun around this miserable place," she informed him testily as she balanced the unconscious Chekov on her shoulder, who now shared the likeness to a ragdoll. But just for a fleeting moment, though, he lifted his head of straw. The young man's eyes, distant and bloodshot, peered out to the world before clamping shut again. He murmured feverishly, but his voice was so quiet that no one even noticed that he had spoken at all.

Jim, as he was in a vile mood, was begging for a fight. A fight with Uhura would be most perfect.

Sulu, Dr. McCoy and Kathy said nothing as they all watched anxiously on. Even McCoy, who always stepped in to end arguments around the ship, felt powerless to stop it. Chekov murmured again, in a louder voice than before.

" You can have fun the next time you have your shore leave! But for now, you have a ship to run. I suggest you get to it, especially if you want to keep your jobs!" he snapped.

Kathy swallowed, spotting a pleading look from McCoy. No words were uttered through the mouth, but she understood the task he had set her. Just as the little nurse was about to take her fiancé by the arm to whisk him away someplace for an intimate talk, Chekov did an extraordinary thing. But as extraordinary as it was, it was not very pleasant for either party. Because Chekov had suddenly become aware of all that was around him. His head perked up and he stared straight into the Captain's eyes, giving him an incredibly uneasy feeling inside. And finally, Chekov did it. There was no other word for it. He vomited on him; all over his handsome yellow shirt. All the oxygen in the surrounding area was sucked out of the air as the four officers gasped. Uhura cringed and scrunched her face up in utter horror. But Kirk barely reacted to it. His face seemed to be cast in ice, for it had frozen in an expressionless, dead-eyed look. Once again, he had become a target for that disgusting, colourless bile. In her sympathy for him, Kathy cooed softly. She stepped forward to comfort him, careful not to touch the sick. But, as a foul side-effect of his wicked mood, Jim simply rejected her and turned to leave. He just didn't care anymore. If Chekov wanted to drink himself silly, then he should be left to fulfil that desire. All Jim wanted in these days of woe was to wallow in his misery, his mind constantly on the unborn child he'd conceived with another. As he marched down to corridor, his eyes tired and despaired, he never expected meek little Kathy to chase after him.

" Jim! Jim, sweetheart," she called.

Jim whirled around, startled slightly by the sound of her honey-sweet voice.

" Jim, Chekov didn't mean it. Honestly, Jim!" she cried. " We were just having fun. Surely you can understand that?"

The Captain, no believing a single word, scoffed.

" Please, Jim. I know you're sad about Spock leaving, but…but you have me. Leave Spock in the past."

And Jim couldn't contain his anger any longer. With spit flying into her face, he ranted and screamed as loud and as fearsome as he could. " SPOCK IS MY T'HY'LA!" He spun on his heels and, still with the vomit staining his shirt, he stormed off fast in the direction of his quarters.

Kathy was not at all surprised that he had shouted at her like he did. So, much like how Jim reacted to being vomited on, she stood proud, even though her heart was beating hard in her ears with fear. She quickly gulped it away, however, and she muttered, " I know that means 'friend'."

Jim stopped in his tracks, almost in horror. He wasn't even aware that she knew the word.

" And 'brother'. And…And 'lover'. Bones told me. If you…If you want to talk about anything, i-i-it's OK."

Finally, at long last, Jim realised that Kathy knew the truth. Now he must confirm her suspicions; confess every last detail to her, and finally give the relationship the dignified end it always needed. " Yes. Yes, it's true," he confessed. " I'm in love with Spock."

" And the twins?"

" They are mine."

" Which means…you slept with him while we were together."

" Yes. He wanted us to have one last meeting. You were never meant to find out. It was stupid and I'm sorry."

" That's OK."

Jim approached her, and with a gentle hand, he cupped her chubby chin in it. " I did care for you. I really did, little girl."

Kathy's soft blue eyes filled with tears, and her bottom lip began to tremble. She couldn't believe that she was naïve enough to think that Jim had truly loved her. But she dared not question it, for she guessed that he must have been at a crossroads in his life. For whatever reason, she was unsure, though she had her theories.

" I know," she confessed, and sharply pulled away from him. " Thank you, Jim."

Jim smiled sheepishly, not sure why he was being thanked.

" For wanting me…For at least a little while. I appreciate it. Really, I do. But please, have my ring. I don't want it anymore." She then eased the diamond ring off her plump finger. She shuddered a little at the sight of the indent. But she bravely handed it back to Jim, her head held high with pride. Jim stared at it for a brief second, his brow furrowed. The diamond glimmered like a little star. Kathy's own little star.

" Keep it," he protested. " It's yours."

Kathy shook her ebony head, her sapphire-blue eyes icy and glassy. " Take it. It doesn't belong to me. It never has and it never will. It belongs to Spock. He deserves it…like he deserves your love," she whispered with just a hint of heartbreak. Yet she stood there before the Captain, her eyes staring straight through him and with all her dignity intact.

In her eyes, however, Jim could see something dangerous there. It was small; so small in fact that it almost went undetected – even by Kathy herself – but it was definite. Definite like the centuries long past. As the young girl stood tall in front of the man who had promised her the impossible, she became a young woman. Although it was clear that the news had shocked her, she already knew in a way, even when she wasn't aware of it. Because in those past several months, she had seen the friendship between Spock and her man. They had something that he and Kathy never did. But the fact that they had conceived those two boys while Kathy was in the picture, that was the hurtful thing. So, without uttering another word, she turned her back on him. With what seemed to be a dignified march back down the corridor, her heart was pounding hard in her chest. Jim watched as she walked away from him for the last time, and he stood there for a long moment. He was awestruck by her. He had expected a lot of shouting, arguing and crying. But never quiet understanding. Not from little Kathy. And in that moment, as he thought it over in his mind, he came to realise that he never knew Kathryn Weller. Not really. He certainly never knew what occurred once she disappeared from sight. He didn't have to, or need to, know now.

At last, when she saw her dear Dr. McCoy standing by the door of the bar alone, Kathy collapsed to the floor in floods of tears. McCoy gasped, and rushed to her side to help her through this heartbreak. Having guessed that Kirk must have revealed his secret at last, the doctor did nothing but hold her in his arms until she was ready to talk in the sanctity of the medical bay.

" He's been fucking Spock all this time! He's the babies' father!" she wailed. Her face was soaked in her own tears that were streaming freely down, burning her cheeks like drops of lava.

Dr. McCoy stood listening, hooked on her every word, and he found that his own sapphire eyes were becoming clouded in his guilt. But he didn't breathe a word about it. He never could. He never did.

" I can't believe I didn't realise earlier! It was so obvious! I didn't know! I'm so stupid! I'm _so stupid!_" she continued as she sobbed.

McCoy outstretched his arms, urging Kathy to enter them. Locked in this comforting embrace, Kathy was able to let her remaining tears go with the doctor shushing her every now and again. He stroked her hair, running his fingers through it, and with a gentle rock, he pressed his lips against her forehead. That single sign of affection made the crying subside a little, and she smiled at him in gratitude. McCoy smiled, too, but only a little bit awkwardly. He then brought her in close for another hug, when he rested his chin on the top of her coal-black head. In the old doctor's arms, Kathy heaved a shuddering sigh of contentment. And as the last of the tears finally fell, they dripped on to his shirt, leaving a dark, damp patch. She had never felt so comforted by a man before, not even by her own father as a child.

" It's OK," Dr. McCoy muttered. "Better he told ya now than at the altar."

Kathy didn't respond. She merely gave another sigh, and, after a moment's consideration, jokingly wiped her nose on McCoy's shirt. He let out a high-pitched squeal in disgust, and he began to bounce around the room as a desperate attempt to rid his body of the germs. It was for show, of course, but it was to make Kathy laugh when she needed it the most. And luckily for him, it had worked. She was now screaming with laughter, clasping her belly as she became breathless.

" Nah, yer all right, kid," the doctor piped up casually through a toothy grin. " You don't need him. Why, your future husband is gonna think the world o' yer. I certainly do."

Kathy giggled and blushed ever so slightly. " Thanks, Doctor, but I don't think I'll ever get married. Not after this," was her confession.


	14. Rising Dawn

My dearest Spock,

On my first day on the job, you came to me and introduced yourself. You had this odd tone of voice, which to me seemed as though you were judging me. All because I hadn't been in charge of a starship before. And that look you gave me. I will always remember it. Your eyes, normally so soft and kind, looked as though they were on fire. God, you despised me! So, for that reason, I hated you back. But as you walked away, my Spock, that was when I got this feeling. Right in the pit of my stomach. I can remember the tingling sensation there as I swallowed deeply, watching you disappear from sight. It wasn't a nice feeling. It's hard to explain, I know, but in that moment I just knew. My life was going to change forever. For better or for worse, at the time I wasn't entirely sure. I feared for the longest time that it would be for the worse. I'm glad it wasn't.

Maybe this is a cowardly way to tell you – there are far better methods of communicating, as you know all too well – but it seems that this centuries' old fountain pen is my only friend at this hour. You don't have to respond of course, and if you never want to see me again, I'll understand. You can raise our son on Vulcan if you like, and you can tell him stories about how I broke your heart. You can perceive me as a real monster for all I care. Or don't mention me at all. But just for one moment, I need you to listen to me. Even if it is the wrong choice of words here.

Kathy was never the love of my life. Don't get me wrong; she's a lovely girl, and I cherish her very much. But she was nothing more than a holiday romance. A phase. A dream. A shooting star. We were never going to be happy and she doesn't deserve that. She needs someone who will love her like I love you. I should have realised that a long time ago. Before all of this happened. Because I would want to do it properly if given the chance to slingshot around the sun – so to speak. We would be a real family; you, me and Jeremy. We can still be that. I would make you my husband in a heartbeat if you were here right now. I know it's the thing you truly desire, even when you don't admit it. Because that need is always going to be there. So I'm pleading you. Please, t'hy'la, please consider it before you take my son from my life. I need him as much as you need him.

Awaiting your answer,

James Tiberius Kirk

PS: Jeremy is the name I chose for our baby.

" Jeremy?" Spock uttered out loud.

Bathed in the light of his bedside lamp, he sat upright in bed, which caused his round belly to stick out at an odd angle. His back, sore, knotted and on fire, was supported by a mountain of pillows as he gazed upon the scruffy, slanted handwriting of his beloved captain. There were ink spots all over the virgin-white page, which initially drove Spock to the point of madness, but it seemed so human that it was almost endearing. In a world full of logic and reason, Spock missed that. Awkwardly, he heaved a sigh. This was the thirty-fourth time he had read Kirk's letter, and he was still no closer to making a decision. He wasn't being lazy or neglectful; he really did want to make one. But he was faced with a similar dilemma he had met several months earlier. Only this time, it was harder to choose. Spock had been enjoying his stay with his parents, even though Sarek still didn't approve. Amanda was immensely welcoming; however, therefore was the one whom Spock saw the most. He was grateful for this, despite never having the courage to admit it. In his weakened condition, even he came to realise that he wasn't indestructible. He still felt very sore after his operation, and couldn't walk around the house for long. So, he was glad that it was his mother who spent her days fussing over her only child. Every morning, when the two Vulcan suns shone the brightest, she would bring in a breakfast tray of Vulcan-friendly foods, regardless of whether Spock was hungry or not. During the day, as Spock was confined to his bed, Amanda would make sure that he was entertained. As if he were nothing more than a small child, she would read books to him all day long in a light-hearted manner, and she tried with all her might to make him smile as she did so. Of course he never did smile, but that was to be expected, and not just because he was a Vulcan either. Amanda was fully aware of what happened to poor Thomas, the little angel, her grandchild, that now looked over Spock in all his victories and wrongdoings from afar. She knew that Spock needed to be comforted in his hour of grief. Because she had never suffered the loss of a child, she simply could not imagine the pain he was going through. But she wanted to. She wanted to know this kind of pain so her son wouldn't have to go through it alone anymore. Even if he didn't want to let it show. Even if he didn't want to share it with his mother. But, as Spock was going to learn, secrets between mother and child always uncover themselves at some point or another.

The baby shifted, making Spock wince slightly in response. He heaved another exhausted sigh, and carefully folded the letter with trembling fingers. He placed it back on the table, where it had been waiting all day, aching to be read again. The paper knew what the words meant; they were etched into her skin, never to be erased, and she was proud to wear them. But what she regretted the most was the inability to truly make Spock understand. If only he knew the tears Kirk had shed as he scribbled it all down; if only he understood the guilt and the regret the captain was carrying around in his heart. So relaying the news on to the Vulcan was the best thing she could do, which she hoped would be enough. Before switching off the light, Spock settled down to sleep. It took a few minutes, but he soon found a comfortable position on his back, where it was supported by the cloud-like mattress. Exhausted after his long day, his eyelids began to droop and he could fight it no more. He was in a deep slumber, enchanted by the Greek god Morpheus, only to be wakened by the scent of his favourite meal. But as Spock began to dream, however, there was something that held him back. Whether it was the prospect of being hurt again or something else entirely, he wasn't sure.

As he wandered curiously through a black field of nothingness, he realised that he was no longer carrying his son. As naked as the day he was born, he glanced down and saw that he had no bump, but instead, he was very scarred and still incredibly sore. He came by a river. A long winding river that went on for miles. But the water, the water was an unusual colour. It was nothing like the water that kept his planet alive. It was green, and slightly thicker. It was the colour of a Vulcan's blood, but Spock couldn't work out whose it was. He followed the river's trial until he came across a cradle and a grave. The plaque on the grave had no name or sorrowful words of any kind. But Spock knew straightaway. Sadek had died here; and the cradle, empty and cold, was supposed to be Thomas'. And then, he felt an incredible pain in his abdomen. It was as if a great hand of some vast creature had him in its grasp, squeezing the very life out of him. He grunted and cried out, collapsing to the ground in agony. He caressed his scarred belly, and he begged for this pain to be taken away. He was even close to tears now. He looked up and saw that there now was a message on the grave's plaque. Spock was in too much pain from this invisible force, but if he had the strength, he would've those words out loud.

_Here lies good friend Sadek, our brother and our lover, who keeps all our lost loved ones as safe as a song._

Spock understood now. Sadek was the one to take care of Thomas, and the only way to let go was to bring the child to him. There was instant release.

" Spock, honey. Spock, wake up, darling."

Spock's eyes fluttered open to the sight of his mother hovering worriedly over him. He glanced over to the table. His stomach rumbled. On the table sat a large vegetable pie, packed with the most delicious green leaves and fluffy, white cream in the centre. Amanda's specialty. When the elderly woman saw that her son was awake, she cracked a warm and welcoming smile.

" Good morning, darling. Have a good sleep?" she asked, to which Spock slowly nodded his head.

" Yes, Mother," he mumbled.

" What time did you get off to sleep? I saw that you had your light on."

Spock was reminded of the days of his childhood, in which he would read all night and get scolded in the morning for staying up past his bedtime. He was grateful that Amanda no longer punished him for it, and he loved the fact that she was so attentive, but he sometimes felt suffocated by her never-ending kindness. He would never penalise her for it, though. He could never do that to his mother.

" I was rereading Jim's letter," he muttered, truthfully.

At this, Amanda lowered herself slowly down at the end of Spock's bed. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed in concern. " And?" she asked, desperate to find out what he had to say about the marriage proposal.

" That's not the only thing," he admitted. " I miss Thomas. He…He was my child. He always will be. But I don't think I can let him go until I give him a proper burial."

" You still have the body?"

" No. The body was disposed of on the ship. I have his umbilical cord. That should be enough."

The moment she heard this, a wide grin spread across Amanda's face. She gently nodded her head in understanding, the pride and the nostalgia enveloping her like the warmth of a fire in winter. Spock was more human than she realised. And she, too, had held on to her own son's umbilical cord for a few weeks after his birth. It was the last thing that ever connected the two physically, so it was tremendously difficult to let go of. If he had chosen her to help him bury it, she was very excited to support him through his grief. She swallowed.

" There's a nice spot in the garden. What do you think?" she suggested kindly.

Spock shook his head within a second. " No. I already know of the perfect place," he replied. " It's a while away, but he needs to be buried there. That's what he deserves. That's what Sadek deserves," he said decidedly in a firm, steady voice. His eyes of brown were sad, but his lips were curled into a slight, confident smile.

Not entirely sure what caused him to say Sadek's name, Amanda studied her son's face for a long moment. As she stared deeper, absolutely captivated by those beautiful eyes, she eventually learnt of the love he still had for his first best friend. And no more words needed to be uttered between them. Amanda nodded softly, and she leant in closer to Spock in order to plant a loving kiss on his cheek. He barely reacted to it, of course, but was very appreciative of the support. He glanced again to the pie, still steaming, and back to his mother within a millisecond. She had noticed, and she grinned broadly, giving a little chuckle.

" Baby demanding breakfast, is he?" she guessed.

Spock nodded eagerly and hungrily, not bothering to point out that the baby could not demand anything at this stage, especially while he was still in the womb.

Amanda smiled again as she stood up from the bed. " I'll leave you to it. We'll start the journey tomorrow before sunrise. It's too hot to go now. Is that all right, my darling?" she informed him, just as she was about to leave the room.

" That would be acceptable. Thank you, Mother," Spock replied.

" Good," she answered softly. " That's settled, then. Now, I want you to eat all that pie up!" she jokily added and winked. " I'll come by later, and we can talk more about this expedition."

So, as Amanda made her leave, Spock was left to rest some more, and to wallow in his solitude. Alone, he could think more clearly. Alone, he had the strength to do anything. The baby gave a lively kick, pushing his tiny foot up against the inside of Spock's abdomen, where he could spot the strange movement. He put his hand there, and even raised a warm, loving smile. Perhaps he wasn't quite so alone after all. For the moment, he still had this little one. And that, he decided, helped him lift up his spirits during this hour of darkness.

" I am sorry, my boy," he muttered lovingly. " It seems that, since the death of your brother, I have neglected you and your needs. I am sorry, my son," he said again with the deepest regret in his voice.

He drew an invisible smiley face on his belly with a single index finger, which he hoped would mirror the emotion of the baby if he could show it in this moment. But minutes later, Spock decided that he would never speak of this in the years to come, or even think of it, because he was about to put all of his troubles behind him. He was going to start anew after tomorrow. So he simply pulled his breakfast up close and tucked into it as if he hadn't eaten a thing for a month. Because, after all, he had someone else to take care of beside himself, and couldn't starve himself anymore. Spock would be very conscious of his unborn son from this day forward, and as he wolfed down his meal with all these thoughts racing through his head, he instantly became aware of what his baby would need in the near-future. And one of those things, needless to say, was a proper family; not just a single parent and his grandparents – as supportive as they would be. Even though Spock wanted to bury miserable moments of the past, he also wanted to revisit the loving ones of it; namely Jim. It began to dawn on him. He wouldn't be with child now if he didn't want to think about him later on. He would have had the termination. End of. He just had to wait now, until the day he would be reunited with that beautiful man.


	15. Thomas

**God, I am so, so, so, so sorry. I know I've neglected TCOTW too long. But these past few weeks have been tough. Academically, physically, mentally and emotionally tough. I had no choice. I know you guys have been waiting. **

The sun not yet awakened from her slumber, the night still lingered around the sand dunes like a beloved ghost of the past. The air was cool, and it was breezy as it waited to warm up in the heat of the upcoming morning. The smell, which hung around the blustering winds, was a crisp, bitter aroma that had a powerful effect on the senses. Just a whiff of it and one would be swept away, overcome with desires of a lonesome tundra. As the wind blew through hard, it carried sand with it, and swirled the grains around in perfect circles, mimicking the magnificent trail of a shooting star. And there was not another sign of life anywhere, for all the Vulcans were still slumbering soundly in their beds, determined to stay in their dreams forever. For Spock, there could not be a better time to start the journey with his mother. The two figures in the dark appeared to be one as they marched together. Spock had brought along a cane to support his walking, as of course, he was still very weak, but came to realise after a while that it wasn't really needed. His mother was his support. Amanda held on to her son's arm, assisting his every step, and refused to let go. She wasn't going to let him give up just because he felt weak or unable to go farther. The strength and the will were in him, she could feel the heat of his passion radiating off of him. Naturally, she was glad that he had agreed to let her come along. Shielding their eyes from the sweeping sand, the mother and son eventually found their place across the desert just after sunrise. That dilapidated cabin by the oasis, hidden away from the world.

To Spock, it hadn't changed at all since his last visit twenty years prior. The wood was still sturdy and proud, despite the deaths that happened here. As the two humanoids breathed in the sight of it, they exchanged uncertain glances. Amanda even let out a muted whimper of fear, unleashing her human emotions onto this logical world. Spock looked at her, and a brave, not-quite-a-smile slithered across his lips, as he slid his hand into hers. Surprised, Amanda's eyes widened in disbelief and immediately wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head against his shoulder, her senses embraced by his sweet smell. As they parted, the older woman placed a hand on the baby bump for a brief second, her love for her grandson growing stronger in her heart. And, with not even a breath utter between them, they entered the little house. While Spock looked around the one-roomed hideaway, Amanda observed him anxiously. She could see the pain trying to burst out of his heart, but still he kept it under wraps. Spock stepped into the kitchen area, leaning on the handle of his cane, and his mind flashed back to the afternoon his light died.

Sadek had been haemorrhaging profusely in his effort to stay alive. Spock had rushed to the kitchen to get a bowl of water in order to dab his friend's forehead with a cloth, hoping it would cool him down. But there was nothing Spock could do to stop the suffering. And finally, at long last, Spock made his way to the bedroom area, where the once-white blankets were grey with age and green with blood. The human mother watched her son for a long while before she plucked up the courage to approach him. She didn't utter a single word when she went to rest her head in the crook of his shoulder. The family locked in this sweet embrace, they remembered the young man's end. Amanda could almost weep on Spock's behalf, which she did do in silence and in anger. The gods were cruel that day, she had always believed, because she saw how much it affected her baby. And she couldn't bear it anymore. As Spock stood there as silent as a monk, he came to understand what his mother was thinking. He supposed he should be grateful that he had someone there with him. But he just couldn't shake that image from his mind. He was consumed by it. Sadek squirming and writhing; the blood; the sweat; the last unsuccessful plead for sanity. A wave of nausea washed over him and he clutched at his belly in his brief panic. Amanda held him close now as Spock fought to suppress his heartbreak. Sadek's piercing shrieks of agony still echoed here, and then were silenced by the lingering stench of death. An ancient song that no ears could hear. An epic tale that no storyteller knew. These things could not compare to a friend that the eyes could no longer see. The rage and the heartbreak built up inside him and were about to release it through a scream, until…

" Do you want to do it now?" asked Amanda uncertainly.

Spock blinked. He swallowed and nodded. His gaze slipped down to the floor, where the wooden floorboards were loose and creaky. " Yes, Mother," he whispered, not sounding sure at all. His voice was so quiet and so hoarse that it seemed as though he wasn't breathing.

Amanda patted him lovingly on the arm, sensing the uncertainty. " You don't have to do this if you don't want to," she assured him. " We can go straight back home right now."

" No. Promises need to be made."

Amanda simply nodded, and went bustling around the cabin as if she was searching for something. " I'm sure I put it here somewhere," she muttered quietly to herself, looking in all the kitchen cupboards.

" I believe you," Spock began to say, but had to take a few moments to compose himself. " I believe you buried it in the sand outside," he said, in a voice that was much clearer. " Remember?"

His mother turned to him, an inquisitive expression on her aged face. " Are you sure?"

" Yes, I'm sure."

Amanda paused again hesitantly, but gave in eventually. " OK, son, if you say so," she answered, and she started chuckling as she walked outside.

Spock didn't have much of a response. He did nothing but raise an eyebrow, which only caused Amanda to laugh more. While she bustled merrily outside, Spock leant forward in this moment of silence, and touched the floorboards beside the bed. It felt hard and cold against his fingers. A memory flashed across his mind; only a small, simple memory. It was the image of Sadek's soft, velvety brown eyes. They always seemed to smile; those eyes were the only signs of emotion. It drove Spock crazy sometimes. Sadek was just so beautiful. Spock blinked, and those eyes vanished, his heart racing. He didn't calm down completely until his mother returned with a long metal crowbar. It had started to rust over a bit, but it still seemed to be in good condition as Amanda pointed out.

" It should do us well," she said with a slight smile.

Again, Spock didn't give a response. With slight difficulty, he rose from the floor and dusted off his clothes. He turned to his mother and merely nodded in agreement, his head far away in the clouds above.

" Do you want to…? Or shall I do it?" she whimpered hesitantly, suddenly realising how intense Spock's behaviour had become.

" I shall do it," he agreed determinedly, outstretching his hand to take the crowbar. " You have done enough for me already," he briskly added.

Amanda's soft, watery blue eyes seemed to flutter as she simpered, touched by her son's kindly gesture. Of course she was not fed up of taking care of him, she never could be, but she was still proud to see him develop the strength to do these things by himself. It didn't stop her from worrying, though. " Are you absolutely sure? If you feel like you've had enough, let me know. OK? I'll continue," she fussed like the old concerned mother and grandmother that she was.

Spock could almost scoff at his mother's efforts, but didn't. " I am capable," he informed her, firmly and truthfully.

So, for the next few minutes, Amanda watched in near-horrified silence as Spock forcefully pulled the boards up. Clearly, she knew that small and simple exercise wouldn't harm the baby, but after losing Thomas, she was very, very frightened for his brother. It would surely kill her if Spock lost him, too. Soon, the room was in disarray from all the wooden boards that cluttered up the place. There was just enough space for a burial. Amanda gulped as she took a peek down the hole. The sand there still held the mound that was made two decades earlier. Sadek's rotted remains lay beneath it, and that single thought made her shudder in her squeamishness. Spock, though aware, ignored her as he started to dig up the sand with his bare hands. He continued to do this for what seemed like hours to him, until he worked up an aggressive sweat, much like a dog digging up a bone under a hot sun. It made Amanda wince a little to see the large, diamond-shaped drops of water on his forehead, but said nothing. It was clear that Spock had enough interference. But it wasn't long until the bottom half of Sadek's body was nearly completely uncovered. Here, Spock stopped in pure respect for his departed friend. And the next moment was spent in silence.

Spock sat awkwardly on his knees before the tomb as if he was about to pray. An uneasy feeling of nausea washed over him, and he felt the survivor wriggle uncomfortably inside him, but the child's brave father persevered. Spock swallowed heavily and noisily, prompting Amanda to rush to his side, but the feeling eventually passed. With her gentle hand on his shoulder, he now had the strength to do what he needed to do. He turned to her and shot her a not-quite-a-smile in gratitude. It was then he brought out the tiny shoebox that he'd carried throughout the entire journey. He removed the lid with ease, took out its contents. Amanda turned away, shuddering, her face white as snow. Although that little thing was once a part of her grandson, she couldn't bear to look at it. It just sickened her too much. Spock, on the other hand, was mesmerised by it. It was like a rope made from flesh, which had connected his baby boy to the placenta. Spock brought it closer to his face. He absorbed its bloody scent, and rubbed it gently against his cheek for a long while. He didn't want to give it up – if he could keep it, he would treasure it forever – but he knew he must. Not just for his sake, for the sake of his other son. It wasn't fair to that boy to be constantly tortured by the impossible standard that had been set by his deceased brother. So, all because of that, Spock placed the fleshy object back in the box and replaced the lid. His hands trembled as he lowered it into the ground. He laid it just by Sadek's feet.

" There, Sadek," whispered Spock. " You finally have someone to look after."

" He'll keep Thomas safe until you're reunited with him," Amanda interjected wisely.

Spock mulled it over, and then nodded. " Yes. Thomas would need someone to look after him. Sadek is the perfect man for that."

Amanda smiled and nodded. Gently, she put her hand on Spock's shoulder and gave it a soft pat. " Come along, then, dearie. Let's go home. If we start out now, we'll be back by teatime," she estimated, steadying herself as she started to stand up again. If she sounded heartless when saying this, she didn't mean it. But she guessed that it was what Spock wanted. She at least didn't wish to say. All she wanted was to leave as soon as possible; to escape this miserable place.

Spock shook his head. " No. I would like to stay here for a bit longer," he replied. " There are so many memories here," he added quietly as if in awe.

Amanda desperately wanted to protest. But she just could not bring herself to say anything. She watched in complete silence as Spock went to lie down on the bed, where Sadek had spent his last moments. And soon, she began to realise that Spock probably hadn't thought about Sadek in a long time. So she let her son lay there, in the aged blood of his friend, physically shuddering in the pain of his memories. But she did not let him lay alone. After a few minutes, Amanda went to join Spock. As she pressed her front up against his back, she wrapped a supportive arm around him, sliding her hand into his. Their fingers intertwined, the mother and child tied their sadness together, but it also made their determinations stronger. After this day, the past would finally be put behind them both, and Spock could carry on with his life as the parent he would soon prove himself to be. And Amanda would be there, to help him soldier on when things appeared tough. Because, as all parents do in this universe, she knew that Spock could excel at anything he wanted. Yes, he had experienced heartbreak, but he would have so much to look forward to in this journey of an entire lifetime. So Amanda would always be there, even in times of endless darkness.

" You should've seen him today, Sarek," Amanda told her husband that evening, as the couple sat down to eat dinner together. Now brimming with tears as she recalled the day's events, Amanda could feel her heart burst with pride for her son. She knew deep down that even she couldn't have been brave enough to do what Spock did. " You would've been so proud of him," she continued in her honey-sweet tone.

Across the table, where Sarek faced his ever-doting wife, he simply gave a grumble in his disapproval. " A Vulcan, pregnant or not, should never look to the past; only to the future. It is not logical," he insisted, picking up his cutlery to start his meal.

Amanda's smile faded slightly, not believing for a second that this was Sarek's reaction. Instead, her eyebrows were brought down into a vicious frown. " So if Spock died, you wouldn't grieve? Or remember him?" she asked him, raising a very good point in her opinion.

" This is different."

" Why? Because the baby hadn't been born yet? Sarek, you have to understand. Unborn or not, a person was buried today. Your grandson, Sarek, your _own _grandson. You don't think we have the right to grieve?" Amanda paused to breathe for a few moments, having felt passionate about her words. Her hands trembling, she took a swig of water from her glass. " Honestly, Sarek," she went on breathlessly. " I don't understand how Vulcans can be so heartless. Bereavement…That dreaded feeling of loss is soul-destroying, yes. I'll admit that. But, Sarek, it is so wonderful at the same time. In these moments, you're allowed to feel weak. You can ask for help, and that's OK. I think that's what Spock learnt today."

" Yes, Mother."

Amanda leapt out of her skin, startled. She whirled around in her seat to see her beautiful son by the door. Even Sarek seemed a little surprised to find him there. His bulging belly poking through the hem of his shirt, Spock stood proud nevertheless. Sharp and alert, his eyes mimicked the salty shine of an ocean in moonlight. And on his lips, his parents could see, there was a slight, sheepish curl at the corners, forming a very human smile indeed. Amanda smiled silently in return, bowing her head gently before her child. Sarek did nothing but stare at his son, catching only fleeting glimpse of the infamous bump. It was only now he felt the guilt. Although it had been about six or seven months since his 'proposal', it was beginning to haunt him. In this moment alone, he vowed to make it up to his grandson, no matter who he would turn out to be. Spock walked across the room, his long silky white robe trailing along the floor, and sat down in the empty chair at the table in complete silence. He then turned to face his mother.

" That is what I learnt," he finally muttered, " and so much more. Even though Thomas is no longer with me, or his brother, he will always be a part of me. No matter what happens to me. Some small part of him will always be here. I just won't be able to see it."

Brimming with tears now, Amanda vigorously nodded. She was at a loss for words.

" But for now, I have his brother to take care of. That's where my energy needs to go, and…it is. Due to you, Mother. Without you, I would never have coped. Thank you, Mother."

Sarek could almost grumble, but didn't, knowing how close his wife was to breaking down in tears. And Amanda did exactly that. The older woman reached across the table and gave Spock's hands a tight and tender squeeze. But then, Spock's face completely changed. If he were human, he would have laughed.

" I believe the baby is telling me to eat something. Do you mind if I eat with you tonight?"

Amanda let out a hearty chuckle in disbelief. " No, not at all!" she said, almost jumping up to run to the kitchen to bring Spock a plate.


	16. I Love You

**I wrote this entire chapter in one sitting. Thank you, Chasing Cars! ^_^ **

'Friend' was not a word Kathy knew growing up. It was true that she had met some amazing people, many of whom she will continue to love and adore for the rest of her life. She had so many fantastic memories of these people, and great stories to tell, but they were never really friends. Not true friends at least. The only child of Silas and Leanne, Kathy Weller had always preferred the company of her own. She had enjoyed staying indoors on warm summer days, performing the most elaborate plays before an audience of dolls and teddy bears. She had been lonely, but content with her loneliness. So it wasn't until she boarded the USS Enterprise she began to realise how much she had missed out on. Friends of the truest form came to her in droves, and this was when she began to see the changes within herself. She laughed a lot more, and her grins were wider and brighter. In her heart, she now carried a rare beacon of happiness, which was loud with the glow of a golden light. Spending all of her spare time with the likes of Dr. McCoy, Lieutenant Uhura, and Scotty and Chekov, she really started to slither out of her shell. Kathy found herself braver and bolder than she'd ever been. Kathy couldn't even believe it sometimes. Pride was bursting from her; from the deepest depths of her heart. She knew she could never let go of these friends, even if she tried. They would be with her forever. Even if she wasn't going to get married after all, Kathy knew that she had found a different, better kind of love. And when the break up became known to them, Kathy was absolutely overwhelmed with all the support they threw at her. For that one reason alone, Kathy felt capable and brave enough to continue working on the Enterprise for longer, before beaming back home. This, of course, would have been impossible she had been on Earth with her other compatriots. She was just so grateful to have all these wonderful friends that it even broke her heart a little bit to leave them. But she tried not to think of that. She simply focused on having fun with them, which she did.

About a week after she and Kirk parted ways, Kathy moved out of the captain's quarters. Nearly everybody offered her a place to stay and Kathy couldn't decide at first. She settled with Uhura eventually, however, having felt embarrassed by the thought of sharing a bathroom with McCoy or Scotty. Uhura was tremendous fun to live with. Every night felt like a teenager's sleepover as the two young women gossiped and giggled all the nights they were together. It empowered Kathy to show off a little to Kirk. Whenever she spotted him in the rec room or the bar, she would force a ridiculous laugh, which Uhura would sometimes mimic. Kathy doubted if she ever got noticed, as Kirk always seemed quiet and distant whenever the pair was in the same vicinity. But it was fun all the same. It certainly numbed the pain of her heartache. She just wished she could stay with Uhura forever. Kathy had no idea how she was going to cope without her, or all her new friends. So the day Kathy was to leave the Enterprise for the final time, she felt quite alone. Even if she had an entire army to see her off. It felt as though she was the only living being in the entire universe.

As the Enterprise stopped to receive some supplies, Kathy stood in the shuttle bay of the Starbase. She had turned away for a moment to stifle a sob, and when she faced Uhura, Scotty, McCoy and Chekov, her heart broke all over again.

" Are you sure you don't want to stay?" asked Uhura.

" Yeah," Kathy replied, looking determined through her tears. " I'm just gonna stay with my parents for a while."

" All I can say is," Scotty piped up with a sigh, " drinkin' ain't gonna be the same wi'out ye." The Scotsman heaved another deep, melancholy sigh.

Kathy smiled sadly for a split second. " Ohh, it's OK, Scotty. We'll have a drink together someday. I mean, it's not like we're never going to see each other again."

Scotty nodded. He was almost crying. He quickly masked that fact with a wide Scottish grin. " I'll raise me glass for ye. I'll do it every day."

Kathy beamed, diving in for a hug. The others simultaneously joined in, each hugger possessing some part of the nurse's body. As they parted finally, a great cry broke out around them. It was a loudspeaker, with some nameless drone announcing the arrival of a shuttle bus that was to bring Kathy home to California.

" That's me," she mumbled, picking up her bag. She slung it over her shoulder with a soft grunt of effort.

" See you, Kathy," Chekov muttered. He looked more heartbroken than Scotty, which ultimately broke Kathy's heart more.

" Now don't be a stranger," Uhura warned. " Call me the second you get back home."

Kathy smiled. " 'Course I will! It'll be the first thing I do."

The nurse then turned, slowly, to Dr. McCoy. She studied his face for a long while, breathing in every little detail of his features. She swallowed hard. The tears fell mercilessly from her eyes. McCoy cried, too, even though he didn't seem to notice. He stared deeply into the girl's sapphire-blue eyes without blinking. He didn't want to admit it, but she had to know. It wouldn't be right to keep it a secret any longer. Kathy stepped closer to him, and he embraced her warmly and deeply. The doctor rested his head in the delicate crook of her shoulder. He brought his hands up to her shoulder blades, stroking them gently with his thumbs. He gave one long shuddering breath before unlocking the embrace. And finally, he just came out with it. No uncertainty, no embarrassment or hesitation.

" I love you."

The reactions from the others were instantaneous. Uhura and Scotty exchanged bewildered glances, while Chekov smirked a little as if he knew all along. Dr. McCoy frowned, having realised how odd it sounded coming from him, and his eyebrows dropped in his fury.

" Not like that!" he snapped at them. " Never like that," he mumbled quietly to himself as his temper subsided. He turned to face Kathy again and he grinned proudly. " Though you should know. You're my best friend, goddammit!"

Kathy returned his smile appreciatively. They hugged again, but Kathy realised that she had to dash. The bus was just starting up to leave. Not realising this, McCoy leant in to kiss her gently on the forehead when she simply skipped off across the vast room. Once she was out of sight, McCoy merely shrugged and hung his head in this rare moment of heartache.

In a different shuttle bay, the one next door, Captain Kirk stood alone waiting. The shuttle bus that was just about to arrive was coming from Vulcan. The human hoped Spock had made a decision while he was away. He couldn't bear not knowing. It was starting to drive him crazy now. As he waited, Kirk's mind was cast back to the day the twins were conceived. It had been an awkward meeting at first, but it was romantic and passionate all the same. The captain smiled at this memory, and even laughed a little. But as he began to think of the tragedy that befell those two little twins a few months later, the smile faded completely. Thomas' death had destroyed Spock in a way, which had made him stronger. Although Jim couldn't be sure, he hoped Spock had done some much-needed healing during his shore leave. Kirk's heart would surely break if Spock was to be cursed with this depression forever. Kirk had been there himself, and had seen and thought terrible things. He would gladly give his life just to make Spock happy. He needn't have worried, though. The following minutes flew by faster than warp speed as the shuttle bus arrived and the passengers dispersed. Jim craned his neck to keep a watchful eye out for Spock. But as the last of the passengers walked past him, not giving him a second look, Kirk saw no sign of that beautiful Vulcan. The sandy-haired captain lowered his gaze slightly and swallowed. Spock had made a decision, then. He wasn't coming home. He'll be raising Jeremy alone. That was that. Kirk gave a small, sad smile, his lips curling slightly at the corners, and he turned to leave. He'd been stupid enough to think that Spock wanted to marry him. So now, he wasn't going to waste any more time on this fruitless romance. He began to walk away, tall and proud, as he tried with all his might to mask his pain.

Something stopped him.

" Jim."

" Spock."

He whirled around to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. But Spock was real. He was here. Dressed in a plain white robe, which slipped perfectly over the baby bump, Spock merely stood there. He didn't know what to do; what to say. Kirk's face lit up and he dashed to be by his lover's side. They kissed. Kirk wrapped his arms around Spock, and closed his eyes, letting his lips linger. They parted for a moment, and Kirk cupped Spock's chin in his trembling hands. The men stared at one another, falling in love all over again, and Spock breathed in Kirk's soft, warm breath. It filled his heart and lungs with the love he so desperately needed. He had missed this kind of love, and now that he had it again in his arms, he was never going to lose it again. Not just for his sake, or Jeremy's, but for the sake of the man who had just kissed him. Spock was never going to lose Captain Kirk ever again. It would kill him if he did. Literally.

" Ohh, I love you," someone whispered.

It didn't matter who said it.


	17. I'Fa

Jim Kirk was still a very young man when he decided that he didn't want to have children. He was a self-confessed troublemaker and womaniser, just fresh out of the Starfleet Academy. He wanted to focus on building his career, and he wanted to see new worlds and planets along the way. He wanted nothing more than that. As the years rolled on by, however, circumstances changed as they so often do when one is not careful. It was for the simple reason that Jim had met a girl. A beautiful woman named Carol Marcus. And she had become pregnant during their brief time together. Here, the budding captain was given a choice. He could either stay where he was or go with Carol to raise their son and be a real family. Kirk was stupid. He chose his own life over his son's. He just didn't realise what a huge mistake it was until after Carol left. For years afterward, he would try to find some way to contact her again. But she had disappeared; right off the map. So had David. When Spock became pregnant, despite the unusual circumstances, these old feelings of guilt began to reveal themselves to him again. So, when the two men resumed their relationship after their reunion, Kirk vowed to keep Jeremy in his life, and in his heart, forever. No matter what happened. So, with no help from anyone, Kirk tested his handicraft skills. He spent weeks on it, adding a new piece to it every hour on the hour. And although it didn't look like much, he knew that Jeremy would love it and cherish it because it had come from his father. It was a wristband. Just one little wristband. A mish-mash of red and green material, the colours intertwined like two romantic dancers in the night. Kirk realised that it might be a bit too big for such a little baby, but he knew Spock wouldn't mind. The kid would grow into it anyway. Jim just had to wait now, and become a proper father for the first time.

It would have been in the early hours of the morning when it started to happen. Aside from the night-shift team on the bridge and in the engineering room, life on the Enterprise seemed scarce. If one should search around this holy world, they wouldn't find the blossoming roses of the future. They would only see the miserable sights and smell the pungent odours of the long-forgotten past. In this unnerving hour of rest, the Enterprise was a dying metallic queen, whose subjects had abandoned her. Not even ghosts haunted her halls. Even the flowers in the botany room seemed to play dead. She never had a reason to be concerned, however, for she knew that this was how her humans worked and functioned. Most of her crew were still in bed, resting up good and long for their upcoming shifts that morning. They stayed quite contently in their own heads, caged in their most impossible dreams. Of course they all wanted to stay there, it was in their nature to have these desires, but reality would always catch up to them. Just as the realisation was about to sneak up on the Captain's pregnant fiancé.

That day was supposed to be a normal day. No nasty surprises; just a plain old, normal, routine day. But it wasn't going to be. Spock knew that. He hadn't slept much that night, only an hour at best, because he had spent the entire night wondering about it. He listened to the comforting, reassuring snores of his true love beside him, trying to decide whether or not if he should worry at all. For the remainder of the pregnancy, Jim had done all sorts of things in order to make it up to him. He had been very sweet about the whole thing, Spock couldn't help but to admit, even if he wouldn't use those exact words. But now, right here and now, the pregnancy was creeping ever closer to the long-awaited finish line. Just three days earlier, Spock had felt his very first contraction. Dr. McCoy had said it was too early for the baby to be born, as Spock was not dilated enough, so he just advised the anxious parent to wait until the right time came. With each niggle and shuffle he experienced, Spock secretly hoped that the next one would get the process underway. But it never did, and Spock was beginning to wonder if he was just having a practice labour instead of the real thing. That morning, though, when the niggles transformed into intensifying agony, he was sure. The baby was well on his way.

Spock sat upright in bed, his back supported by his pillow. He could sense a contraction rearing its head, and it was going to strike very soon. And then it came. Spock coolly grunted in the face of the pain, never letting it know that he was terrified. But seconds later, it vanished as if it hadn't happened at all. He paused for a few minutes to recover, and gulped the air in order to find a calming rhythm. He shot a fleeting glance over to Jim, who was still worlds away from this one. For a second, Spock considered never waking him up at all; he wouldn't be exactly needed during the birth; he would be all right by himself, Spock so naively thought. Five minutes passed by quickly, and Spock was struck down by another pain. This one was much more intense. It went straight through him, but it affected his head the most, oddly. Kicked in the head, he felt dazed and confused, causing him to lose his bearings a bit for a few fleeting moments. The aftermath, though; that was the worst of it. As his headache passed, the pain leapt back into his body. He gasped and grimaced, giving a mighty jolt in reaction to it. It felt as though someone had punched him in the spine with a metal fist. He clenched his teeth, kept his hands tight in fists, in order to prevent himself from crying out. The pain of it all just overwhelmed him. Fighting for breath, the Vulcan finally let down his mental defences. He gave an immense, reverberating shout. Jim shot up immediately, startled. Sleepy and disorientated, the Captain tried searching around the room for the source of the noise, as he had not yet realised the truth. With his aching back to him now, Spock blindly reached around to grab a hold of Jim's hand. When the hands touched, Jim knew within an instant. Spock's grip was tight and urgent. In his still very sleepy state, the human finally forced his dazed hazel eyes open. He blinked a few times before speaking.

" Spock? Spock, are you all right?" He sat up slowly as he spoke.

Hit by an aggressive wave of nausea as he breathed, Spock nodded silently. He retched noisily, though nothing came up, which he was grateful for. He turned to face Jim, awkwardly stretching his enlarged belly as he did so. This position evidently didn't agree with him. Worried and a little afraid for him, Jim edged closer to Spock. The loving young captain touched his arm tenderly and closely studied his face. Even with the contractions ripping him apart from the inside, Spock's face seemed to be frozen, for it stayed completely calm amongst all the chaos of his body. To Jim Kirk, that was an amazing feat. His gaze then slid down to the heaving bump in the Vulcan's abdomen. An unwavering, confident grin spread across his golden face.

" He's coming, isn't he?"

Spock barely had the chance to give a response. Within seconds, Kirk was up and raring to go. Shaking with excitement, he reached down to pick his trousers off the floor. He was babbling like crazy. Spock cocked an eyebrow. If he had been in the mood, he would have offered Jim a lingering death stare until he finished. But his contractions were still trying to find a rhythm, irregularly coming back to haunt him with the pain coming in waves. So Spock kept his mouth shut, and gently began to rock back and forth. Although it didn't take away the pain, the rocking made it a bit more bearable. He would groan every now and again, especially at the pains' peak. Jim was now slipping his yellow shirt over his head, not bothering to put his black undershirt on first. Spock did nothing but rock and watch him in silence, flinching slightly as another contraction came to visit. This time, he kept his hands firmly on the curve in his belly. He could feel it lurch in time with the pain as if Jeremy was suffering, too. Spock didn't like that thought. When Jim was ready, at last, to head down to the sickbay, he felt Spock's gaze on him. He turned. Their eyes met. Jim smiled. Yet another contraction hit, but this one was the most agonising one of the lot so far. Spock gave a yell and whimpered a little like a scared puppy. Jim watched in awe. Carol had to go through this alone. Once he was sure that the pain had subsided, he leant in close to him. The Captain placed a tender hand on the Vulcan's belly, and he stroked it gently. The excitement had passed, and now he was feeling a little sad all of a sudden. He had missed most of the pregnancy. He never had a proper chance to really see the belly grow. He'd only seen it from afar, the size and shape of it bare a near-mystery. He wasn't sure if Spock could get pregnant again after this, but if he could, Jim would most certainly cherish every moment of the nine months. He looked up to gaze longingly into Spock's chocolate-brown eyes, and he brought his hand up to his puffed out cheek. He pressed his pink, parting lips against his. Spock was surprised that Jim was being so attentive. For a moment, the Vulcan swore that Jim had just taken all the pain away and had replaced it with love. When the kiss was done, the human grinned broadly with an air of anxiousness.

" Ready to meet this little guy?" he questioned, chuckling.

A tired, not-quite-a-smile slithered slowly across Spock's mouth. Then he opened it to return Jim's sweet affections. " Oh, my t'hy'la…" In that moment, however, the Vulcan was cut short. Labour pains apparently had the skills and powers of a ninja. " I…ARGH! Aahhh! Ohh, ow!" he bellowed. His boxer shorts felt wet. His waters had broken.

Again, the Captain watched. He could feel his heart break for him, in agony of having to see him like this. He was the most powerful man on the ship, and yet he couldn't shelter his true love from this pain. It almost killed him to feel this way. " Spock? What happened?"

Spock was so surprised that he didn't really know how to react. He hadn't expected his waters to break, especially so soon. He had just assumed that Dr. McCoy would do it for him. He stared open-mouthed in his shock as a dangerous tremor plunged him into a world of fire. His temperature started to rise like the sun. " I believe…Dr. McCoy…" he managed to wheeze after he'd snapped out of it.

Jim quirked his eyebrows expectantly for a second, but quickly caught on. " Bones? You want Bones? Sure, I'll get you Bones!"

Quick as a flash, the Captain moved swiftly across the room to the intercom. Bones was just one forceful push away. He tapped in the code for McCoy's room and he pressed the button to activate the call. Jim's eyebrows furrowed deeply as he listened intensely to the crackly sounds of distant grumbling and cursing. Dr. McCoy had been fast asleep, evidently, completely unprepared for the baby's arrival. Jim couldn't keep it quiet any longer. " Spock's in labour, Bones!" he cried urgently. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Spock as h started to stand up. The Vulcan tugged down his dishevelled grey T-shirt in a distracted fashion, but Jim then noticed the pale green stain on the bed sheets. He gasped. " And he's bleeding! Oh, my God!" he added, not realising that this was actually a good sign in labour.

" Get to sickbay. I'll get Simms and Chapel to meet you there. I'll be there as soon as I can!" Dr. McCoy's voice, though it sounded exhausted, stayed absolutely calm.

Though McCoy couldn't see, his Captain gave a silent nod in understanding. He shot another nervous glance over to Spock, who was now wearily making his way over to the door. He waddled as he walked. " Got it," Jim finally uttered. " Thanks, Bones." He turned to Spock again. He outstretched his arms and he glided back across the bedroom to his t'hy'la's side. He raised his eyebrows in his worry. He quickly masked it, however, with a kind-hearted reassurance. " Come on, Spock!" But as Jim touched the man's arm to guide him along, he couldn't believe how warm it felt. And it wasn't a good kind of warm. Everything had to be all right. It just had to.

Especially early on in his pregnancy, Spock had once made near-daily visits to the sickbay. This was partly due to Dr. McCoy's curiosity, and while Spock understood that, as male pregnancy was strange and new, he couldn't help the feeling that he was just doing it for McCoy's benefit. He didn't utter a word against him, though, as Spock had quite enjoyed humouring the old doctor, even if the constant poking and prodding was uncomfortable at times. But during one of these visits, the doctor and the Vulcan had formulated a plan for when it was time for the baby to be born. Together, they had worked on how Spock was going to get to sickbay, and when, where he was coming from, and how quickly he could get there. And while he was on his own, Spock had made countless practice runs, getting more excited and anxious with each one. He knew the route like the back of his hand. But in this moment of great vulnerability, all sense and knowing seemed to leave him. With this pain he suffered now, the two-minute journey seemed as though it was taking a whole year to complete. He just couldn't go any faster than that. He needn't have worried. Jim was there with him. Jim was wonderful. His hand never left Spock's. He urged him to keep going. And whenever Spock got struck down by a pain, he'd stop. He'd gently prop Spock against a wall, and while the severely pregnant Vulcan recovered, he'd whisper romantic and inspiring things to him. Spock would never have been able to do it alone, and he was so grateful for the support he received now. Finally, at long last, the two men reached the promised land. Nurse Chapel and Dr. Simms were waiting anxiously outside, looking tired but happy. Chapel's face lit up as she spotted them at the end of the hallway. Spock had stopped again for a moment. His left hand had a firm grip on the wall to keep himself steady, and his other hand caressed his bump lovingly. His pencil-straight eyebrows knitted together in agony of having to go through this. He ignored the boiling beads of sweat on his forehead. He sank to the floor. He was losing his battle with the pain, and the urge to push was quickly sneaking up on him. It was all happening so fast that it wasn't really registering in that all-knowing brain of his. He felt as small as his baby when he saw Nurse Chapel, Dr. Simms and Captain Kirk rushing to his aid. He started to shiver and shake and moan. The others crowded around him like a flock of pigeons in London.

" Nurse, get a wheelchair!" ordered Simms. Her honey-sweet voice was as calm as McCoy's.

" Yes, of course, Doctor," replied Chapel.

But just as the nurse turned on her heel, Jim ordered her to stop. " Wait."

Chapel froze, terrified of doing something wrong.

" Spock needs to do this by himself."

The medical staff exchanged looks of pure bewilderment. Dr. Simms, though she wouldn't be delivering the baby herself, began to wonder if this had been a waste of time. She and Chapel kept their lips sealed as Jim leant forward, closer to Spock's ears so only he could hear him.

" You're scared, I know, baby," he whispered tenderly.

Spock paused. He stared at Jim for a moment without blinking. Jim had never called him 'baby' before. This nickname intrigued him, even as his temperature continued to climb. He swallowed down a dry lump in his throat. He didn't feel like talking.

" But you're so close now. Look, there's the door," the sandy-haired human said and he gestured to the door leading to sickbay. Spock followed the movements of Jim's arm. " You just need to go through it. Now, are you going to have Jeremy right here in the hallway? Or in there?"

Spock would have thought about that choice thoroughly. He really would have. In this moment, though, when the invisible flame of pain was licking his red-hot skin, he couldn't think at all. He shuddered and groaned. And then he nodded, even though he didn't fully understand why he did it. He just had a compulsion to. The seriousness and intenseness of Kirk's expression melted away into nothing. It was then quickly replaced with a wide, golden beam of the teeth. He stood up and waited patiently for Spock to do the same. He beckoned him encouragingly, and he could almost cheer when Spock finally stood. Even if he did stumble a little when he got to his feet. Jim wouldn't let go of his hand as they waddled together at the slowest pace. Dr. Simms led the way while Nurse Chapel offered more sweet encouragements. She held on tightly to his other hand. Spock still had no idea what was going on. But what he did know was that he was starting to listen to his urges. If it wasn't the baby, then something really needed to come out.

Once they got inside, everybody set to work. Nurse Chapel helped Dr. Simms with the necessary equipment, while Jim helped Spock onto a nearby bed. The Vulcan really didn't know what was happening now. His head separated from his body, he looked at the busy world around him in a daze, and it seemed to be a million miles away from him. He was just floating in the openness of the universe, where his only friends were the stars. He couldn't breathe now, the urge to push coming on stronger than ever before. He started to strain, grabbing the worried attention of the Captain in the process. Jim was just about to say something, but McCoy finally turned up. The exhausted, old Atlantan doctor had never looked so determined before in his entire life.

" Let's get this sucker out," he muttered. His voice was deep and quiet, but it still stayed as calm as the waters of Neptune.

Jim heaved a deep sigh of relief and he grinned, thanking God that Spock was now in safer hands.

McCoy didn't say anything more as he went to examine the pregnant Spock. He picked up his medical tricorder off the table that Dr. Simms had been setting up. Unsurprisingly, he started to grumble under his breath in concentration as he switched it on. As he held it expertly over Spock's belly, it whirred and bleeped furiously, indicating that something was up.

McCoy's face dropped in what seemed to be disappointment. " Well, dammit."

Jim didn't realise that he was faking. " What? What is it?" he asked worriedly. Spock gave a moan in agony, causing Jim to look at him for a couple of seconds.

" Seven centimetres." A sideward smile on his lips, the doctor quirked his eyebrows in a playful manner.

" Dilated?" asked Jim. He had no choice but to make sure that he was hearing right.

" Yep," said McCoy, chuckling. " This kiddy's comin' all right!"

Jim let out a mighty hard laugh in his disbelief. He even gave a little leap like a wild rabbit, doing a binky across an entire forest. In the background, the two women were sniggering and cackling with delight. The happy atmosphere was soon broken, however, when Spock gave a sudden, startling yell. He was suddenly thrown back into his world of agony. Panting heavily, the sweat was raining down his cheeks and it was starting to soak his shirt. Dark greyish-blue patches appeared under the arms, and on the back, and chest. He looked around tiredly in confusion. He furrowed his brow as he blinked away the remaining remnants of his daydream.

" Where…Where am I? How did I get here?" His voice was faint and weak.

Jim frowned with concern. " You mean…you don't remember?" He shot a worried glance at McCoy, who returned it.

Spock shook his ebony head slowly, silently wondering if he should. He didn't care if he could or not. His baby needed him to be strong. That's all that mattered now. His baby.

" Wait a minute," the doctor piped up thoughtfully. The next few moments seemed to slow down time itself as McCoy examined Spock again. Jim thought for a split second that he was about to go crazy with all of this going on around him. But he watched silently as McCoy placed a hand on Spock's forehead, who then felt his ears for the hell of it. " Hmm…" he muttered. " No, no. This ain't right," he informed the Captain.

" What's wrong?"

" He's burnin' up. Like, real bad. Step back, Jim."

The Captain did exactly that, and he gulped in pure fear of losing Spock and Jeremy. Deep inside, he supposed he knew that he had no real reason to panic, but the atmosphere was so intense now that the Captain didn't really know how to feel. He continued to watch in what appeared to be awe. He could barely see Spock now, for the two doctors and nurse were crowded around him, blocking his view of him. No words were exchanged between them as they set to work on him. Jim saw Nurse Chapel place a damp cloth over his hot, already soaking forehead. The two doctors worked together to peel his shirt off his body. Nurse Chapel slipped out of the room for a few minutes, intending to retrieve an ice container. She quickly returned, however, pulling a gigantic, man-sized bag of the stuff behind her. Jim watched in pure horror as Spock was literally picked up and plunged into this bag. He would stay here for a few fleeting moments before he was returned to the bed, and this cycle continued for several minutes until Spock ordered them to stop. So the medics changed their tactics, knowing all too well what was at stake here. Now, Nurse Chapel used the ice to rub it all over Spock's body, and Dr. Simms had the duty of rubbing the cloth over his pale green face. Spock desperately wanted to heave a sigh of relief, the coolness of the ice hitting him, but he was so focused on his need to push that he could barely think of anything else. McCoy then swiftly removed Spock's shorts, and that was when he turned slightly green, nearly matching Spock's complexion.

" Spock? You been pushin'?" he asked at last.

For a second, the Vulcan looked sheepish.

" It's not the baby," McCoy informed him. He clucked his tongue and shook his head in disbelief.

" Eww," Chapel muttered when she went to take a look, beckoning the curious Simms to join her.

McCoy glared at them both disapprovingly, knowing that it wasn't Spock's fault. Not really.

Kirk groaned in embarrassment for his fiancé. Spock didn't seem to care, for he could feel Jeremy getting closer to delivery. If it meant emptying his bowels in front of everyone, then so be it. Using a dish and hell of a lot of tissues and towels, Dr. Simms cleaned away the evidence. She disposed of it quickly. Tentatively, Kirk stepped closer to his t'hy'la. Spock watched him, moaning a little in pain, and he outstretched his hand for Jim to take. Which he did, with the deepest and purest love flowing through his human veins. He raised a sweet smile for a second, before this moment between them was cut short. Spock gave another a scream, but this one was much higher-pitched than his previous cries of pain. In nothing but his skin, he pushed rigorously. Jeremy shifted. Ever so slightly.

" Right," muttered McCoy. He spread Spock's legs a bit wider. He leant in as close as he could to get the best possible view. " This is it, I think."

Jim beamed and almost laughed in his disbelief. " Hear that, Spock?"

" Spock, when ya feel the need to push, do it. OK? Just do it!"

Spock didn't respond. He felt it to be fruitless if he did. He knew he needed to push, and he would've done it regardless of whether McCoy had told him to or not. His hand never left Kirk's, though. He only tightened his grip. Jim was surprised at how tight it got. For a split second, he even worried about the blood supply to his fingers. Spock didn't seem to notice the grimace on his face, or if he did, he didn't acknowledge it. The Vulcan's thoughts were solely with Jeremy now, and he liked to think that Jeremy was thinking of him, too. Even if this was impossible for him to do so. Spock changed positions slightly. He shuffled his bottom closer to the edge of the bed, where Dr. McCoy was still spectating. Nurse Chapel smiled as she gave Spock a gentle pat on the cheek in support. Dr. Simms, slightly put off by the earlier incident, merely did work in the background, readying the cot for the baby. She hoped he'd arrive soon. McCoy nodded once, indicating that he approved of Spock's actions. Spock brought his knees up a little higher, ready to push again. As the contraction built up within him, he made sure to prepare himself, in body and mind. He would not be weak or scared like Sadek had been. Spock would fight for himself, Jeremy _and _that wonderful Sadek. He completely numbed himself to everything around him. So, when Nurse Chapel touched his cheeks again, he couldn't feel her cooling fingers against his burning green skin. McCoy could see the concentration on his face; the labour pains were creeping up on his patient. He could almost pinpoint the moment it was going to strike.

" Do it, Spock," he muttered.

Jim gave a single nod of the head, agreeing furiously with the good doctor. And then it came.

Spock strained and pushed. Gritting his teeth, he tried with all his might to silence his grunts. He went green in the face as he did so. The pain ended, and Spock's physical strength ended momentarily with it. He gasped for air, and Jim started to applaud his effort, even though that one push didn't seem to do much.

" Well done, Spock," he breathed. " Well done. You're getting so close now."

" One more try now!" encouraged the nurse. She patted him gently a third time.

" Yeah, come on, Spock!" McCoy muttered. He snuck another peek at Spock's nether regions. He was grinning from ear to ear now; the queasy feeling that had overcome him was over.

Trapped in a world of endless agony, this cycle continued for the next couple of hours. With each stabbing pain, Spock would push Jeremy out as far as he could go. And then, with his strength slightly dwindled, Spock would be overcome with the need to rest until he was urged to go on. Of course, with this technique in place, the birth didn't progress as well as Dr. McCoy had hoped. The impatience and annoyance was beginning to show in his exhausted blue eyes, and the way he stretched his arms and yawned. But the good doctor didn't mind really. He quickly found the joys of picking light-hearted fights with Dr. Simms. McCoy picked on her for the most menial, little things, which resulted in her defending herself for it. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously, and deep down, Simms knew that. But it made Jim and Nurse Chapel laugh nevertheless. Jim secretly enjoyed their clashes. The only person who didn't pay any attention was, of course, the Vulcan who lay groaning in the bed. By this point, where Jeremy was just on the cusp of crowning, Spock pretty much couldn't see or hear anything that went on around him. Even with Simms and McCoy screaming at each other from either side of the room. To Spock, it seemed as though there were no other people in the world. It was just them now. Spock and Jeremy. The father and son were the only ones in this entire universe, connected to one another by blood and by flesh. They were both naked; going into the great unknown; guided by a bright light of bravery and of curiosity. And as it began to dawn on him, he had come further than Sadek now. Spock had surpassed his own best friend. An overwhelming sense of accomplishment, and also of sadness, washed over him just as he roared in pain. He could feel Jeremy's head come farther down the birth canal. Even with this agony now, he felt honoured to finally complete Sadek's unfinished task. Of course Spock was starting to get scared now, but he quickly scolded himself for it. He had to pull it together. Jeremy was almost here. Almost…Almost…

" There he is!"

" What?!"

" He's crowning! Oh, hell yeah!"

McCoy's excitable nature, right here and now, seemed to channel a small boy on Christmas morning, and to the worried captain, it was refreshing to see. Letting go of Spock's hand for a moment, Jim moved to get a better view of Spock's exposed nether regions. The sight came as a bit of a shock, there was a worrying greenish hue about the whole thing, but it made him feel quite excited, too. His cheeks turned white for a second before flushing a gallant red, red enough to make tomatoes envious. Spock grunted again, and gave a slight snort as if he were a pig waiting to be slaughtered. He didn't half feel like one. Nurse Chapel smiled sweetly at him and offered a comforting hand of support, which he took gratefully.

" You're doing fine, Spock," she whispered to him. " You're doing so well."

Spock looked at her for a moment, and nodded once. Although he didn't care much for Chapel, his heart now was bursting with love and sincerity for her. He could feel his strength start to build up again. He scrunched his face up as he pushed, his groin was burning, but it was over quickly.

" The head's out!" muttered McCoy.

Jim's jaw dropped. He gasped in awe, and he stumbled a little as he nearly fainted in surprise. He grabbed tightly onto McCoy's arm. " Bones! Bones, that's…that's Jeremy!" he cried. He pointed a trembling finger at the boy. " That's my son!"

In the background, Dr. Simms started to coo and fuss. She, without a doubt, absolutely adored the look of pure joy that was plastered on the Captain's face. She knew in her heart that she would remember it for the rest of her life. Dr. McCoy, too, seemed to be incredibly tickled by how excited Jim was now. A wide grin crept along his mouth, and he even started to laugh a little.

" Not long now, Spock," Nurse Chapel said, smiling.

Spock pushed. The shoulders were freed. He pushed again. Jeremy was almost here. He pushed a third time, and Spock didn't know what happened. He was here. Jeremy was here and he was screaming his little head off. In strong, confident arms, Dr. McCoy cradled the boy as he cleaned the blood off of his tiny body. His cheeks were completely numb now, he was grinning that much. And Jim, Chapel and Simms all crowded around to get a closer look. Their voices blended together like soft chocolate pudding. They all simply could not contain their joy. Spock didn't know what was happening now. Had he delivered the baby? Or not? With those God-forsaken humans making that God-forsaken noise, he didn't really know what was up or what was down. All he knew was that he'd been released from this pain after the longest morning of his entire life. He laid his head on the pillow, his chest rising and dropping as he gulped the air hungrily. He never realised how much he had missed this feeling of freedom, when he could breathe clearly with no baby getting in the way. It was a rather cruel thought, he already sort of knew that, but it was just so marvellous being able to breathe properly again. Nurse Chapel's attention was then turned onto him, and she kindly went to get him a blanket. She draped it around his shoulders, concealing his naked body at long last.

" Spock. Spock," McCoy piped up, still holding the baby. " You did it, yer hobgoblin! Ya had a baby!"

At last, Jeremy was placed into Spock's arms. The meeting between father and son was neither an emotional one nor was it an awkward one. It was logical. As Jeremy lay on his father's chest, he blinked his little eyes and waggled his tiny hands. He even raised a hairless eyebrow, the wrinkles forming in his forehead. Spock observed his every move without blinking, and he took in every last detail of his baby. The way his fat, full lips puckered, the way he gurgled, the way he smelt and just the way he existed in this crazy old world. Spock brought him a little closer to kiss him softly.

" Jeremy," he whispered soothingly. " It appears that you had a pleasant journey. I realise it took longer than expected, but it does not matter at this present time. You're with me now."

Jim watched them from the corner of the room, feeling quite far away from them. Tears of pure love began to form in those circular, hazel-brown eyes of his. He hated to bring an end to such a beautiful scene, especially so soon, but it had to end. The human reached into his pocket and dug out the wristband he had created. The plastic-y red and green material seemed to shine beneath the bright, burning lights of the sickbay. From a distance, Dr. McCoy couldn't quite see what it was, and he squinted his blue eyes a bit to get a better look. But he never did get what he wanted, so he lost interest and started to help the women clean up the place. Spock, who could see what was going on, watched Jim closely. Blinking the tiredness away in his big brown eyes, he furrowed his eyebrows deeply in curiosity. Jim cleared his throat in a sheepish manner, and he fumbled with the band in his hand, twisting it like a blade of grass between two of his fingers. He held it up for Spock to see, prompting McCoy to sneak a peek in the background and once he realised what was about to happen, he let out a little chuckle and he shook his head. The others didn't notice, so they carried on as if nothing had happened at all. Jim gave a somewhat sheepish smile.

" It's a present," he said, " for Jeremy. It's a wristband; I made it myself. It's silly, but I—"

With one arm cradling the baby, Spock raised the other to stop him. One of his famous not-quite-a-smiles crept along his mouth, and he even started to smile for real. He grinned, in fact. " He will appreciate the thought," he said simply.

" Yeah?"

Jim stepped closer to the bed. His cheeks were aching so much from grinning. Carefully, as if the baby was made of china, Jim slipped the band over his son's fist. It slid down to his shoulder, almost. Jim let out a hearty chuckle, the sight of it tickling him. Jeremy made a noise as if in response.

" He'll grow into it," the Captain decided light-heartedly.

Spock looked at his baby with soft eyes for a moment. He let out a small huff as if to laugh. His gaze slipped up to Jim again, those exhausted eyes sparkling bright and proud. " Jim, why? All these things you're doing…The support you're giving us, my labour, the bracelet. Tell me, why?"

Jim stared bewilderedly at him for a second before he could snap out of it. The answer was so obvious, and yet Spock still wanted to hear it? Jim grinned again, and he blushed ever so slightly. " Well, Spock," he began. " We're a family now. It's what families do."

" I know," Spock replied bluntly. " I just had a desire to hear you say that."

The couple kissed one another tenderly, among all the noise of the sickbay. But they didn't hear a sound, for nothing else in the universe mattered.


End file.
